Site Post » Reviews! Round 37 · 4:59am Feb 16th, 2014
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good fics with low views. You can find us here.
It had been two and a half years since the outbreak. They called it the Editorial Campaign—an effort to corral and improve the unchecked masses of fics that swarmed the countryside. Hundreds of groups dedicated to technical excellence fell within months.
Those that survived were scattered and disorganized. Few were able to carry on the flame. But those that were held strong, and in them rested the hope of a better tomorrow, of a world where good fics prospered and all was in harmony.
This was the dream of Seattle’s Angels. And none held it closer to their heart than Corejo.
He stared at the weathered reviewing rifle in his hands, the dirt and grime that came with months spent in FimFiction’s Browse feature. It held a charm of security, one that only traversing the darkest depths of the fandom’s literature could foster.
Distant review-fire peppered the air like shouts of frustration. He had become familiar with the sound; often he tried imagining it as a lullaby on the cold winter nights. If only he could try harder.
He looked up from his rifle to his partner crouched at the edge of the foxhole, gazing out into the nighttime fog. His face was out of sight, but Corejo knew the look he wore, the cold steel in his eyes. What horrors he had seen and must have been weighing on his mind. Corejo had heard the stories. If he would have been in his shoes he would have sold his soul to never live them.
“Major Alex?”
The major made no movement but to stroke his five-o'clock shadow. “It’s quiet.”
More gunfire, closer.
“That couldnt’ve been more than a mile off,” Corejo said. “I’d hardly call that quiet.”
“No… quiet here.” He nodded ahead, toward the fog.
Corejo crawled over to the major and rose to a squatting position beside him. All he could see were nearby foxholes and blasted treetrunks. “It’s quiet because there’s nothing out there. We should get moving. Second platoon could use us to the north.”
“No.” Alex ran his hands along the edge of the foxhole, gathering up a layer of dirt he then rubbed between his hands—a battle ritual from his years in the Grammarian War, Corejo had heard.
“Sir, there’s nothing out there. Why are we here?”
“We’re at war, kid,” Alex said as if such a life should be accepted simply for what it was.
“I know, but why are we here? In this specific spot, in this specific foxhole.”
Alex still refused to take his gaze from the fog. “Orders from above.”
Corejo snapped him a quizzical look. “What orders? The Angels didn’t—” he scowled “—Trixie...”
“That’s Colonel Trixie to you.”
“Yeah, okay. So what, we’re supposed to sit here and twiddle our thumbs because Trixie said so?”
A lone private message sang through the air, just above their heads. Both soldiers ducked as a volley of downvotes dotted a line just in front of their entrenchment. They peeked up over the edge.
“Okay… now there’s some out there,” Corejo said.
“You don’t say, kid.”
Alex’s sense of irony reminded Corejo of a sock-collecting friend of his he had made back in basic. It was a Reviewer’s reflex, he had come to understand. He never really appreciated it, but had quickly learned to set such things aside, knowing that his current situation required action, not reaction. He dove for his rifle and was back to the rim of the foxhole before a second round of downvotes sprayed him with warm dirt.
“We’re not just here because Trixie said so, kid,” Alex said, rifle at the ready. “We’re retrieving a paradrop from Wanderer D. We’re to radio it in to Base before regrouping with Second Platoon.”
“When’s that gonna be?”
“Sit tight, kid, and we’ll find out.”
Wait for some package while under enemy fire. Fun.
Corejo shook his head to clear away the negativity. Focus was his only salvation now.
He aimed down his sights, felt the sturdy barrel in his hand, finger ready to squeeze the trigger at the first misshapen figure brave enough to emerge from the fog. His breathing was unsteady, and the barrel quickly became slick with sweat.
Movement to the left. A single shot split the air, and the figure dropped.
Corejo’s ear rang. He dug it out with his pinkie and gawked at how quickly Alex had taken it down.
“Grammar trainwreck,” Alex said. “Slow pacing too from how it was limping.”
Corejo took a moment to admire his extensive knowledge of the enemy. He hoped in the back of his mind that he would never have the opportunity to become as good.
