Site Post » Reviews! Round 44 · 8:13am May 25th, 2014
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
It was evening inside the headquarters of the Seattle’s Angels. Three reviewers sat at a round table. Two pored over fics they were to review for the next round, while the third lounged with a magazine. In the center of the table sat a pie, half-eaten yet still delicious.
“Hey,” said RedSquirrel. “Gimme a slice of that pie.”
“You’ve had two slices already,” grumbled BP. “Keep your paws off.”
Casca, their backup, glanced up from his magazine. “There’s plenty left,” he said. “Don’t be jerks, guys.”
“I’m just saying,” said Red, “two slices isn’t enough. I need at least four.”
“I need peace and quiet to finish these reviews,” grunted BP. “You need to concentrate on your own slice of the pie.”
“That’s what I’m doing, though. And I’m saying I need a bigger slice.”
Casca blinked.
The door to their little room opened and Alexmagnet stuck his head inside. “Hey guys, reviews? We’re gonna be late if we don’t—hey, is that pie?”
“Yeah,” said Red.
“I want a slice.”
“You can’t have any. We’ve taken a bigger slice of the workload this week, so we get a bigger slice of pie.”
“Anyway you slice it there’s plenty of pie for all of us,” Alex said. “So gimme a slice.”
Casca blinked again. “Wait, what… why are you all saying sl—”
“If you want a slice of pie then take a slice out of these reviews first,” retorted Red, petulantly flicking his tail.
“I’ll take a slice of whatever I damn well please!” shouted Alex.
Professor Plum walked by, holding a sheaf of papers. “Hey Alex, I was going over these reports and I—hey, is that pie?”
Casca quietly picked up what reviews he could carry and slipped out of the room, heading for the review dispenser that would broadcast their holy critiques across the Ponynet. Behind him had erupted an argument over what kind of slice, exactly, everyone was even talking about.
ROUND 44
STORY 1
Pinnacle, by CoolStoryBrony
Rainbow Dash is determined to be the best flyer in the world when she leaves Ponyville behind to pursue her career as a Wonderbolt. After years of achievement and success, she has finally reached the top—and doesn't know where to go from there.
Pinnacle has been pretty well-received as far as SA fics usually go, making it onto EQD and such—it’s just a little bit past our guideline limits, but we think it deserves more attention all the same.
In this story, we’re shown Rainbow as she’s reached or is at least fast approaching the height of her career. She’s a Wonderbolt, she’s respected, and she’s pretty much where her show self has always wanted to be. She’s also feeling stuck. Now, this in and of itself isn’t an original idea, but the normal place we’d see a thing like that is in a story where Rainbow is an older mare with a lot of experience under her belt, tiring of fame and looking to finally leave the limelight. Here, though, Rainbow is still young—just a bit over five years older than her show counterpart. The feeling has hit her early, and more than boredom, it’s unsatisfaction. Everything she’s ever wanted isn’t enough.
This story is wonderfully true to Rainbow’s character, I feel. Since it’s really a character piece, I think I’d be spoiling things to go into it much more deeply than just covering the catalyzing situation, but know that much at least—high tier characterization both for Rainbow and for Applejack, who appears in this story’s prominent flashbacks. Beyond that, the action-heavy opening sequence is skillfully executed, and the flashbacks themselves are used to very good effect.
An issue I have is that this piece lays some real weight on a particular metaphor—one it uses to drive the moral and ending home—but I have trouble actually connecting that metaphor to said moral and ending. It’s stretched just a little more than it can take, I think, but that feels like a fairly minor concern. This is still a piece quite worth your time.
We’ve all been there. We’re sitting at home typing pony words without a care in the world, when suddenly we’re struck with the sudden, inexplicable desire: I gotta go get some Ho Hos®. You rush out to the store, your stomach growling in anticipation, and grab a box of those lardy delights. You rush back home, slavering now at the thought of how wonderful it’ll be, and you gorge on them in a moist, cream-covered spectacle. But when you’re finished, all you’re left with is the bitter taste of artificial sugar and a tummy ache. What you wanted isn’t as good now that you got it.
