Patriotism at its finest · 1:19pm May 8th, 2014
As some of you may know, I am Australian.
As most of you have guessed, I like writing silly things.
With these powers combined, I would like to present to you a small Oz-English dictionary.
These are all things that I can say out loud and completely straight-faced to another Australian and have them completely understand what I mean.
"Drop us a line this arvo and we'll sort you out, right mate?" - Contact me this afternoon and I will offer further assistance, my friend.
"We're running on fumes, so I'm going to chuck a U-y and pop in to the servo, alright?" - We are out of petrol in the tank so I will perform a u turn and refuel at that service station, if that's okay with you.
"Now, that was a fair dinkum cop, mate, but watch it." - What you just said was a little offensive, though accurate, so I will take it with good humour for the moment.
Dag's off with the pixies catching flies. - That uncouth individual is daydreaming so he doesn't realize his mouth is hanging open.
"Alright, offers for lunch are maccas or a chookwich." - Would you prefer a chicken sandwich or McDonald's for lunch?
"Careful mate, he's sloshed and he might take a swing at you." - This man is drunk and belligerent. Best avoid.
"Either get stuffed or stop flapping your gums." - Either stop talking or go away.
"He's spewing, wonder what's got him so aggro." - He's raving angrily, I wonder what's got him so upset.
"Let me introduce you to the gang. Those handsome blokes are Wazza, Gaz, Dino, Stevo and Blue the ranga and the lovely sheilas are Shazza, Jules, Jezzie, Liz and Beth."
Let me introduce you to my friends. These good looking men are Warren, Garry, Dean, Steve and an unnamed gentleman who had the misfortune of being born with red hair.
The wonderful girls are Sharren, Julie, Jessica, Elizabeth and Elizabeth.
"You got you swimmers, togs, bathers, cozzies, thongs and towels?" "Have you got your swimwear, swimwear, swimwear, swimwear, footwear and towels?"
"Don't forget to slip, slop, slap?" - "Remember to put on sunscreen and wear a hat to protect yourself from sunburn."
"I'm dead on my feet knackered, ankle biter kept me up 'til sparrow's fart." - I have been kept up all night by a small child and this has made me too exhausted to stand."
"He's spit the dummy" - He's spit the baby's pacifier -
"Running around like a headless chook, dude's lost it." - He's running around like a headless
"Don't come the raw prawn with me, mate." - I believe you are lying to me and this has made me angry.
"Pash, snog, swap gobs and tonsil hockey." - Passionately kiss, passionately kiss, passionately and passionately kiss.
Chuck a squiz at that bonza beauty - "Have a look at that pretty girl"
"Drongos gone to the bottleo for some bombo to take back to the houseo during smokeo" - The idiot has gone to buy cheap alcohol from the bottle shop to take back to the cheap public housing during his short break from work.
"Occers gone for a bludge." - This uncouth person is being lazy and avoiding work.
"Check the speedo because if you're fangin' it, they'll nick you." - Check your speedometer in the car because if you are over the speed limit the police will catch you.
I understood a few of these without the translation. For the rest...
Well, dialect is a wondrous thing.
......Australia is a strange, horrifying place.
I can walk down the street here in Minnesota and hear half of these.
The other half, not so much.
I guess Minnesota is Canadas' Australia.
Seagulls.
That was magnificent!
...
For some reason, I suddenly want to grab a Fosters and throw some shrimp on the barbie.
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*Toohey's
*Prawn
I think I understood two of those completely without the translation, and partially understood about half-a-dozen of them.
Australia is a strange and mysterious place.
Strewth, mate - this yarn was top o' the wozza! These yanks and pommies probably reckon you got a few too many roos loose in the top paddock, but you're a right bonza bloke in my books.
'Straya.
That's awesome.
Oh Australia... you somehow manage to make the US look grown-up and sane. And we love you for it.
I can't decide whether it's hilarious or terrible that several of these would be heard in Canada without any irony whatsoever.
Australia: Basically the planet Zorg. It's full of strange creatures and incomprehensible speech.
About half of these are pretty common in Britain too.
The rest are completely bonkers.
"...Liz and Beth."
That is the worst name for nicknames. Although Margaret might be worse for names that have nothing to do with its nicknames. (Peggy? Daisy? Pearl? Really?)
Don't forget to mention you guys put beets on your burgers instead of pickles.
Mr Numbers, my dear fellow,
What a delightful little guide to that strange dialect that is Australian. Utterly charming indeed.
Toodle pip and tally HO!
I'm Australian too, and live quite bogan adjacent and I have never heard half of these
. Sometimes my country worries me 
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In Boganese all words are just 'mate' with a different inflection, mate. Mate? Mate! Maaate. Mate, mate.
Mate.
It's when you go rural that this starts becoming an issue.