When Grown Mares Cry: A Look at Writing Crying Characters · 2:40am Nov 24th, 2013
So let me let you in on a little secret, of sorts. I suppose I could call it a writing tip, or maybe even just something to keep in mind, but that doesn’t sound near as fun or mysterious. But before I do, let me ask you a question:
Think about the last time you read about a character crying. How did you feel about it?
Note that this isn’t just about My Little Pony fanfiction. It can be any book you’ve read, any movie you’ve seen, so long as the character has actually cried.
If the answer to that is ‘I didn’t care enough’, or something along the lines of ‘I didn’t feel all that bad about that part’, you should be able to relate enough to this blog post to understand it. In fact, I’d be very surprised if you’ve haven’t not felt for a character who’s in tears.
Now, why is that? Obviously, you’re supposed to feel bad about the character who’s also feeling bad. You’re supposed to cry when they cry, and laugh when they laugh. So why don’t you cry when they do?
The answer to that is amazingly simple: When a character cries, the audience has no reason to.
Think back to the last time you read something where you actually cried. Got it? Good. What was the character you were reading about doing at the time? Were they crying? Probably not. It’s more likely that they were holding back tears, trying not to cry. They may have been letting it out in the form of anger instead, or just letting it build up in the presence of friends while plastering a smile on their face. The saddest scenes in movies work this way, too.
When you outright say that a character is in tears, there’s nothing more to say. They’re crying, and, well… um… hm.
Making your reader feel sad for a character is much like creating a (very) short story with a three act structure:
First, you need to establish what the character is feeling and doing. This is usually the simplest step, as it should flow with the rest of the story and it’s more than likely you’ve already written it for yourself.
Second, you need a rising action. You need to build up emotions, create an internal war, and really get a conflict going. This is where your reader should feel for your character. This part is different for every character. Examine their personality and explore how and what they would do when holding back emotions.
You’re also going to need a climax. This would be about when your character reaches their breaking point and is where you should have them outright cry (if that's the intention, they don't always have to). Keep it short, and to the point, but also think about other ways of expressing this that don’t involve crying.
Finally, you have your falling action, and sometimes resolution. Your character’s probably going to feel a bit better after they’ve let all of that out. You’ve cried before, so you should have a pretty good idea as to what this should feel like. At this point you should be leading into the next part of your story. Introduce a character who helps the one feeling down, have them fall into a comfortable sleep, maybe even make them go and confront who or whatever made them feel that way. It’s up to you, but again, keep this part concise and carry on with the main plot of the story.
Now that I’ve gone over all of that and you’ve had your mind-blowing revelation, how about some real world examples? I’m full of myself and I’ll be using my own fic, “A Solemn Summer Night”, as the first example. I shouldn’t need to say that there’s spoilers ahead, but there are. You’ve been warned.
Keep in mind that there’s an awful lot I would change about this story, involving a re-write and ten thousand more words or so. I don’t like what I have anymore, but it serves its purpose as an example here.
Throughout the first chapter, Rainbow Dash is trying to prove she can be strong without Applejack. She knows that Applejack won’t last the night, yet she resolves to try to enjoy it with her and fulfill a dying pony’s last wish.
If you haven’t read it, go do so and pay attention to how Rainbow holds herself together—just barely—right up until the very last two sentences.
Another example I can point to is Cold in Gardez’ Salvation. Specifically in chapter 13, “The Morning After, part 1” (Warning: Direct chapter link). If you haven’t read the fic, I highly recommend it, but it is extremely sad, so have a box of tissues on hand. The reason I point out chapter 13 specifically is because it takes the above formula and runs with it.
Again, major spoilers ahead:
We can identify the setup as Rainbow waking up and going through the previous night’s events in her head and ends roughly around where Rarity wakes up. Dash knows Rarity did something, the reader knows what she did, and we know it’s going to end badly.
The rising action here constitutes almost the entire rest of the chapter. Dash moves from comforting her friend until she calms down enough, to anger upon the discovery that Rarity invaded her dreams without her permission. She’s been betrayed and lets it out in anger.
When she leaves Rarity’s presence, Rainbow calms down some. Nothing has been resolved and the feelings remain bottled up. Her conversation with Applejack not long after pokes at her until she bursts into anger again, but this time she’s hurt Applejack. Her anger dissipates into what’s really getting to her.
The climax is finally reached in the last few paragraphs where Rainbow cries into Applejack’s shoulder. By this point, the reader has already felt what they’re intended to feel, and this part signifies the end of the conflict of emotions that Rainbow’s dealing with; she only has raw sadness left to express. Note that this doesn’t mean that things are better for her, only that she’s found a temporary release for it. The entire act of crying in this chapter is a single sentence.
The falling action is, again, very short. In this case, it’s four small paragraphs, but it sets up the introduction to the next part of the fic and lets the reader know that things are going to pan out for the better eventually.
Now that I’ve shown you how to properly make your readers cry, go forth and drop thermonuclear feels on your audience.
Since I hear blog posts detailing one's progress is a thing, I suppose I'll tack a bit onto this post. My TwiJack contest fic is sitting at 5651 words and is probably around 1/4 to 1/3 done (sans editing). I've also drafted up a bit of the next chapter of A Bit of a Problem. Once I get a better idea of how long I'll need to finish the TwiJack entry, I should be able to switch gears again.
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And this is why you only use crying as a form of expressing sadness when you know what you're doing. It's basically a story within a story. Even professional authors mess this up an awful lot.
Well-written Krazy. Good tips.
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So this didn't get entirely buried in S4 blog posts.
Glad to see at least one person read it through.
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Glad to see somebody not blogging about season 4
Check mine out if you got some time
Thanks for the tips! ^^
I like the pacing, but I think making your readers cry requires a lot more buildup than a short story. I can't think of crying that came in the "middle" of anything. It was usually at the end of something.
From the FimFics, I can think of a few scenes from Fallout: Equestria that needed dozens of chapters of buildup, particularly one revolving around a message that was never sent.
From reality (or a little closer, at least) Futurama has gut-punched me several times, and managed to cram the buildup in the 30 minute window.
I think crying needs to come out of exhaustion, where a long, incredibly important thing is finally done. The number of emotions at work can be big, like all the things you wanted to say to an Ex on her deathbed, or small, like the sole devotion of a dog at her master's grave. This kind of crying is empathetic, because through writing we become part of that struggle and feel the same relief.
Alternatively, crying characters can be used demonstratively. A hardened mob boss crying over the death of one of his henchmen is enlightening, and gives depth. Him crying over a fly he accidentally smooshed is hilarious. And just crying, only when he's sure absolutely no one else is around, is intriguing.
This is an awesome thing to read and learn from, but I'd recommend ending it with the same old "There are no hard and fast rules on writing."
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I suppose I should clarify that this blog is not necessarily how to make your characters cry, but how to make your audience care that they're crying and potentially cry themselves. If you have the mob boss, let's say, and you tell me he's crying with no buildup, sure, he can do that and it does give insight into the character, but I won't care nearly as much as when I'm put in the shoes of that same boss trying to deal with the loss without him just flat out crying.
The whole point of this post was to say exactly what you just said: "I think crying needs to come out of exhaustion, where a long, incredibly important thing is finally done." That doesn't have to be at the end of a full story, though. It can be in the middle and still work wonderfully.