This is a story about Rainbow Dash eating every Ho Ho® she could ever want—wait, no, actually she’s in the Wonderbolts. She’s in the Wonderbolts and she’s feeling strange because she did everything she could ever want to do as a Wonderbolt… so now there’s nothing left to do. Her dream has left her lonely and confused because there’s nothing more to offer her. She’s hit the top and she wants down again.
This is a character study first and foremost, and it’s perhaps the most effective from the fact that Rainbow Dash, of all the characters on the show, hasn’t achieved her dreams yet. All the rest have their jobs, their families, or their new Princess Play Sets to deal with, and she’s still wrestling with the fact that the Wonderbolts just won’t up and say she’s the best pegasus in all Equestria and let her on the dang team already. We’re still left with as many questions as Rainbow, especially in light of recent episodes: what’s it going to be like once she’s there? Will she ever get there? How will she react? Most importantly, where will it bring her?
Much like you’d expect from a meteoric rise through Wonderbolt ranks, Rainbow starts the story in the middle of another perfect stunt show, yet has her coming back round in a nice big circle to where she began: the ponies she started being so awesome for. That in mind, she makes a decision that is uniquely Rainbow Dash in that it makes a lot of sense while still seeming like rash action without forethought to an outside observer. The key to this story is that it remains true to what we see of Rainbow Dash in the show. Everything in this fic lines up with what Rainbow Dash has said and might say in the future without coming off as melodramatic or giving us some superfluous external reason for Dash doing what she ends up doing. Everything flows naturally from her own thought processes and through the charming flashbacks she has involving Applejack (no, not in that way).
It may have been on EQD already, but darn it if it didn’t get read nearly enough.
STORY 2
Tarnish, by KitsuneRisu
This is a story about a child
a spoon
and change
The shortest story in our lineup tonight is perhaps the most gripping. Tarnish is an experimental little thing—a bleak yet hopeful and scary yet heartwarming little tale about a filly with some serious inner turmoil.
A first-person story is in a character’s head by default, but rare are the times when a story truly feels as though it’s in a character’s head—as though I’m sitting behind Silver Spoon’s eyes looking out at the vague pictures beyond, and the realest things are the thoughts and the darkness and the funny little brain that’s in here with me. This, of course, is a very interesting place to be in a story where the main character’s mind seems at least a little broken.
And the brokenness is masterfully done, which is something that’s hard to say about most attempts that this fandom makes at it (and we do make so very many). I’m no psychologiatrist, but the story gives me a true impression of a child with an emotional problem who nobody up to this point has ever spent enough time caring about to notice—nobody who’d help, at least. The way she thinks about herself and her emotions and actions is gripping and foreign, but with this kernel of relatability that makes me wonder how it is I ever came to think about my emotions and actions the way I do, and why her way is somehow less valid to me. Maybe she needs help, or maybe she just needs some positive attention, or maybe the two are the same.
I’ll say it a third time: gripping. There are lines that hooked into me and won’t be letting go for a while. There are points where Spoon will think some perfect, innocuous thing in just the right way to make me afraid—for her or for others. These are the hallmarks, people. This one is worth anyone’s time.
Once upon a time, there was a brain that didn’t have any thoughts in it. Then, one day, a pony came along and started filling that brain with thoughts that weren’t its own. Come with me, the pony said, and we’ll make fun of the other ponies. I’ll show you how fun it’ll be and you just need to follow my lead.
But this brain belonged to a pony too, and that pony was bothered when she realized that following somepony else doesn’t mean you can ignore what you’ve done during the day.
That brain belongs to Silver Spoon, and this is a very deeply-layered story about her nagging conscience and her very strong efforts to ignore it by just not thinking about it. It’s also a story about her relationship with Diamond Tiara, who leads her on their destructive misadventures in their strange quest to tear down everypony around them. It’s also about Silver Spoon herself and how she comes to terms with what she is, and what she ultimately decides to do about it.
I’ve seen many fics (and the MLP canon itself) portray Silver Spoon as the hanger-on, the yes-pony of Diamond Tiara. This fic writes her that in spades—she literally doesn’t think about what she’s actually doing when she hurts other ponies because Diamond is there to boss her around. But it gives us some much-needed character development that is interesting to watch, deeply cynical and frightening when you consider all the implications, and something to read when you want to learn how to write a crisis of conscience done right.