“That ain’t the last of ‘em,” Alex said. The two hunkered down, reviewing rifles ready.
Shouts of excitement and glee rang out from beyond the fog.
“THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! WHEN’S THE NEXT CHAPTER!?!?!”
“SIX STACHES OUT OF FIVE!!!”
“FIRST!”
Corejo shot a nervous glance at Alex, who looked grim.
“Comments,” he said.
The answer was far from what Corejo had hoped. His mouth felt suddenly dry, and he gripped his rifle tighter.
They came from the mist. Hundreds of stories shambled forward, shouting and groaning in a language born from the darkest depths of literary ignorance. Corejo felt the barrel of his rifle rattling in his hands long before realizing it was he that was shaking uncontrollably. “There’s… there’s too many of them!”
“Kid.” Alex was lighting a cigar with his mudflap-girl lighter. He took a long pull—the glow illuminating the cold steel of his eyes—and blew the smoke into the air. “Shut up and start shooting.”
The next moments were a blur. Shots rang out. The thump of downvotes and hugboxes embedding themselves into the rim of the foxhole played like a drum in his heart, and their wizz above like the screams of banshees out to drag him away to the nether realm of reviewer burn-out.
The poorly-written stories closed in. Corejo heard the buzz of a plane engine and glanced up at the parachute descending toward them, but as the seconds passed in ringing deafness he came to see that there was no hope.
Something clubbed him upside the head. The next thing he knew was the earth against his face and a warmth running down the side of his head, trickling into his eye. Slowly he turned over and saw the grotesque, overflowing purple prose—demoniac in mein, slavering of teeth—staring back at him, eyes violet like the setting sun. It raised an appendage in the likeness of a colossal weapon of unrivalled avarice, hellbent on his utter demise. Corejo could already feel the crushing weight of its verbiage and accepted his fate.
Alex punched it in the face.
Reality snapped to like a rubber band, and Corejo followed the fist over his shoulder. Alex knelt beside him, stories clinging to his shoulders, sinking their poorly edited teeth into his flesh. He grabbed them and tossed them into the group swarming over the left flank, their little claws tearing away the tattered remains of his shirt to expose a broad and rippled chest.
He pulled two AN/M2 BanHammers from his duffel bag—one in each hand—and slowly rose to his feet. There was a fire in his eyes that glowed brighter than the cigar clenched between his teeth.
“Playtime’s over.”
Carnage was the only term that registered in Corejo’s mind as Alex became a cyclone of death, pushing back the sea of fics with the unadulterated power of 1700 reviews per minute.
The tides had turned. Corejo rose in disbelief, staring at Alex, who had left a river of shells in his wake, one foot stepped up over the rim, sweeping the fictional slaughter downrange.
“Kid,” Alex said over the rat-a-tat of his guns, not bothering to look over his shoulder. “Why don’t you start callin’ in those docs Wanderer D sent us.”
ROUND 37
STORY 1
Height, by PoweredByTea
Up at the top of the sky, where the air is thin and the mares' tails clouds drift, a pegasus can find peace. It’s a place every pegasus should visit, but a place Rainbow knows the earthbound Fluttershy has never been. A tale of adventure down a path paved with the very best of intentions...
I love FlutterDash friendshipping stories. There’s nothing quite like the lasting friendship between two best friends. It’s a great backdrop for any story, whether it be adventure, comedy, or dark. This story falls in a mix of the first and last of those, and I have to say, it hits the right notes at the right times.
The story is 1st person from Rainbow Dash’s perspective. PoweredByTea does an excellent job of creating a believable Rainbow Dash. Her speech patterns shine through in both dialogue and narration, and the few instances regarding fight mechanics are in depth, one of the few if only things that would believably be “advanced” in terms of her personality.
Equally believable is the inciting incident: Rainbow Dash wants Fluttershy to see the upper reaches of the sky, a place very close to her heart. Her methods, however, are rather mean and fall into a moral grey area as things quickly deviate from her innocent intentions. It ultimately plays to the Deus Ex (don’t worry! It’s a mild one!) and, by extent the moral of the story. I personally can forgive it, since it’s a timeless moral that everyone should be reminded of periodically.
