The single most important blog that I have ever written. · 1:24pm Oct 17th, 2013
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you some very final bad news. You don’t get a ‘too long, didn’t read’ version this time: if you don’t care enough to read it all, kindly excuse yourselves at this time.
As of today, October 17th, 2013, I am twenty-three years old. I am also done writing fanfiction for the community.
The one has nothing to do with the other; the timing is simply uncanny. Hardly any amount of time ago I posted a blog stating that I would be changing my method of writing. Since doing so, I have been contemplating why I made that choice, and what it would mean for my future works, as well as my current ones.
I reached my decision two days ago. I’ve spent two days confirming that it is the right decision with myself. Before I go any further, I will pause here to ask you all to respect this decision, and to not try and sway me on the matter. Regardless of anyone’s feelings, this is most certainly final.
I will not go quietly, of course. As always, I have very, very much to say. More now than I think I have at any other time. I won’t leave you all wondering why, or what comes next: I’m happy to tell you.
Why?
It is not that I am frustrated with the community, or anything of that sort. Nothing has driven me away, so to speak. It is actually quite the opposite: nothing is pulling me in anymore.
I am no longer inspired by the MLP universe, its static characters, or its canon events. After a year-and-a-half of writing for this community, I have exhausted my inspiration and my drive for ponies. I do not believe at any point that my characters were, to me, ponies in the first place. I wrote ‘hooves’ and ‘manes’ and ‘coats’ because it was the form this universe took, and it was the expected output.
Suffice to say, I have grown tired of playing by someone else’s rules, however minor they might seem. I cannot think of any of my characters that could not just have easily been human and likely have been better for it. I have always thoughts of them as such in the first place.
The novelty of the challenge has worn off. I no longer find trying to overcome the limitations of fanfiction to be intriguing. I find it tedious. I no longer find the universe’s characters to be entertaining. I find them to be inflexible, and that people have too many expectations of them.
I am not leaving because someone made me. No one said something hurtful about my works and pissed me off, or anything equally petty. It also has nothing to do with the fact that users seem to read less and less of what I make. I was a solo-writer before all of this, and so a drop in popularity would be an incredibly laughable cause to leave.
No, I am simply leaving because I feel there is nothing left here that I wish to do.
When?
Effective immediately. Despite my previous blog, I reserve the right to change my mind. My stories in progress will not be finished. They will be left up and marked cancelled, unlike my previous stories which were removed entirely. I apologize to anyone who looked forward to the next installments of these stories, but as I said earlier, this decision is final. All other planned stories are likewise cancelled, obviously.
I will no longer make contributions of my writing here on FimFiction. I will, of course, still have my account and keep in touch with anyone who wants to use this as their means to contact me. I don’t plan to vanish from the community, I just plan to cease using it for inspiration. Still like the show, still a brony, but it is back to being a cartoon and the community that enjoys it, like it was to me in the May of 2012.
What next?
I am certainly not about to give up writing. No, I enjoy it too much, and my ideas will never stop. Now those ideas belong only to me. Hasbro, Riot Games, whoever, could not stick a copyright sticker on any of it from here on out if they tried. I will owe nothing of what I do to anyone but the people I choose to work with side-by-side in my endeavors. Some will be co-operative works, group projects. Others will be solo works, which perhaps no one will ever read.
My first line of business is to touch on an old idea that perhaps a few of you recall: Cavalry Studios. It was little more than a concept when first I dropped that name, and I would be lying if I said it was much different now. However, I plan to reboot the project in earnest, and attempt to create a small and independent media studio. The scope hasn’t changed, and nor has the direction, but the motivation, backing members, and possibility of success are very new indeed. Our first project has already been decided on by the founding members, and work will be underway by the time you’ve finished reading this.
Cavalry Studios is not yet anything, but I intend to make it into something with the help of some close friends, skilled acquaintances, and unfathomably loyal and zealous supporters. If you feel compelled, the group already has Google accounts, Twitter, and Facebook. You can add them if you like, for nothing more than to be informed when it does become something grand. Those accounts are bare now, but they won’t be forever. I’d call it a plug, but I’m not really asking you to follow it.
