• Member Since 4th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen January 24th

AdmiralTigerclaw


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  • 281 weeks
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    27 comments · 1,769 views
  • 312 weeks
    Teaser/Preview: MLBB II: 'Race The Sunset'

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  • 317 weeks
    She's coming back...

    I haven't worked on this story in... Six years?
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    19 comments · 1,832 views
  • 345 weeks
    Just a random story prompt...

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    4 comments · 1,001 views
  • 384 weeks
    Instant full body flush, just add vitamins...

    Tagging FtFoNR because medical shenanigans...

    So, interesting experience today. I'd like to think I know how to handle dealing with vitamins and supplements. I do my research, I check safe doses, antagonists, read warnings.

    But sometimes, something just slips through in a moment of complacency.

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    23 comments · 1,354 views
Jan
31st
2014

CiG: Draft sneak peak... · 5:13pm Jan 31st, 2014

I'm still in the early drafting phase for the prologue, but I figured you guys might like a sneak peak into some of the actual writing.

Just to let you know, the characters 'Lady Stonewall' and 'Crystal Clear' are recycles from a role play I was trying to run last year 'round this time. Unfortunately, school killed my free time and the RP died as a casualty of Gnawlej. However, I didn't want to just dump six perfectly good characters. So you'll probably seeing five of them show up over time in story work.

In this case, you'll see Lady Nora Cob Stonewall, and Crystal Clear.

Lady Stonewall is the director of Canterlot City Services. Essentially, her department handles power, water, roads, sewage, garbage, etc... Despite being an earth pony, nobles don't screw with her. Because they like their trash being picked up weekly. She's quite stubborn and can be rough around the edges, but otherwise is well mannered and behaved. Think Mayor Mare with a dash of Applejack and sprinkling of Rarity.

Crystal Clear is the daughter of Jet Set and Upper Crust. Her character is actually shaped by a distaste for the way her parents behave. She is treated like prize trophy by her parents, paraded around to show off the school she's in (Celestia's School for gifted unicorns), how well mannered/cultured she is, and any other method you can think of that the brown-nosing duo would effectively treat their daughter like a living status symbol. She finds it annoying, and prefers trying to earn her name on her own merit. Crystal has the special talent of being able to copy the Royal Canterlot Voice projection, and thinks Princess Luna is 'cool'. She's somewhere between Richie Rich, and Gossalyn Mallard in personality. A nice rich girl with a bit of a snarky and rebellious streak in her. Her best friend isn't in this draft, but she's also a good acquaintance with Nora, and has made several good impressions on Fancy Pants.

These two are essentially the prologue's audience viewpoint.

Stormcrow, mentioned in name in passing only, is one of the other recycle characters. She's an average range Wonderbolt squad member. Essentially the Elite Mook category of character. Her specialty is trick flying and the ability to wear thunderclouds on her forehooves like socks, and arc electricity between them until they launch lightning bolts. Effectively the only Pegasus with a 'missile launcher'.

These characters were part of an NPC set I developed for the RP, which was starting with the Canterlot invasion. In said invasion, the NPCs were a pocket of resistance acting to shield the player characters, and were highly effective, but doomed to being overwhelmed by sheer numbers before the Shining/Cadance shield blast. This event is referenced and its lore kept, as it doesn't interfere with the story itself. It is character backstory.


We will not be starting at the very beginning of the prologue, but you'll get a bit of a taste for things. Plus, an early idea of how "Reformed Chrysalis" is still very identifiably Chrysalis. For understanding purposes, you must also be informed that the Prologue is the Epilogue, and the story itself will end up being told in flashback format. Thus, the prologue is notably in third person limited perspective.


“I think that one was in the invasion,” she commented idly.

“They were ALL in the invasion,” Stonewall replied. “They move as a group after all.”

“Yeah,” Crystal continued. “But I think that was one of the ones attacking us.”

Lady Stonewall stopped, giving Crystal a glance.

“What makes you say that?” she asked.

“He ducked when I shouted at you,” the unicorn replied. “Nopony ducks like that unless they've heard me before.”

“I suppose it's possible,” the administrator replied. “There were hundreds attacking us in Canterlot. Between your voice projection and Stormcrow's lightning bolts, we handled far more drones than most of the guard itself.”

“Warriors, not drones.”

Both mares jumped at the larger, heavily modulated tone that seemed to come from above them. There on the next flight of stairs going back the other way was another changeling. This one larger than the previous, and sporting a pair of sunglasses on its face. After a moment, the two remembered what the previous changeling had said and recognized this one was female.

“I-I beg your pardon?” Lady stonewall managed to stutter.

“Warriors,” the changeling female stated curtly. “Drones don't fight if they can help it. Not to mention they're rather scarce. You must be Lady Stonewall of Canterlot.”

The city administrator blinked in silence. The changeling above her just continued to stare for a moment before finally opening her mouth again.

