Fic recs, April 10th · 6:49pm Apr 10th, 2014
Hey, uh, does anyone remember me reviewing When I Was Thirty by shortskirtsandexplosions? I know I read it (I fav’d it) and I feel like it wasn’t that long ago, but I don’t have a record of it in my spreadsheet. Meaning I either never reviewed it, or did and forgot to write it down. :/ I hate doing things twice, which is why I want to be sure before I go back through it for a review.
And yeah, I kind of felt like reading the other day, so this one’s packed.
H: 1 R: 1 C: 7 V: 3 N: 1
Friendship Is Tragic by Vermillon
Reading by Akash the Reader
He sounds like he’s got a cold, but he’s got good volume and a very dramatic reading style, and though he doesn’t try to differentiate his characters overmuch, he does know how to get the most out of dialogue. I couldn’t help but laugh at how much his Rainbow Dash sounds like the one from the .MOV series, though. Really, my only criticism is that the background music is sometimes a touch loud for his voice, but it never made hearing the story difficult.
Genre: Future Fic
There are a number of stories out there with similar titles, but this is, uh, the one on the PFA I guess? “I remember them like it was yesterday; how much can you change in a few years?” This line, near the end of the story, encapsulates the difficulty of writing future fics: how much can the characters change in a given time period and still be recognizable? Change them too much, and you lose the connection to the show. Don’t change them, and you risk making people wonder why the time jump. Either way, you’re pretty much gonna do it wrong; this story definitely did. After some-odd years, Twilight disappearing off on a quest, Princess Celestia dying (offscreen, with barely a sentence devoted to it; oh yeah, and Spike died, too), and Twilight enduring a coma for some-odd time, we get to watch Twilight stumbling through a crapsack Equestria, trying to find her friends. Applejack has become a ball of muscles and hatred. Rainbow Dash is a wingless sad sack. Fluttershy is a former slave rescued by Rarity, but not before her vocal cords were removed. (In one of the few scenes in this story that works, Fluttershy’s introduction is a Rarity fakeout.) Rarity is a heartless bitch who has built a fashion empire on slave labor and dead animals. And Pinkie Pie is the Queen of Parties and Batshit Crazy in the Everfree Forest. (She dies at the end.) This isn’t even 5 o’clock news tragic, it’s just patently ridiculous through and through, and yet another story attempting for emotion that only made me laugh uproariously. I could make some noise about how the introduction should have been the description, for all the weight it gives major events, but there’s no single thing that could save this from being a melodramatic inversion of everything the show stands for. (If there’s anything actually tragic about it, it’s that Rainbow Dash seems to be the only one out of them who hasn’t forgotten the meaning of friendship, despite everything she goes through during the story.) It’s fitting that Twilight throws herself off a cliff at the end. I mean, if anything sums this piece up succinctly, it’s Twilight suicide. Don’t read this unless you have a healthy appreciation for fics with poor concepts.
Not Recommended
Twilight Discovers Literary Analysis by Amit
Genre: Metafiction
I blogged about this story back in December 2012, before my more regimented review style, and frankly, I have no idea what I really thought of it, so I’m going to re-read it and see if I can’t give it a full review. Twilight reads a book on literary analysis and goes a little crazy afterward, in a way that only Twilight Sparkle can. I was right the first time: this really is a fantastic mindfuck. It’s not your standard fourth-wall-breaking story, in that Twilight assumes she’s in a narrative and continually guesses at the meaning of things. That she’s generally right doesn’t diminish the fact that she really has no idea what’s going on, unlike when Pinkie breaks the fourth wall in most fanfics and talks to the author or comments on spelling errors or whatever. Along with the meta comedy, there’s some discussion of free will and purpose plus if you’ve ever wanted an extended scene of Celestia slapping Twilight around, this is the fic for you. I enjoyed the heck out of this, and if you like convoluted self-referential stories that don’t pander to the lowest common denominator, you likely will as well.