And the epilogue is awesome. It’s worth reading the story for the epilogue alone.
It’s early afternoon. The air is warm, the sun is up, and me? I’m flying high.
I’m going to take a massive leap of faith here and assume that most, if not all, of you have read Austraeoh. Assuming you have, what was it about that story that makes it so likeable? For me, the part that made it so appealing was the way it was written. It was at once evocative and engaging. Rainbow Dash feels very much in character, and yet not stale and rehashed. While I’d hesitate Height is on quite the same level, it’s undeniable that it has a certain Austraeoh vibe to it.
...Huh, Rainbow Dash with a ponytail is surprisingly awesome.
The one thing, among many, that I really enjoyed about this story is the way Rainbow is written. The story is written in first person and takes place from her perspective. We see things through her eyes, which makes the whole thing feel so much more personal. It’s clear that PoweredByTea knows what they’re doing. Among other things, Height is really well paced. It’s start off nice and slow, smooth almost, as Rainbow takes a gentle flight through the clouds, describing the sensation of the whole event. It’s the kind of writing I wish I were capable of. But soon, like an eagle going into a dive, the story starts speeding up, and things start to tumble down rapidly. Without spoiling anything, Rainbow makes some bad choices and things quickly spiral out of control.
By the time the story wraps up, however, everything is brought to a satisfying conclusion with some really nice morals at the end. My one complaint is that the ending feels a wee bit, well, not rushed… but perhaps incomplete. Hell, that’s not even the right word. It’s hard to describe, I suppose. I like how and where it ends, but I think I dislike that certain aspects of it were explained in full… which, yeah, sounds like a weird complaint, I know. But, I think, sometimes it’s better to leave stuff to the imagination. I don’t know, I can certainly see how it works as it is, but I can’t help but feel as though I’d like it even more if it were different. In any case, I feel like I’m saying this a lot lately, but this is one of the better fics we’ve reviewed. There’s a lot to like about it, and it’s very well-written. So yeah… go read it. I did twice.
STORY 2
Swine Flew, by Blue Print
Porkmetheus is an exceptional pig, and Ponyville's most energetic porcine resident. After an accident sparks his tiny imagination, he wonders if, maybe, he too could fly!
The next few days were preternaturally perturbing for the Ponyville pegasus population as the pig peered ponderously at their preening and preflight preparations.
What? I mean, seriously. What? I don’t know what I just read. This was the silliest thing I have seen in a long while. And that’s saying something.
So there’s a pig, Porkmetheus (I love that name, by the way) that wants to fly. He tries to figure out how he can make that possible. That’s the story in a nutshell. It’s a fun idea befitting of the random tag (which kind of disappoints me due to the fact that this story is tagged Comedy SoL). This reads as more of a random story to me, as the true idea of the Random tag is “something ridiculous that is taken seriously by the characters of the story.” Despite this, I did thoroughly enjoy the originality of the piece. It was a fresh read.
I do have to complain that it felt very stunted. There was little meat on this story’s bones, and scenes were very short. They didn’t give much opportunity for the seriousness of Porkmetheus’ goal (and by contrast, the absolute ridiculousness of it) to really settle in. This story would have been gold if it were only, say, twice its wordcount (which isn’t much to ask for at 1.8k).
Don’t let this deter you from reading. It’s worth the five to ten minutes, if only to stimulate one’s own imagination juices.
He spent the remainder of the day in the muddy riverbank, wallowing in mud and his own intelligence, but mostly mud.
Y’know, it’s not often I come across a ponyfic that gives me weird Animal Farm vibes and doesn’t send me into a spiralling depression. It’s hard to say, really, what aspect of Blue Print’s Swine Flew makes me think of Animal Farm. On the one hand, it’s an incredibly charming and light-hearted tale of a somewhat dull pig who decides one day that he wants to fly. On the other hand, it is about a pig, and so that automatically makes me think of Animal Farm. Damn you, George Orwell… ruining pigs for me.
In this scene from Animal Farm, the spider is Vladimir Putin.
