New subchapter(8a) of Letters From a Little Princess Monster on Friday. Also a Feghoot. · 10:33pm Mar 20th, 2014
I’ve decided to do a Feghoot for the EqD Weekly Writer Training Grounds story. I would apologize in advance, but…
Racing Through Tines and Plates With Ferd And Feg Hoot
Feghoot: (a) A story pun (also known as a poetic story joke or Feghoot) is a humorous short story or vignette ending in an atrocious pun (typically a play on a well-known phrase) where the story contains sufficient context to recognize the punning humor.
(b) One of two brothers who compete against Maude Pie and her pet in the West Minister Pet Show Kitchen Obstacle Race.
Teaser from Chapter 8b of Letters From a Little Princess Monster below.
This was only the third time the wisp had traveled across the frozen void between home and the small cold place filled with the fragile life, and it considered the trip with worry as it flew. None of the other wisps had ever left their comfortable home to cross the empty void even once, and the urge would never even occur to them. Long ago, when the first cry of pain had caught the wisp by surprise on a particularly high flight, it had been curious, and reached to see what had called out. It did not expect to be captured, held in bonds stronger than the magnetic lines of force it danced across, and had been stunned to find its captor was another creature, different than itself. There had been so much pain in the times since then, but it had seen marvelous things beyond the experience of any of its kind. The other wisps were fascinated by the stories it shared of wild beasts, thinking cold creatures, and knowledge placed on material objects that would burst into flame at the slightest touch. It seemed strange beyond thought that something so fragile was used to tell the stories the strange creatures passed on from one to another, but it had watched the striped one read to Flower for hours from the flammable pages, and had been entranced by the events they told.
The cold place grew near, and the wisp slowed its flight in thought. The ‘buks’ were not the only thing that would burst into flames at its touch. Descending from the sky in its normal form would hurt the cold creatures, but it had seen other cold creatures who could fly, so it compressed its form, drawing away the heat of its home to form cold flesh and feathers as it fell through the air. There were so many choices to make in choosing the form of a cold creatures, but it picked one that had seemed like its own thoughts, compressing a warm spark inside to protect itself from the frigid environment.
A second problem was not so easily solved. Tia.
It drifted down on the same path it had taken many cycles ago, looking at the cold stones and plants that made up the city stuck to the side of the mountain. There was something familiar over there, and it curved its wings to descend closer until it landed on top of a large tower, seeming more bulky and thick than what it remembered. Flower had torn the stones apart in her pain, but these cold creatures had rebuilt it, thicker and stronger than before. The concept of building something was still new to the wisp, but to improve it afterwards was fascinating. It drifted across the city on the rise of warm evening air, turning in huge curves to take in the entire sight. The place was covered with the intelligent creatures, all communicating and respirating and even consuming subsistence, but none of them were Tia.
It was drawn to a golden tower adorned with symbols that were supposed to represent the sun, although the carved symbols were as cold and lifeless as the rest of the stones. If Tia was in the city, she would be here, high above the cold creatures where the sun could properly caress her. The wisp in pony form glided lower, finally putting its ‘hooves’ on the ground as it approached the entrance to the golden tower.
And the wisp promptly fell on its face.
* * *
The two Royal Guards standing at the southern postern gate of the castle remained in their immobile stance, but talked out of the corners of their mouth to each other with the skill only seen in older guards or ventriloquists.
“Well, that’s something you don’t see every day.”
“What, Rainbow Dash doing a faceplant at the castle? According to the newspapers, she’s single, you know.”
The sky-blue pony in question struggled on the ground for a few moments, her legs and wings stuck out in different directions. Finally, with a look of extreme concentration, she placed her hooves down on the stone one at a time, rising up to a wobbly standing position to look at the portal into the ‘castle’ and the two cold creatures guarding it.
“I don’t think that’s Rainbow Dash, unless she somehow gained flaming eyes since the newspaper photo.”
“Really?” The second guard concentrated on his horn, blinking twice before taking a step to one side and opening the door with his magic. “Stand back, featherbrain. It’s a Category 17.”
“Oh, of course.” The first guard stepped back and watched the progress of the wobbling pegasus as she left a trail of molten hoofprints up the stairs and in through the door. Once the wave of baking heat had died down, the first guard reached inside his armor and brought out a small book, hoofing through it with a mumbled, “Seventeen, seventeen…”
“It’s after sixteen,” prompted his partner. “Did you happen to notice the Royal Accoutrements sitting on her, well, its back?”
“Naah, I was watching her wings. Really nice set of primaries. Wouldn’t mind preening those bad—” The guard’s hoof fell on the entry for Category 17 in the Abbreviated Equestrian Royal Guard Manual of Codes and Signals and traced down as he read. “Extradimensional or extraplanar elemental creature of infinite power in disguise. May be bearing gifts. Observe at distance and treat with respect. Huh. Do you have any idea what subcategory she is? Since you’re the senior guard, you get to fill out the paperwork.”
The second guard produced a whistle and blew a short series of tweets into it before turning back to his partner. “I think you misread that section. I’m responsible for making sure the paperwork is filled out. And I can delegate that responsibility.”
~~*~~
That last line if the teaser, priceless.