Recommended
Cargo Cult by Lucres
Genre: Fandom Commentary
Like Ponies Discover /co/, this is pretty old and won’t have much of effect on anyone who isn’t really familiar with the fandom’s early days. It’s about Twilight crash-landing in the Everfree and stumbling upon a pony-worshipping group of goblins who call themselves the "Broni". As allegory, it’s not terribly subtle, but it’s still effective. What’s great is how deftly Lucres transforms 4chan culture into that of a society of little forest creatures. Unfortunately, the fandom allegory is about all there is to recommend about this. The rest moves along at a brisk pace, the focus being solely on introducing the little guys. Still, though this shows its age, it should be fun for anyone who was in the fandom before 2013.
Recommended If You’re an OldfagYou Remember the Early Days of the Fandom
Moving On by Seattle Lite
Genre: Shipping
Despite being some of the sliciest life I’ve ever read, this fic is a whirlwind of chaos that I quite honestly had a hard time following. It certainly doesn’t hold back, beginning as it does with a (non-graphic) scene of (a thankfully much older) Sweetie Belle getting caught clopping by her sister. From there, it moves into a fairly standard opening, introducing her current life in the future, her relationship with Scootaloo, and their plans to move in together. Chapter two then kicks off with explosions and frantic running around, and from that point, I lost track of what’s going on. It moves from that to Sweetie tearing around her apartment for no particular reason, to her trying to get Apple Bloom to have sex with Scootaloo (?!), to Rainbow Dash and Applejack fighting. I think it might just be a trip through the author’s envisioning of a future Ponyville, but really I’m not sure. Despite the fighting in chapter 3, there’s not a lot of actual conflict, and what little there is (in chapter 4) is resolved pretty easily. Further baffling is the POV. All three CMCs get turns as the perspective character, but the first change isn’t until the end of chapter 2, by which point I’m used to seeing the story through Sweetie’s eyes, so it feels like a mistake at first. Plus, Scootaloo’s sections are in third person, while Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's are in first, and I literally have no explanation for that. I will say that I liked Sweetie’s voice, as she seems to have become something of an uber-free-spirit, run through a Rarity-shaped filter. Her relationship with Scootaloo is portrayed fairly well, and there’s a lot of cute moments. That, I fear, might be the entire purpose of this fic, though: the author wanted their ship (admittedly, ScootieBelle is an old favorite), so they got it and played around with it a little and then they were done. Anyway, aside from the bits I mentioned and a few typos, the writing is pretty great, though folks not interested in aged-up CMC shenanigans won’t get anything out of this.
Recommended for Shippers Only
Electrotica by Jot Jiggety Jog
Reading by Dr. Renegade
Mature: Sex
Genre: PWP
I’m only reading this because the author wrote one of my favorite erotic shipfics, Ribbons and Lace. This, I am slightly less enthusiastic about. It’s pretty much every ScratchTavia fic ever, wrapped around some, uh, sound-play? “Subwoofer panties” is the key phrase. Oh, and there’s electrical play too. The big problem with this piece (other than I’m not particularly interested in it in any way, shape or form) is that it would look or sound better than it reads. It's hard to convey getting someone off to music without there being any actual music during the scene. Also, the ‘action’ is interrupted in the middle by Octavia running home to get her electric cello for round two. It does serve a purpose, as it allows Vinyl to 'prepare' herself, but it still breaks the flow. I can only imagine there’s a niche audience for this piece, but no more.
Vaguely Recommended
Rainbow Dash Versus the Marewich by Capn_Chryssalid
Genre: Comedy
The title, as it turns out, is a play on Manwich. (I wonder if that translates outside the US?) I have a sneaking suspicion this was written for the same EQD minific competition that produced the first Elements of Awesomery side story. The theme was “Rainbow Dash can’t cook”, and unfortunately, that’s about all there is to this piece, aside from a whole heap of ponified pop-culture references. It plays fairly heavily on a number of tropes, most especially “bachelor who can’t cook”, but that part at least is amusing to watch unfold. If you don’t demand much from your comedies, this might be worth a read; at under two thousand words, it’s certainly not going to waste much of your time.