Now, you may be wondering what it is about this fic that I found so charming. Well, my little village people, let me tell you a tale. Porkmetheus, an enterprising and adventurous pig with an incredibly cool name, witnesses the short, but fruitful, flight of an unfortunate golden apple that falls to the ground. The idea strikes him that, if he was willing to try hard enough, perhaps he could fly too. What follows is his adventure as he attempts to unlock the secrets of flying through observation and pure determination. I won’t spoil how this little escapade ends, but suffice it to say, it’s unbelievably adorable.
I won’t lie to you, Neo, it’s not often that I come across a ponyfic that I truly enjoy. I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense, mind. I just don’t often find a story that really warms my heart. See, I’ve read many many fics in my time, and many just for this group, and I can wholeheartedly say I liked all of them (minus one or two), but only rarely do I come across a fic that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. At any rate, I’ve rambled for too long here. Just know that this is easily one of my favorite fics that we’ve reviewed so far, taking its place alongside Pip, Switchaloo, and Roots. Before I leave, though, I want to leave you with one last taste of the indescribable cuteness of this fic.
Gleefully, he charged into the yard, scooping up chickens and sticking them to his back. One, two, two, two, one, two, one, one, two! He had lost count several times, but he was pretty sure he had two chickens on his back. Maybe even twos of twos!
The princess of the night leads you to her royal bedchambers at the top of her high tower. Therein she shows you the night sky in its entirety and presents the heavens’ great mystery in her beautiful night.
Come, share an intimate moment with the Night Princess.
>”Come share an intimate moment with the Night Princess”
>rated Everyone
>wellokaythen
First, I have to preface this review with the fact that I normally dislike 2nd person stories. I find their formatting and general “this is what you’re thinking because I, the narrator, said so” off-putting, so I stay away from them. To counter that, I have to say that I was the one who selected this story.
Yes, Mystery is still a 2nd person story with the same pitfalls of what I dislike about the perspective, but I was able to enjoy it for the idea it evoked, rather than the narrative. (And the fact that it’s a 2nd person non-sex story goes so against the grain of the feature box that I had to give it a try.)
What are stars? They are little twinkling things in the nighttime sky. They are sources of light and heat. They are massive, burning infernos of unimaginable power. This story gives these senses of scale at all the right moments and doesn’t disappoint. It does get rather purple toward the end, but that can be overlooked in light of the idea the story is getting at.
I don’t want to spoil any more than I already have. It’s a short read, so there’s no reason not to pop this one open in another tab and get crackin’.
“If,” she continues, “they came into being without cause, then they would be meaningless, but if they were created, would it not seem that they had some reason for existing?”
Let’s get one thing out of the way right now. This story is in second person, and it’s about Luna and an OC (as far as I can tell). Now, I’ll be the first person to say, “You serious, bro? I ain’t readin’ that shit.” And I’ll be honest, when Core first passed this fic across my desk, I was ready to reject it outright, but, he assured me, “it’s good”. So, I trusted him and gave it a look. Core, I just want to say this to you before I continue this review: You made me read a second person fic about Luna… you are a monster, but goddammit… you were right. It’s pretty good.
Back in the beforetimes, I used to think Luna was the best princess… now I realize she’s the worst.
All right, so what’s this story about, you ask? Well, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure. I mean, it’s ostensibly about Luna showing some pony the night sky, and all the stars and shit, which is fine, but that’s not the extent of the story. See, once the second half of the fic rolls around, it starts to get much more philosophical. That quote that I pulled was from the second half, if that’s any indication. Part of me really likes when stories get deep, and another part of me is concerned. I find that often people attempt to wax philosophical, but end up falling on their faces, tripping on their own metaphysical shoelaces. However, to their credit, Ponysopher—as his name would suggest—actually manages this pretty well. Ponysopher presents interesting questions in The Mystery of Her Beautiful Night, but unfortunately… doesn’t provide any answers.