Outside of that, I will begin working on personal stories at my leisure, many of them planned works for publication. Will any of them really see completion? I have no idea. I am easily distracted, and without readers to keep me in line, I do not think so. Still, working on such projects with that sort of absolute freedom again will bring me peace of mind, and that is worth a great deal to me at this point in my life.
Thank you.
All of you. You made my time writing here, for you, astoundingly successful. I did not deserve the support I got over the last year-and-a-half, and if any of you follow me away from this, I will not deserve it then either. To say I deserve it would be to say you owe it to me: the opposite is true.
In my time here I have been selfish because of that. It seems paltry to think that after everything my readers have given me, the best I could give them were a few chapters every month… three completed stories in a year-and-a-half. Compared to what I received during my stay here, it hardly seems fair.
I have said it before in author’s notes, and nothing has changed: I owe my improvement more to you all than I do to myself. My motivation waxes and wanes, but your support has been unwavering. In this past year-and-a-half I have gotten so much better than I was when I began here. I do not feel as if I ever wrote a chapter that was not better than the last, and I do not intend for that to sound vain. It has nothing to do with some prideful vision of my self-improvement.
What I mean by it is that I was fortunate to have improved every step of the way, and I owe that to you. Your feedback, your appreciation, your ire, and your frustrations have driven me to do more, and to do it better, with every passing word. Before I came here, I was content to write a story, never imagining I was capable of changing someone’s life with it. Before I came here, writing was a hobby. You have all changed that for me.
I can only pray that I will continue to be so fortunate in the future. Perhaps I will not have quite the opportunity to be seen or heard, or to change people’s lives with my adventures. That does not matter. What matters is that I now know that I can.
Farewell.
It has been a great adventure. I will not forget what I learned here, nor what I have experienced. I will forever remember the first chapter of HoaD, and how excited I was when it reached one hundred views. I will never forget my astonishment each time I reached the feature board. I will always remember that it had nothing to do with me each time I did, but that it all depended on what you saw in my work.
I will never forget Visionary, or the characters I so badly botched. I will never forget the thousands and thousands of comments, the good and the bad, which I adored. I will never forget the feeling of being overwhelmed, and knowing I could never reply to them all.
I will never forget the Unity Games, nor the friends and enemies I made there. I will never forget looking back and thinking it seemed so trivial, nor being in the thick of it and feeling terribly burdened by its importance.
I will never forget drinking long nights and writing long words. Perhaps that much will never change.
I will not forget this place. I will not forget any of you.
You might forget me.
For one-and-a-half years, my name was Razorbeam. Today exactly, for twenty-three years, my name has been Aaron Marquart-Pavlak. If ever you read something written by me again, that is who I will be.
I regret it none at all. Not one mote.
Best regards,
Aaron.
I'm sad to hear that you are leaving us Razor but if you think that it's the best course of action to take then I support you 110%. It's a shame that we will be losing your talent and I always get a little emotional when an author quits the fandom, it feel like losing a friend to be honest. That being said, I hope the best for ya bud and I think that I speak for everyone who followed your storied by saying: Thank you for these wonderful adventures!
thats sad to read but i guess we all move on at some point.
take care :)
Well, if nothing else it's good to hear you'll keep writing somewhere. My one concern is whether or not you'll take down all the masterpieces you've written so far. It's a shame but maybe you'll still enjoy reading the other fics on this site.
Hail and farewell, good man.
It was fun reading your stories! Good luck with whatever you decide to do next (unless it murder or something. I won't wish you luck with that). Its been nice knowing you through your characters. I fuilly respect your decision and if you change your mind, I'll see you around.
Bill Watterson: Cartoonist and creator of Calvin and Hobbes
I do believe the sentiment is the same here.
May your future be a happy one, and I hope to hear from you again.
May you find a good time no matter where the journey takes you.
Luckily, this blog post caught my attention. Otherwise I would've missed my chance to say that I will your writing. I will be looking for writings from you Aaron.
You've had a nice run here. I'm glad I got to read your contributions to the fandom.
