Mutual Grooming Is Revolutionizing Equestria! · 4:11pm Mar 1st, 2014
The corporate thugs of Big Hygiene may have all the money, and they may have a powerful lobby in the Cosmic Council, but more and more ponies are waking up to the dangers and unwholesomeness of chemical-laden "hygiene" products that lead to skin conditions and broken friendships. Remember, ponies:
Mutual Grooming™ is the way forward, by working backwards.
Sometimes, the money-grubbers of Big Hygiene do our work for us. We expect that, with advertisements like these, strings of new ponies will be signing up for our Mutual Grooming™ classes and seminars:
Aside from this ad's demeaning content and condescending tone, note how the overpaid celebrity spokestallion practically admits how disgusting this product is: they have to cover up its harsh chemical smell with apple-scented perfume, which is yet another harsh chemical.
Note, too, just how unnatural this is. A stallion is supposed to smell like apples? Like spice? Ridiculous! The way of Mutual Grooming™ can show you what a stallion is really supposed to smell like!
In other news, don't forget to participate in our Occupy Dial Soap™ campaign. Recently, an upper-level money-grubbing boss of Big Hygiene working for Dial commented to PNN, "These Groomers are filthy. I mean, they smell really bad." Angry, hate-filled comments like that are showing the world what the corporate atmosphere of Big Hygiene is really like! Ha!
Also, there's been some bad press about our Mutually Grooming™ Occupiers defecating in public. To that, we can only reply, of course they defecate in public! We're ponies! That's natural!
If defecating in public is natural then why did Celestia give us bathrooms? Huh? Answer that, hippy!
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Outhouses, like other creations of Big Hygiene, are unnatural and, ironically, unhygienic.
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Princess Celestia is, sadly, yet another tool in the pocket of Big Hygiene. Irrefutable rumor has it she's getting kickbacks from Lever 2000.
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Yes, yes. Everything is a conspiracy. Let us all don our tinfoil hats.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to smell like a dustbin.
Hygienists are TERRIFIED* of this new, revolutionary technique that's changing Equestria! Click here to learn more!
* (Literally! They have been overheard saying: "I only fear changelings, eternal imprisonment in Tartarus, and Mutual Grooming!")
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Learn this one simple trick for a happier, healthier you. Discovered by a dam!
I suppose it's more the context of the comment that's got your dander up rather than the content. After all, you were espousing that same scent a paragraph before.
Also, natural isn't necessarily good. After all, ponies naturally die of easily curable diseases.
Dude, I think you're taking this mutual grooming too far. It's one thing to prefer one hygiene method over another, it's another thing entirely to go on a political tirade against chemicals that, so far, do not appear to have any discernible side effects.
1883783 Dustbins are frickin' rad though. They're all dusty and stuff and remind you of the motherland.