Seeing this from Silver Spoon’s first person perspective isn’t just an excuse to have funny little tangents and random moments of CAPITAL LETTER SHOUTING; there is no abuse of technique going on here. It’s all there to trap you inside Silver’s mind and force you to see what it’s like in there, and boy is her mind a sad, sad, sad little place to be. Short, clipped, melancholy sentences masterfully expose Silver’s loneliness, inability to break out of her own shell, and her desperate desire to do something for herself that is still hobbled by thoughts she doesn’t quite understand.
But it’s not all hopeless. You’ll notice the story isn’t tagged tragedy. And there’s a simply amazing appearance by Pinkie Pie in the latter half of the story that shows us the author knows how to write a great Pinkie Pie on top of a great Silver Spoon—two characters the fandom can often get so very, very wrong.
Read this fic now, please. It’s a quick read, but it’s one of those quick reads that stick around far longer than you thought they would.
STORY 3
Going Out with a Bang, by Prak
Long Jump's career as a professional daredevil has allowed him to see the world and touch thousands of lives, but fame has taken a heavy toll on him. Instead of retiring quietly, however, he sets out to perform one last stunt, the most dangerous he's ever attempted: a daring leap over Ghastly Gorge...on roller skates.
We have many flavors of Slice of Life tonight, and Going Out with a Bang is probably the sort that comes closest in feel to the show—the least experimental, most linear story of the bunch.
Though both involve Rainbow Dash and feature the end of a pony’s era, this piece is opposite to Pinnacle in a number of ways. Where Pinnacle had all of the hard, visceral action right at the start and tapered off, Going out with a Bang is mostly buildup to its own high-action moment. The former bounces between past and present, and the latter is completely linear. The former feels a bit more weighty in an interpretive sense, and the latter feels like a light piece meant mostly for entertainment.
In Going Out with a Bang, we’ve got the focus on some OCs (plus Rainbow), and the characterization of everyone is probably the strongest point of the story. In less than five thousand words, we meet three OCs and get very good senses of their personalities and relationships, and none of them feel at all out of place or excessively explored. Even Rainbow, who is not the focus and is mostly portrayed in the context of “fan”, has some nice depth here for the story’s length. It can be difficult to create a show feeling when you’re not focusing on show characters, and the way Prak goes about it here is pretty much the way to do it.
There was a typo now and again, and there’s sort of a slow build at the start, but this is a solid piece. An appropriate read for anyone looking for something light but novel.
I’d like to be with somepony who’d rather show off her own mane than run around with my red and white mop on her head.
It’s not the best reason to retire, or the best criteria for a marefriend, maybe, but Long Jump has already seen and done it all and he’s sick to death of it.
Much like Pinnacle earlier, this is a story about a pony who’s climbed to the top of the mountain and has found the top wanting, which is why his job as a stuntpony involves coming right back down once the cannon or ramp or whatever else has put him up there. He wants to do something for his fans that’ll give them something to remember, though, so he decides to put it all on the line and jump the dreaded Ghastly Gorge on roller skates.
It’s a simple premise propped up mostly by the charisma of Long Jump himself. His dialogue, inner thoughts, and mannerisms are portrayed in a clear, succinct, and entertaining manner that weaves itself into the story without being a huge aside to make sure we absolutely “get” what these characters are about. If anything we’re treated to characters who aren’t given enough screen time, leaving us to wonder if they needed to be given it at all. Such a tight focus does need pruning, but when the motivation is as clear cut as in this story, it would have paid to see the author do more with what we’re given.
Ultimately, Rainbow Dash herself makes an appearance once more in this story, but her timing is rather perfunctory and convenient. That doesn’t make the rest of this story bad, however. It’s a nice one shot that introduces us to interesting characters, has them go through an arc of development, and leaves us at a nice, tidy conclusion. In that way, you could say it’s the perfect story! Of course, no story is. But as they say, brevity is the soul of wit, and though Long Jump himself is rather abrasive, he is also compact and easy to understand like the story itself.
STORY 4
His Father’s Yoke, by T-S-H
A father talks to his son.
