Captain Justice · 7:01am May 18th, 2014

It's been blogged elsewhere (in fact, it happened last year), but I felt the need to share, so that more eyes could see.

Tennessee defense attorney Drew Justice, in the case of Tennessee v. Donald Powell, sent a response to the motion that the phrase "the Government" be barred from the proceedings. In other words, the lawyer representing Tennessee didn't want Drew or Powell calling the State of Tennessee "the Government."

The response starts off as you might expect, with mentions of first amendment rights and references to previous cases. Drew makes a strong argument against the motion. At the end of page 2, it turns... hilarious. The full text is available here, but here's the last page, the funny bit you're actually interested in reading:

Should this Court disagree, and feel inclined to let the parties basically pick their own designations and ban words, then the defense has a few additional suggestions for amending the speech code. First, the Defendant no longer wants to be called "the Defendant." This rather archaic term of art, obviously has a fairly negative connotation. It unfairly demeans, and dehumanizes Mr. Donald Powell. The word "defendant" should be banned. At trial, Mr. Powell hereby demands be addressed only by his full name, preceded by the title "Mister." Alternatively,he may be called simply "the Citizen Accused." This latter title sounds more respectable than the criminal "Defendant." The designation "That innocent man" would also be acceptable.
Moreover, defense counsel does not wish to be referred to as a "lawyer," or a "defense attorney." Those terms are substantially more prejudicial than probative.
See Tenn. R. Evid. 403. Rather, counsel for the Citizen Accused should be referred to primarily as the "Defender of the Innocent." This title seems particularly appropriate, because every Citizen Accused is presumed innocent. Alternatively, counsel would also accept the designation "Guardian of the Realm." Further, the Citizen Accused humbly requests an appropriate military title for his own representative, to match that of the opposing counsel. Whenever addressed by name, the name "Captain Justice" will be appropriate. While less impressive than "General," still, the more humble term seems suitable. After all, the Captain represents only a Citizen Accused, whereas the General represents an entire State.
Along these same lines, even the term "defense" does not sound very likeable. The whole idea of being defensive, comes across to most people as suspicious. So to prevent the jury from being unfairly misled by this ancient English terminology, the opposition to the Plaintiff hereby names itself "the Resistance." Obviously, this terminology need only extend throughout the duration of the trial — not to any pre-trial motions. During its heroic struggle against the State, the Resistance goes on the attack, not just the defense.
WHEREFORE, Captain Justice, Guardian of the Realm and Leader of the Resistance, primarily asks that the Court deny the State's motion, as lacking legal basis. Alternatively, the Citizen Accused moves for an order in limine modifying the speech code as aforementioned, and requiring any other euphemisms and feel-good terms as the Court finds appropriate.

Note: As far as I can tell, this is the same Donald Powell who was wanted for aggravated burglary and probation violation. He's got multiple convictions for burglary, joy riding, probation violation, and evading arrest. He's not a nice guy, but he got a great lawyer. :3

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