Vaguely Recommended
Business as Usual by RogerDodger
Genre: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
If you’re not familiar with the name, Roger is the fellow who hosts the writeoff website, and once upon a time, he wrote for them as well. This piece is from the very first one, if I’m not mistaken (there’s a reference to a “one-way ticket”, which was the prompt). It’s about Filthy Rich taking his daughter on a business trip, where some shady dealings go down. It moves along at a fairly brisk pace, and things go sour pretty quickly for Mr. Rich, somewhat out of nowhere. Two major issues with this story are that the dialogue sometimes doesn’t fit the characters’ mouths, and Diamond Tiara doesn’t have much of a role. She ends up being a sounding board, bargaining chip, and messenger by the end, but I’d definitely have liked to see some of the business affairs she’s privy to during the fic rub off on her so she can save the day. Alas, this ends on something of a downer, so be warned. I will give Roger credit for writing a fairly realistic business-based story, though as business is something I have zero knowledge of, I suppose that’s not a terribly meaningful assessment. Fans of Diamond Tiara’s family will likely get the most out of this.
Vaguely Recommended
The Companion Deception by Severine
Genre: Mad Lib
There’s literally no other way I can describe this, save as the end result of a mad lib session. There’s no rhyme nor reason to anything that happens in the story, but once I made that connection, it was a total blast. Half of that reason is that one of the repeated nouns is “diamonds an shit”. (Also, both the description and the cover image are equally hilarious!) If you like mad libs, but want to skip the messy part where you have to come up with words for them, or if you just like trollfics, you will love this.
Recommended If You Like Mad Libs
In Her Majesty’s Absence by PegasusMesa
Genre: Historical
This picks up at a really interesting point in Equestrian history: directly after Nightmare Moon’s banishment, Celestia is too distraught to raise the moon, and so the land has been parched by the sun for two days straight. Add to this the disbanding of the Night Guard and general chaos in the palace as Celestia’s advisors try to figure out how to get her to lower the sun, and you’ve got a ready mix of emotions and stresses for conflict. I will say that the first half of this outshines the second somewhat. Every word is placed well and the writing is generally unimpeachable. The second half relies quite a bit on flashbacks, which I found somewhat disappointing for reasons I cannot adequately express, but it’s still well written, and also passes the Luna test, which is impressive all by itself. Mostly, this is just a really unique situation played out well by a strong cast of characters.
Highly Recommended
Evicted by Mystic
Genre: Comedy
Speaking of neat ideas, this piece chronicles the life and downfall of a certain earth pony who used to live in the Ponyville library until she was kicked out to make room for Twilight Sparkle. Now, don’t get me wrong: this story is hilarious. But it also treads heavily on Celestia not caring overly much for her citizens, as well as Equestria in general being more concerned with bureaucracy than actually helping anypony. If you really take Equestria seriously, this story just won’t work, but I for one don’t, so I can swallow it in the name of humorously making one pony’s life just that much more incredibly worse.
Recommended If You Don’t mind Comedic Character Destruction
After-School Special by Cypriot
Mature: Sex
Genre: Clopfic
Yeah, I’m still doing the “review one from everyone I’m watching” thing, and this is Cypriot’s only story. It’s from the only writeoff to allow mature material (that I won with Dinky’s First Kill, oddly). This is well-written, but darned if it isn’t just one of the strangest fics I’ve ever read. The first half establishes that it’s a well-known secret around Ponyville that Cheerilee offers “extra services” to anypony who shows up after classes let out. Namely, she has sex with a former student during his last day in Ponyville before he moves out on his own. Then, in the second half, Applejack shows up, and, well, Cheerilee has a thing for Applejack. Now, the romance angle is probably the weakest part of this, but honestly, as clopfics go, it’s rather good, not the least reason for which is that aforementioned good writing. Though I couldn’t help but notice that author never once uses the word ‘pussy’, opting for slightly more crude synonyms, which I thought was rather odd, if only because this is first-person from Cheerilee’s perspective. Still, you could do far worse when it comes to pony erotica, and it does offer just a smidge more than pure sex.
Recommended If You Like Pony Sex
Mareway and Hurst by BronyCray
Genre: Confession
This story makes the one-two knockout punch of grand mistakes in fanfiction: deviating from show tone and having an all-OC cast. Even as someone with fairly low standards for pony content in stories, I had to wonder why this wasn’t published as regular fiction. It’s about a normal guy, confessing to the police about a murder. It does a good job establishing him as a character, as well as the circumstances behind the crime of passion he commits. I couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him by the end. This isn’t terribly deep, but the writing is good and fans of noir will likely find something to enjoy. It’s just, sans a mention of cutie marks and one instance of taking Celestia’s name in vain, there’s nothing intrinsically pony about this.
