Con coverage post that is typed legibly. · 5:20am Apr 20th, 2014
Greetings all from my laptop, a magical device that doesn't automatically correct my spelling based on really shitty predictive algorithms and swype features invented by forty year old men who wouldn't know that B-U-R-D doesn't spell bird.
So, quick recap: Last like, 4 blogs? Entirely done on a phone. This includes some witty comments to posts and stuff... I've had a LOT of free time in lines lately. Which brings me to my first point:
Don't be that guy. If you're in line for autographs, be punctual and concise. Unless you have been medically diagnosed with something, or are in the show's target 6-10 year old demographic, just give them the thing to sign, ask them to do "the thing" you want (photo, record a voice, read a line, do a cartwheel) and move on.
There's nothing worse than 500 people waiting in line to get a signature, let's just pretend it is Tara Strong's who hasn't gone to a con sense Las Failusus, and every person feeling entitled to ask the voice actor for oh.... "Timmy from Fairy Odd Parents. Now Bubbles! Now Twilight! Now Kimpossible! Now Danny what's-it-face! Now Chainsaw-Lollipop! Oh wait, auto-graph my other bottle of prescription meds too!"
I know I may seem a bit harsh on this whole thing, but you haven't been to cons... you don't know what it was like. Or maybe you do. The guy next to me in line waited four and a half hours to get Matt Smith and David Tennant's autographs. In a rare show of awesome, they told the staff at that convention "These people have been waiting in line, you're not closing the autograph room until the rest of the line gets through."
But alas, this isn't a con where we can bend the rules of time and space. I was in line from 30 minutes before autographs started until they closed, 3 hours later... and the writers started. The first ninety minutes the line didn't move. As I alluded, children, sponsors, and the differently abled go first. Then, since no one wanted any autograph except Tara and Ashleigh, they did the following:
"Anyone who doesn't want Tara or Ashleigh, cut the line!"
So a bunch of people started cutting to get Cathy Wesluck or that one dude who does Big Mac. Anyhow, here's the kicker: A guy next to me asked "Can I go get Cathy's and then I have to get back at the end of this line for Tara?"
"Nope! You can *CUT THE LINE FOR TARA STRONG* to get Cathy's signature and then *LINE UP IN THE ROOM, CUTTING THE OTHER 500 PEOPLE* to get Tara's signature.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
And if there's really one thing that I actually do take seriously, that's not just a joke or for shits and giggles or negative attention, it's stupid people.
I can't stand stupidity.
Only two things are infinite: the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe. -Einstein.
So yeah, you can do whatever you want, Bill of Rights, I fought for your freedom, and what not... but so help me Diety-of-your-choosing, if you do purposefully stupid things I will think really harsh, nasty thoughts in my head while glaring at you and pondering the consequences of punching you in the throat.
Hey, one day I might actually do it. Who knows, maybe I haven't had my caffiene yet that day.
Ahem, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.... autographs are always the worst part of cons. Except Cloudsdale Congress. Only 300 or so attendees, and I got to spend time making small talk with Lee Tolkar (Snips) three times, PLUS get a photo AND autograph for one price. Oh, and talked to Apple Bloom's VA twice. It was so small, so serene... and basically, I think I'll only go to small cons from now on. I got to eat breakfast at the table next to Lee Tokar. That just doesn't happen at big cons. I'm pretty sure the VA's aren't staying in this hotel, they'd get mobbed by fans, they're probably in a fallout bunker somewhere.
Oh yeah, here's the pics. I get carried away with my rants sometime, but I guess that floats your boat, because you're still following me as I fail my way up the site's top 50 list. And for that, I thank you.
Princess Big Mac. He comes. He comes.
Quote of the day: "What's your favorite kind of apple?"
Answer: "Well, they're all good, but I really like how braeburn tastes. [laughter from crowd] What? I meant the apple, what did you guys think I meant?"
As much as I wanted to cast the fandom in a negative light and kidnap Tara Strong, I respect the autograph line too much to take more than my allotted fifteen seconds with her. 500 more people behind me wanted her auto-graph, and she was making $20 per minute for 3 hours straight. You guys do realize Tara just banked upwards of $3,600 ($1200/hour) under optimal conditions for signing her name on stuff?
Holy shit. No wonder VA's love cons. We might as well give her a sponge-bath using only Abraham Lincoln's. No wonder he's always smiling on the $20.
San Fransisco bay. Yeah, it's stupid. That's why I don't go outside. I could have seen the bay on youtube and saved money on car insurance in fifteen minutes or less from my mother's basement.
Tsitra art to add to my (totally not a stalker) collection. I considered getting Ashleigh and Andrea to sign their character's grimdark art respectively, but I'm not sure I have it in me to stand through another auto-graph line.
I can either show up two hours before the autographs open to actually get an autograph, or wait in line 3 hours to maybe get an autograph... pretty bad situation if you ask me, then again, how cool would that be?
BronyWriter was jealous I got this one. If you haven't read his story, Gwenwyn, about Serial Killer Fluttershy, go do it now. You're just embarrassing yourself by not reading about cutest pony killing ponies.
That was the con. I'll record my grimdark panel, likely get mugged by the EQD staff in the elevator afterward, and wake up missing a kidney and half a lung. I'll be home tomorrow, go to class, and start writing pony again. Apparently Twilight's Dollhouse 2 is due for some updates. I'd considered a re-write of the original, you know like how Hollywood re-writes EVERY MOVIE EVER lately (seriously, spiderman sucked, amazing spiderman sucked, just let that franchise die. The rest of the marvel universe is doing just fine in the "not being ruined by teenage Beiber-look-alikes" category.)
So um yeah, Twilight's Dollhouse: finish sequel so I can start the trilogy, or re-write original as if I'm Hollywood? Vote in the comments and I'll pretend to tally the votes.
p.s. if I'm not seen or heard from again, Calpain and Sethisto killed me. I know they're here at the con, and my buddy Acesential assures me I should say hi to Calpain for him, but I know it's a trap. He just wants me to reveal myself so they can follow me to my room and set the C4 charges.... but I'm onto them, oh yes I am. I'll show them who likes to torture, rape, dismember, and abuse ponies!
oh thanks for the free pictures for my desktop background
however, it's 1:20 am, go back to sleep...
*assuming I actually sleep*
P.s can you upload those pictures?
2026974
Hmm to where? They're on Facebook now, I'll copy the ones I want to keep to Deviant Art later.
I hate facebook. Almost as much as I hate [insert racial stereotypes here.]
2026980 dunno, just somewhere so that I can find them tommorrow (today?) later on... As you can see, I'm very tired so I don't make much sensejbtmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry, my fingers just stopped responding
...
did you mean...$5?
~Dash The Stampede
2027177
Hell of I know. Lincoln is the one that chopped down cherry trees?
I guess I could have tried to go to that. It is only like 2 hours away from me.
Who, might I ask, is Gwnwyn?
2027278
or 
Can't tell if
...It's Kaidan.
So both.
~Dash The Stampede
Yeah, that's why I don't go to Cons.
I thought its because you're too lazy to drive a few hours.
F*** you, Sam. Anyways, please don't re-do Dollhouse. I already have three of my top stories going under rewrites, please don't add a fourth.
Update Dollhouse 2
2031078 i
Okay, you're the first person to ask. I've been waiting months for someone to ask :-)