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22nd
2012
Curse of the Werepony · 5:14am
I'm just writing this as an update, I've done what I feel is a lot of work on Curse of the Werepony and wanted to let you all know that it's up and ready for you with enough new/altered material to fill up a whole other chapter. Anyways, happy reading. With any luck, I can get rid of some of these "thumbs down" I've accumulated.
dlazerous · 26 views
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Comments ( 21 )
Wow, 44 thumbs down? What's the deal, y'all?
Either 44people didn't like my story or there are some flank-hurt Spike X Apple Bloom shippers out there.
Thumbs down??? What the hell?
>>80316
Yup, 44 of them
>>80302 >>80308 >>80316 >>80345 I think I can answer this, since I'm one of the 44.
Let me start by saying that you have the potential for a great read here. Okay, obligatory feel-good compliment out of the way, let's jump into the three biggest issues facing this story: exposition, characterization, and mechanics. I could spend all night listing examples, but for the sake of brevity I'll only give one apiece.
You tell this whole story in four chapters--which is fine, there's nothing wrong with that. However, you forego exposition and characterization for the sake of circumstances: Spike has been turned into a werepony by a very coincidental set of circumstances, and it takes only one conversation to explain this to him (nevermind everypony else) and come to terms with it? No. Just . . . no.
Secondly, let's discuss characterization: In the second chapter, you have BOTH of the Royal Sisters taking time away from their realm to console Spike. Yes, he's an important liaison between them and the Mane 6, but keep in mind they do more than rule Equestria (in and of itself a monumental task)--they keep it going. They are responsible for the policies and well-being of Equestria and the continual existence of the entire planet--remember that they control the sun and moon, and by extension the seasons, the tides, and more. Not even Discord was enough of an issue to warrant an appearance from both of them (the second time around, anyway), so why would they both talk to Spike here?
Lastly, there's the mechanics of the story itself--and by that I mean the sentence construction. This is less of a problem than the above two issues, but still worth mentioning: There are a lot of cases of awkward sentence structure which break the flow of the story.
Final verdict: Slow down, think things through a little more carefully, and ask someone to preread for you. The potential for a solid (if somewhat cliche) story is here, but you Leeroy Jenkins your way through it, to a similar end result. Like I mentioned in the story comments, I think you would benefit from spending time with some of the editors on the Ponychan /fic/ forums.
P.S.: This is NOT a comprehensive review by any stretch, only a very brief overview. I don't have the inclination to offer more than basic advice unless specifically asked.
What?!?!?! How... I.I.....wat? That's not possible! OHOHOH I KNOW
they were practicing reading upside-down and thought it was the thumbs-up button!! Then they thought " buckers are down-voting a great story" THAT HAS TO BE IT!!!!
>>80342
The story is fast paced on purpose
>>80356 Like I said, there's nothing wrong with that. I do believe, however, that it would take more than one conversation to convert everypony to the mindset you're looking for, even if that boils down to something as quick as somepony shaking their head and thinking to themselves holy buck I still can't believe this is happening. Or something along those lines.
well if there are 44 thumbs down, most of em probly just from how much shipping u have going on (and if certain ppl disapprove of a ship they might down vote) also i don't think u should have to change ur fics for the ppl (asides from grammar) just because they disagree with the storyline
aaaand enough new info for a new chapter? does this call for a reread?
>>80308
Haha, I don't even know where people get Spike X Apple Bloom from cause unless there was a scene I missed where Spike gives her a suggestive wink or something, I don't see how you can ship those two.
After the season finale there will be Sweetie x Spike ships to high heaven!
But yay your getting close to posting it here? Awesome! I know I've already read the new stuff but it will be fun to reread them without having to think about sentence structure, content and all that. Reading for fun!
>>80394
The new version is already up. And despite what others have said, I'm leaving the story line the way it is. I'm not changing it anymore. It baffles me why people want to take a fast and simple story and try to make it the next Great American Novel. Sure, If I wanted to I could write a 300pg novel on this story line alone but I don't want to. 55 pages is enough. I may go through it again and try to edit some sentence structure, I can only assume they are referring to my use or non-use of commas. I hate those dang things.
Question is there going to be more i really want more
>>80669
After "Curse of the Werepony" comes "Curse of the Werepony 2" then "Luna the Matchmaker"
What is wrong with those 44 thumbs down?
HATERS!
>>80371 Then i guess we should expect some Spike X Sweetie shouldn't we? xD
Trolls man, trolls.
>>80687 I know silly imane LTMM
An important, sort of, addition/edit has been made to Chapter 4 of Curse of the Werepony, see if you can spot it.
>>80342
I can respect your opinion, sir! I dont feel that way, but then, I do like to ignore mistakes (if any) and instead enjoy the story as-is, so I may not be a great reviewer =P
>>80413 Commas. Blech. Punctuation always drives me up the wall, too. In addition, I agree with your inclination to leave Curse of the Werepony as is--you had a story to tell, and you told it the way you thought it should be told. In spite of the criticisms I've given here, I did find it to be a pretty good read. I actually went back over your other stories after posting last night (I've been on a reading binge while procrastinating on my exams), and I can comfortably say that you've shown steady improvement from your first story.