I suppose you could say that’s a positive, that it allows you to answer these things for yourself, but for my money… I felt the ending of the story to be a bit lacking. It has this really great buildup to leads into some genuinely thoughtful and poignant moments, but then it just peters out without really going anywhere, and it’s a little disappointing. However, all that being said, don’t let that discourage you from reading this story. It’s a second person fic, and it’s actually done well. I mean, that point alone should make you want to read it. But, if for some reason, you need something else to encourage you… well, just know that this is Luna fic that I didn’t hate. If you know anything about me, that’s saying a lot.
When the peace of the idyllic world of Cloudsdale is interrupted by rising crime, and a lonely office worker's best friend is mugged in the street, he finally decides that enough is enough. With nothing but his wits, a suitcase with personal effects, and years of experience in the accounting department of a large investment firm, he launches himself headfirst into the stupidest possible thing he could do - quitting his job, and waging war on the underworld.
Yeah. This is gonna work out just fine.
This story. Oh, man, this story!
I have to first say that this one reminded me of Kickass when I first started reading—some nobody, the last person/pony you’d ever expect, deciding to up and take on the criminal underworld because he can. I went into it expecting that sort of thing. And I have to say it kept that vibe through the beginning chapters, which was what really kept me going.
KitsuneRisu’s writing style only adds to how easy on the eyes this story is. There isn’t a dull sentence or bland description to be found. Every bit has something unique to add to the story and immerse the reader. I frequently found myself reading paragraph after paragraph, forgetting I was sitting in my room until some shout or other such noise befitting of college dorm life reminded me where I was. Kitsune’s skill at writing characters (especially his OCs) is beyond a vast majority of authors on this site. They’re believable, and the quirks that some of them possess (Egg’s boss’ giant, bushy moustache comes to mind) are both relatable and endearing in their own special way.
I haven’t finished reading this story yet, as the time I can devote to ponies has dwindled significantly this semester. But regardless, I know I will definitely be making time to get through this one. Hands down, it’s a top favorite already.
"Dash, you're… romancing the clouds. You're making Cloudsdale out to be something that it isn't.”
Goddammit… I’m pissed. I hate stories like this. I hate them because they make me angry that they’re not more popular. Reading this story, watching the plot unfold and the characters develop, I can’t help but be impressed by the level of quality on display here. But you know what? It’s not popular, and I’d be surprised if anyone had read it before. Hell, I hadn’t heard of it before Core suggested it to me. I’m really glad he did though. This was a fantastic, all-OC, classic adventure fic featuring some really great characters and cool set pieces. Did I ever mention that I love Cloudsdale? I really do. It’s such an interesting city, and with a lot of facets to explore… but nobody does. Cloudsale leaves so much available to those who write fanfics, but rarely anyone takes advantage of that. Romancing the Clouds does, and by god does it do that well.
Maybe if Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner were ponies, Romancing the Stone wouldn’t have been so disappointingly dull.
So anyways, what exactly is Romancing the Clouds about? Well, in a nutshell, it’s a classic everyday hero story. It’s about an accountant who becomes a hero because he feels he has to, that there’s no one else stepping up, so someone has to. As I said in the first bit of this review, this is one of those OC fics that really gives the genre a good name. It sucks that it’s not more well-known, and it sucks that there’s not more like it. OC fics get a bad rap, and for a pretty good reason. Most of them, like most of everything, are crap. People remember the red and black alicorns with striped backs, bat wings, and forked tongues. They don’t remember the accountant who says very little and looks entirely unremarkable, but goddammit… they should. Those are the OCs that people should care about. Those are the OCs that are relatable and make for good heroes. It’s those OCs that I point to when people complain to me that “all OC fics are terrible.” So, Kitsune Risu, I say this to you.
Keep doing what you’re doing, dude. It’s people like you that write the stories that make me not want to lose all hope in this fandom. It’s stories like Romancing the Clouds that make me get excited about this kind of stuff again. It’s characters like Eggbeater that make me glad there’s still people out there writing good OCs. I regretfully admit that I haven’t finished this story yet, but I plan on it. I simply didn’t have time to from when Core gave it to me earlier this week when one of the other fics we had picked fell through. But just from what I have read, I can say without reservation that this is a fic worth your time. It’s a little over 100k, but it is finished, so you’ll at least not have to worry about it being dropped in the future.