Now, I’m no stranger to Apple family Slices of Life—I put some of them up for recommendation in the previous round I was in, after all. While it would be fair to say that they’re a dime a dozen, there are some really well-written gems of them. This story, though…
This one was flat-out different.
When I think of the aforementioned well-written gems I’ve read, I recognize that they still tended to be in a similar vein to each other: the Apples are a generally perfect family, but now we’re getting to see them be normal (i.e. getting on each others’ nerves, disliking each other, etc.) for a little while and for whatever reason, only to then reaffirm their perfection with bonding, or the like. Heck, the show plays it that exact same way. Rarely do I see the author take a huge risk with this general formula—while the road may be rocky, the conflict always seems to rely on the fact that the Apples are usually a harmonious, loving group.
In His Father’s Yoke, Big Mac never wanted a sister. He’s hurt her physically on at least one occasion. His father is a man who isn’t afraid to beat him to teach him a lesson. While I’m saying these things at least in part for the shock value, the story doesn’t—these things are played completely straight. They aren’t disgusting. They aren’t there to make you feel as though anyone is a bad person. They’re just facts about the state of the Apple family at the time this story takes place, and the conflict relies on that—that what they have as a family isn’t wholly working, but they might someday be better if they start heading down a new path now. There’s no “perfection” to return to; the Apple family is broken in a way that they’re never going to fully recover from, but they might be able to work around. In that way it’s such a radical shift from what I’m used to in even a good Apple family SoL, I was amazed that it worked so well.
If this story has a major flaw, it’s that it’s hard to follow, at least at the start. It has a sort of dual vagueness that doesn’t play nice with itself: Big Mac’s thoughts make continual references to a “she” and you’re not immediately sure whether it refers to his mother or sister, and this story alternates between two different situations and times and you’re not made immediately aware of which of them takes place first chronologically. While I’m confident that these two things were individually purposeful and could have been used to good effect, the combination had me re-reading the first few scenes a number of times just to try and figure out what was happening. My advice to you is simply to pay the best attention you can and move on, because the beginning becomes clearer as the story continues.
All in all, this story did something with the Apples I’ve never seen done, and wouldn’t have thought could work as well as it did. If you like your Apples pure, you might want to steer clear, but if you want to see them being real, look no further.
Stop me if you’ve heard this before. There was once a time Big Mac had to get over literally hating his own sister and the awkwardness life suddenly thrusts on him when he has to carry loads he’s still too young to have.
If that wasn’t enough, Big Mac’s father had to share the load struggle, with what little strength he had left, to give his family hope before he gave up the ghost after their mother died.
This is a story about how these two ponies come to grips with a world that doesn’t bend over backwards for the bonds of family, and the frayed bonds that come with tragic loss.
In any other story Big Mac is the hidden poet or writer or philosopher of the Apple family, which he hides underneath his stoic exterior. There’s nothing wrong with that. But so many stories do it in an artificial way. Big Mac isn’t a poet and philosopher because he has reasons to be that way. He just is because, well, that’s what all mysterious, soft-spoken strangers are deep down, right? And the Apple family… it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but they pull together and settle differences because that’s just what they do, right? Not quite. This story takes those tired ideas and turns them inside out, gives them a fresh coat of paint, and has them treat you to dinner and a movie.
It gives you a story behind those eccentricities. It gives you a reason to care. It gives you a tale that’s poignant and sad, yet uplifting by the end. This story doesn’t pull any punches either, forcing the Apples to confront a darker side of their characters, and by extension removing us from the saccharine world of MLP… but given where the show’s gone in some episodes, is it really so hard to imagine these characters as riven with issues that make them not so sparkle-happy as we like to believe? But the flaws in this version of the Apple family are flaws we all have to deal with as people, and a family as traumatized as the Apples certainly grappled with them to. This story invites you to sit down by the fire and listen in as Big Mac’s father tries to pass on some of the lessons his ancestors taught him, and thrill to Big Mac’s struggle to learn from ponies who didn’t quite get everything right in life.