Recommended If You Don’t Need Lots of Pony in Your Pony
The Great and Powerful Ship by Tittyhawk
Mature: Sex
Genre: The Greatest Second-Person Pony-on-Actual-Person Clopfic Ever
Despite having been there at the time of this story’s inception, I can’t remember if the author was dared to write it or if he was making good on a threat. Suffice to say, this is a story wherein you, as Trixie, have sex with Sethisto — yes, that Sethisto — while he’s updating Equestria Daily and generally ignoring you. It’s unspeakably hilarious and also mostly just an inside joke, because to get the most out of it, you really have to understand what Seth is like in person. (Shit Pre-Readers Say is a good place to start.) I don’t know what the fandom’s opinion of him is, honestly, but suffice to say, this is pretty accurate. (Although he doesn’t approve fics anymore, just sayin’.) Despite this story breaking pretty much all of my taboos about fanfic — second person, human on pony sex, involves a real individual, focuses on nipples just a little too much... that's not really a taboo, I'm just sayin'... — the fact that it’s such a terrific sendup of him, not to mention Trixie, and given that I’ve written this entire review without having reread one word of it, well… I don’t know what anyone else could get out of this, but I love it.
Recommended for Terrible People
Alright, so there's an exception to the "no real people" rule for fanfiction.
Hey, thanks for reviewing my story. It's always nice to see people say nice things about your work.
On a semi-related note, what's the Luna test?
You're getting lenient, PP.
Also, loads of sex this time round. Mmmmm. Sex.
What the hell is a manwich?
1997967
'What the hell is a manwich?'
Otherwise known as a sloppy joe.
1998082
Ah. Thank you.
Ok, THAT I've heard of at least, although still not common around my parts. Those things are a terror to eat. Which I guess, is why they call them sloppy joes. Manwich, on the other hand...
1998093
Well, Manwich is a popular brand of sloppy joe mix (contains peppers, seasoning, things like that, to add to the ground beef), so that's why Manwich and 'sloppy joe' are more or less interchangeable here in the states.
1998117
Oh, OK, that actually makes a lot more sense now! I actually wonder if I can get that stuff here. Time to go hit the Western Grocery.
Yes. You guys have Asian Groceries. We have western ones. =D
And at the very least, I could probably pick up some hamburger helper or a taco kit, haha.
Oh jeez why did you review this
I thought it might be fun to give more subtext than the standard clopfic, but I honestly have no idea what's considered good clop or why. And I even 'won' last place!
1997909
You got her Early Modern English dialogue correct. :D (Minus a single imperative, but since I had to go look up the proper form for it myself, I can hardly fault you for not knowing what I don't even know! :B)
1997967
Ahh, that confirms my suspicion. :)
1998367
Hey, you exist! :D Obviously, you should write a sequel. Make Cheerilee an honest mare!
1998449
Seriously. Manwich and Sloppy Joes both sound like they could be taken in rather interesting and colourful interpretations. You guys need better naming conventions.
The only one here I can say I've read is Seattle's story, and... well, it's just not to my taste. I won't begrudge those that want to write sexytimes or say there's something wrong with doing so, but I just have zero interest in reading any of it, so I bailed out pretty quickly.
1998496
no, you >:|
1998560
You know what, you can go ahead and take a sloppy joe in your manwich.
1998576
wanna watch? <:V
1998731
Only if I can make videos...
So that's what The Companion Deception was... A freaking mad lib!? I read that one a while back and wasn't sure what it was... Now it makes total sense... Well as much sense as that story can. XD
1998731
Only if I can do colour commentary in a celebrity voice.
1999253
I was hoping for some confirmation from the author, but literally no other explanation would make any sense, if only because I don't know how you could write a story like that otherwise (Fluttershy continuously being referred to as 'he'?) without being monumentally schizophrenic. c.c