And suddenly, silence.
Corejo looked up from the last page in the folder in his hands. Alex stood atop the foxhole, staring out into the vanishing mist, guns finally at a rest. He raised their barrels into the air. They glowed red and rang of their victory over the forces of poorly written fiction.
Corejo closed the folder, turned off the radio, and slung his reviewer rifle before rising to join Alex. “Wow” was his first reaction at the sight of the battlefield. “That’s gotta be at least fifty pages of compact view.”
“Hmm,” Alex said. “Not a good one among ‘em.”
Something stirred nearby. A fic—a short, self-insert romance, far too summarized and telly—struggled to crawl away. Alex strode toward it.
It looked up at him and in a weak voice said: “This is my first story ever. Please be gentle…”
It just so happened that Alex had named the sole of his boot ‘Gentle’ for such occasions.
He returned, lighting another cigar. “Job’s done. Ready t’get movin, kid?” He gathered his share of supplies from the foxhole.
Corejo nodded. Anywhere was better than here. “Should I radio in our movement in case we get there first?”
“Nah, rally point’s the same. They know where to find us.” He started north at a quick march.
Corejo smiled, admiring his casual nature. He was glad there was someone he could rely on, a hero watching his back in these dark times. For the first time in a long time, he felt hopeful. They would get through it together and find the good stories that were out there, lost and unloved. They would triumph. It was only a matter of time.
>[/iimg]
Good job, me... you dolt.
1839995
That was your review, alex. You had one job.
1839995
This is why you never win CAH.
Wow, how infrequently is Corejo in a review round that he's the one who doesn't know what he's getting himself into and Alex is the war-hardened reviewer? Or am I completely missing the point that Alex clearly wrote this intro/outro?
How appropriate.
Nope. Core wrote it.
1840051
That moment when you realize you forgot to hit the reply button.
1840059
I just can't stop fucking up...
Congrats, Tea. Your story was a fine read. I'm glad it got on here.
Half of the reason I read these things is for the intro/outro.
1840121
I hope we haven't disappointed this round.
1840135
3.bp.blogspot.com/-e2rbA-L7_jk/T2pyyJXGCwI/AAAAAAAACLo/3pbWHdOTEHw/s400/YeshThisPleasesMehYouShallBeSpared.jpg
The intros to these are always a fine read.
1840135
This was SA's finest intro/outro in recent memory, as far as I'm concerned.
And when you're getting compliments from both horizons, I think you've done pretty well for yourself.
The guy isn't kidding, people. Read Romancing the Clouds. It's good.
That intro/out to could almost be a story all of its own, even if not a pony fix. Well done on the reviews themselves as well.
1839995
Actually, I haven't read Austraeoh. Did read Heights though.
Romancing the Clouds isn't over yet.
It is, however, very, very awesome and you should read it right the hay now.
These review openings actually feel like stories in themselves... Are there that many poorly written fics out there?
Huh. Why does Alex hate Luna so much?
Absolutely agree with Romancing the clouds. If there it an upper echelon of fics on this site, that is near the top rung. Reading it is recommended by me as well, and I say that in very few situations.
Pardon my ignorance, but what falls under a 'low view' story?
And do you guys just stumble across them when surfing the site or do you look under certain genres?
1841174
Less than ~1000 views. Browse Feature/Recommendations.
1840848
Oh Celestia are there. I stick pretty much exclusively to authors I already like[1], people they recommend, and the occasional insightful commenter on one of their stories, and on the rare occasions when I step outside that zone, I find endless piles of unmitigated crap. Try reading from the "new" box instead of featured (or your favorites list or newsfeed) sometime and see how far you get. Or try a sub-community like 5s/4, where something like two-thirds of the material is written by people with a good story to tell but no idea how to tell it.
[1] My experience on this site started with Friendship is Optimal, so the process began with Iceman and some of the spinoff writers, mostly whom are really good, and expanded outwards from there.
1845202 A good way to mitigate low effort/given up stories is to always set the low min. word count to ~50K to ~200K words.