I have to say the story is written… oddly. It’s hard to follow in some points, deliberately vague and terse and perhaps a little too obtuse and full of headcanon for its own good. But do not be scared away. Read this story and remember that imperfection, even when it gets downright ugly, can give us some of the most beautiful stories around. Learn from it like Big Mac has to learn. And try to remember that when you think Big Mac is a thoughtful pony, it’s because there must certainly be something he had to think deeply about in the first place.
It was midnight in the headquarters of the Seattle’s Angels. Fires raged across the building. Random computer terminals exploded and sparked for no reason. Doors everywhere had been hacked down or forced open. Ink splattered walls and torn sheets of paper were further testament to the insanity. Reviewers ran back and forth through the building, foaming at the mouth as they screamed about getting their fair slice. Madness was overtaking the entire base.
Casca, covered in soot and considerably worse for wear, typed madly at one of the few remaining computers that hadn’t been infected. All the others displayed nothing but pictures of half-eaten pie.
“Come on, come on,” he muttered. “Memetic infections, effects of gluten-free crust, contaminated foil… something’s gotta have the answer!”
“Hey Cas,” chirped Pav through one of their lapel-mounted communicators. “I just heard about pie in the building and I tried to call in about it but all I hear is a bunch of screaming and deathmurder going on. What’s happening up there?”
“Pav! Help me!” cried a wild-eyed Casca. “We might be the only ones left now. Something’s overtaken the other reviewers. They can’t stop talking about getting a slice of pie or a slice of life or whatever kind of slice they want! Nothing but slices everywhere!”
“Ah. One of these memetic dealieboppers, eh?” groaned Pav. “Reminds me of the time we were overrun by peaches. Damn things were like tribbles. Well, don’t worry. We’ll take a bite out of this faster than you say ‘Twilestia is bestia.’ I’ll be right up.”
Casca sighed in relief. At least one of the others hadn’t fallen to this lunacy. Blowing a kiss of thanks to one of the many motivational posters of Neon Boom they had around the building, he turned back to the computer.
He stopped and blinked again.
“Wait. A bite?”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/1734/seattles-angels
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/1734/seattles-angels/thread/5830/fic-recommendation-thread
This group does feature an awful lot of Slice of Life stories. Including the ones in this round, we've had 66 stories with that tag reviewed here; that's about half of all the features.
Is memetic mutation more like falling in ooze and becoming a ninja, or one of those birth defects?
Bites > slices
I'm going to second... um... third the recommendation of Tarnish.
2143694
>mfw the story people complain about us not reviewing isn't even in the recommendation thread
2145790
They are?! What kind of tiny-ass pies have you people been fighting over? You know what, the hell with your slices. I'm more of a brownie guy anyway. I don't suppose you have any of those lying around?
On a more serious note, this makes the third time one of KitsuneRisu's stories has been reviewed by this group. Any chance you're going to bring him on as a special guest in an upcoming podcast?
2149648
Hello. I believe someone mentioned my name.
And it won't be the last time! Muahahaha! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
blogs.itb.ac.id/tida/files/2012/08/OTL.jpg
2151373
I believe that. But your evil laugh needs work.
Thank you Barraku Pansa and thank you Red Squirrel 456. I was so happy to see your star favorites on my story--little did I know It would lead to several more star favorites (and thumb favorites) in total! Your reviews are appreciated and I hope to improve upon those entirely agreeable inefficiencies.
Also many thanks to the city of Seattle and its wonderful group. Even though I am not a resident, you took my story in and gave it a chance. In return, I hope to impress you with my newfound knowledge of Seattle and its many charms:
Did you know the Seattle Public Library system holds the highest number of library card registries per capita in the United States? (I tried to find my town on this list but could not. I called my public library in request of this information but they rudely turned me down. I called a second time but had to give up after 34 minutes of unbearable call-waiting music [that "hey-ya hey-ya hey-ya" rubbish; on second thought I doubt my town ranks anywhere on this list at all]. My apologies).
Do you like gasoline in your car? I do, but even I would've never "gassed" that the country's first gasoline station went up in Seattle.
And, of course, Seattle is the home of bean-behemoth Starbucks. I may be a Dunkin' guy myself, but even now I sip a Chaimocha double grand coffee in honor of you, Seattle's Angels.
Thank you.