Heart of a Dragon was the first thing I read from you and when I saw that it was doing a dual story (you were nice enough to write both sides of that story). When I saw The Spike Celestia ship I thought you were crazy. But you mad it work, first Spike and Tia romance I've every read.
Visionary came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face. It wasn't perfect, but nothing is. The story had character though. Changeling society, AJ-changeling romance, magic circles, scandals... Every other chapter had me saying, "What?!" That story was a good read.
Anyway, enough of my ranting. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Well, good luck, whatever the future may bring...
It sucks that your unfinished works will stay that way
but good luck to you in your future!
So long, and thanks for all the
fishhorse words.Godspeed, you magnificent bastard.
thanks a lot for the stories, good luck in anything you do from now on and take care.
Take good care and good luck out there. It's a big world, but I can only hope that you make it bigger.
And thank you, Aaron, for the stories you told me.
And so, Fimfiction loses another legend.
May the flank be with you in your future endeavors.
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I'm sure you've been asked this question more times than there are Arabian nights, but have you given any thought to re-adapting the stories you have finished into original fiction?
I ask because, besides really enjoying your work, we've all seen the thought and energy you've put into this universe if yours, and have heard about all the plans you had for it, and it would seem a shame to not use any of it again.
Like you said, you never felt like your characters were ever really ponies to begin with, and in a sense, I agree with you. The pony thing was a backdrop against which your characters acted; the stage, if you will. But as characters, they stood very strongly on their own.
I wish you the absolute best Razor. You're stories have brought me so much joy in reading. I can't say much more than, thank you.
You made the correct choice. Life has enough burdens as-is, and if FiM has become a burden, ditch it.
Sad to see you go, but I understand your reasoning. All I can say is happy birthday, and thanks for all the adventures throughout your stories. You'll be missed.
/salute
Hate to see you go, but glad to have been a reader while it lasted.
Sucks your going as I was hoping to see more of your visionary universe. Doubtful but the next season may pull you back in, only time will tell. Good luck with your future plans. : )
May the Schwartz be with you.
Farewell. I am sad that we won't get to see the rest of the world you built, but I understand the reasoning. I hope that I'll have the chance to read more of your work someday. Best of luck in all of you endeavors.
-HaveANiceDay
Good luck to you sir. I hope you the very best of luck in you future endeavors. I hope to follow you even past this point. Your stories were a wonderful enjoyment for me to read and I hope they continue to be!
And I have never felt so proud to share my first name with someone. Go on and be amazing, Aaron
aw man, phoo.
You wrote some truly wonderful stories. I wish you the best!
~Momentai
Good luck buddy!
Best of luck on your future endeavors!
Good luck out there, Razorbeam.
Sad to see you go. I only started following you recently but your stories are among the best of the site in my book. I can only hope your ideas are just as appreciated where ever you go.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Nice t-
._.
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I... I don't...
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O... Okay... good to know that... at least...
I really hope you will throw out to us when you're done with what you're going to do. I... really want to read your stuff...
This Cavalry Studios thing seems VERY interesting.
NOPE!!! I fucking won't!
ESPECIALLY NOT NOW!!!!!!
...
But... I'm still sad...
I really hope the best of the best to you. I want your life to be as awesome as you deserve it to be.
You will still stay as the man who changed my life by being one of those that made me realize just how amazing reading stories, all kinds of, can be.
So...
Best regards,
This crazy motherfucker called HeimoBauss, Lenny, Leevi, Fucking Frigid Bogeyman, and many other names.
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Damn. This is a bittersweet post. Visionary, Tinkermane, and The Heart of a Dragon(Rarity Ending of course) were some of my favorite pieces of literature. Stay cool man, and god spede in all you do.
While I'm saddened by this, happy birthday and good luck! I'll be keeping an eye out for your future work(s?).
1427576
I have been toying with the idea of recreating Visionary, bigger and better in a world more well-suited to its telling. When that will happen, I do not know. However, as it was in the middle of the MLP stuff (end of season 2) so it would be in the middle, timeline-wise of whatever universe it became a part of. The changelings in Visionary were previously believed to be a myth, as I had them laid out, and then proved to be true. To replicate even a bit of that effect, I would need to create an entire world of characters before revealing them, who did not believe they were real.