“Well?” she asked. Lady Stonewall suddenly realized she was being rather rude and promptly faked a cough before speaking.

“I'm sorry,” she began after a moment. “I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. You are?”

The changeling female leaned back a bit, using a hoof to push her sunglasses away from her eyes, revealing a pair of lime green pupils instead of the crystal blue glaze that was so common.

“Really?” she asked. “I'm two sizes larger than every other changeling, know who you are, and have pheromone glands on my head that look like a crown. Did Celestia even bother to describe me?”

Lady Stonewall's face contorted in embarrassment as it suddenly clicked into place. However, before she could speak, Crystal Clear beat her to the punch.

“Wait! YOU'RE Queen Chrysalis!?” the unicorn pointed. Instantly, the changeling smirked, leaning against the rail to look down on them. After a moment, Crystal frowned.

“You look better than I imagined.”

“Crystal!” Lady Stonewall shot the unicorn a scandalous look and failed to notice the changeling queen giggling. “That's not how you speak to royalty!”

Without missing a beat, Lady Stonewall immediately spun back to face the queen smirking above them and made several stuttering attempts to apologize before that smirk fell off to a look of annoyance.

“Save it,” Chrysalis snapped after a moment before closing her eyes with a sigh. “I used to love watching ponies grovel, but these days all it does is waste my time. Pick your dignity up off the ground before you get it dirty and come on up here. And don't dawdle.”

And with that, the queen spun away from the rail and trotted away, leaving Lady Stonewall to collect her wits while Crystal looked on with a wry smirk.

“Wow,” the younger mare commented once she was certain the changeling was out of ear-shot. “She's worse than you are.”

The administrator shot Crystal a look of pure venom before snorting and moving on. A quick trot up the remaining stairs and they were on the terrace. Immediately they recognized Fancy Pants and his wife Fleur chatting amiably with Chrysalis around an open pit fire. The changeling queen looked to be levitating a pair of wine bottles in front of her, a look of confusion barely hidden behind her sunglasses.

“Try the Chardonneigh,” Fancy stated. “That one's from Vanhoover, and goes well with tomatos.”

Chrysalis regarded Fancy Pants for a moment with an indiscernible look before glancing at one of the bottles. Discarding the other, she quickly set about levitating a corkscrew. In the mean time, Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle and turned an appraising eye to the newcomers joining him on the terrace. Immediately his face broke out in a delightful little grin.

“Ah, Miss Stonewall, Miss Clear,” he greeted the two mares walking up to him with a thick Trottingham accent. “So nice to see you again. I trust the trip out here was relaxing?”

“Fancy,” Lady Stonewall nodded with a far less rehearsed smile than she'd been using as of late. “The airship ride was lovely. As expected of somepony with your tastes. Thank you.”

“Jolly good,” Fancy nodded. “And of course, you've already met our host, the changeling queen, Chrysalis.”

Said queen glanced up from her attention to the bottle, and jumped slightly when the cork, screw and all, popped off and right past her face.

“Fore!” she called to seemingly nopony in particular. A moment later, the distant sound of breaking glass could be heard. All ponies present stared for a moment before Lady Stonewall turned back to Fancy with a slight look of chagrin.

“Yes...” Fancy matched the look through his monocle. “Not exactly beaming with charisma, I daresay. But I assure you that she more than makes up for it with purpose and dedication.”

“Not to mention she's a wonderful singer,” Fleur chimed in. “A little stubborn, but she cleans up nicely when she wants to.”

“Indeed,” Fancy agreed with his wife. Then he turned to Chrysalis as she started levitating wine glasses over.

“Your Highness,” he addressed the queen. “A few proper introductions...”

And then he nodded his head to Lady Stonewall.

“Lady Nora C. Stonewall,” he announced in full. “Chair holder on the Canterlot city council and director of the department of city services.”

“Ah, so you're the director of city services,” Chrysalis gazed over her sunglasses for a moment as the mare nodded silently. Almost immediately a glass of wine was all but shoved in her face.

“My apologies for earlier,” Chrysalis' voice resonated from beyond the offered drink. “Fancy hadn't mentioned a name with the title until now. So I thought the whole 'lady' in your name was just more pretentious buffoonery these moronic 'nobles' keep slinging about.”

The changeling queen ended the sentence with a loud snort.

“Of course, not recognizing a changeling queen doesn't help,” she muttered.

“Yes quite,” Fancy Pants' tone dismissed the topic without argument.

Report AdmiralTigerclaw · 544 views ·
Comments ( 8 )

You keep whetting our appetites, and I love it. :heart:

This is intriguing!

Fancy Pants' cutie mark should be an ice cube, because he is the chillest bro in all of Canterlot.

...
i.imgur.com/ocGSs.png

Seriously, that's all I got.

All right, you have my attention.

Sorry if I'm horribly late to the party, but what does "CiG" stand for?

Has this fic been released yet, and if so, where can I read it?

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