Suffice it to say that while, yes, I would greatly enjoy translating my works into original fiction, it is certainly not going to be a simple affair.
Feel like this has to be asked.
You say you are simply focusing your creative talent elsewhere, but will still be a part of this community. Any chance that you'll post links to non-fandom works you publish in this blog? Plenty of people would be interested.
Second, thank you greatly for not being one of those people who go "I am no longer writing fic, therefore deleting all stories" ...I hate it when people do that. Especially people with good stories. It sometimes seems that the more liked a story is the more likely it is that the author throws a fit and wipes it. Or maybe I'm just bitter. Nevermind. And hey, maybe a year or two from now a muse will suddenly dropkick you out of nowhere and you'll come back to write more.
Thirdly. You are awesome, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
As much as i will miss you, all good things have to end. You are a brilliant fimfiction writer and have made many wondrous stories which are beautiful in their own ways. I am writing this comment to congratulate you and also bid you farewell. You have inspired many people who have in turn inspired others. I wish you good luck in whatever life throws at you, godspeed. /)
oh well, can't deny that you've got a good reason. We'll miss you, good luck with cavalry studios.
I know the feel, every time I try to go back to my fanfic story, i get all 'eh...'
good luck in future endevers (or however it's spelled) good sir.
You shall be missed.
:) Good Luck.
At first I honestly thought this was a joke. Or hoping it was, at least.
Ah, well. Just wanted to let you know, I believe Visionary was the first fic I'd ever read on FiMFiction. It was also one of the stories that really drew me into the fandom. I'll try to remember your name, as it'd be interesting to see you pop up again somewhere (years?) from now. If I ever see Aaron Marquart-Pavlak on the spine of a novel, that shit's coming home with me.
Good luck with life and all personal endeavors
Well, you had a good run. Perhaps I'll see some of your work again someday. May Fortune smile upon your future endeavors.
Well crap. I never got around to reading the sequel of Visionary, so I'm not as disappointed as I would have been. Visionary and The Heart of a Dragon will forever remain in my top 10 favorite stories.
Goodbye, Razorbeam. May you live long and prosper.
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Good luck, Sir Aaron, in your future endeavors.
Well, without you, I would never have started writing myself, after the Unity Games.
Without you, I would never have had such an interest in Changelings.
Without you, I wouldn't have made so many friends.
But there comes a time in some peoples lives where their priorities have to change, and its a damned shame it happened to you.
At the same time, I'm glad for you. I've always looked up to you.
One things for sure. I'D never forget you.
Especially the phone.
Good luck, mate. Ill be rooting for you on the sidelines.
Eh. I liked your writing style, and the stories were good enough. I'll be blunt and state I was reading it for the romance over the rest, which is probably not the point you ever aimed for. It was somewhat obvious you weren't really into it, honestly when you did your contest thing it was obvious you were looking for a distraction.
Also, I feel bad for whoever won that now. I saw it as a bad idea from the very beginning.
Eh, I could go on, saluting you and lamblasting and roasting you, but there'd be no point. I'll go ahead and remove my hopes for seeing something added onto Tinkermane for a future story, and I'll bluntly say once more I'm rather disappointed.
Good luck trying to hack it in the real writing world, don't know if you're at that level yet, but I suppose the only way to find out is to try.
Well, it was fun while it lasted. Drop by every now and they to let us know how you're doing, would ya?
Also, thanks for the heads up so that I can remove my follow, favorites, etc. Just in case.
You are shooting yourself in the foot, though. Professional writing is a whole 'nother level, and no offense, but you aren't quite yet there. Fan fiction is a perfect medium to supplement your experience, and without that, you're going to suffer. It's a long a grueling process before you even start looking for publishers, and even then, once you reach that stage, well...
Yeah.
1430574
I'm not overly worried about it. It's just something to work towards, which is more than I have going for me here anymore. I'm gaining less practice, if anything, by using a world and characters created by someone else. I'd hardly say it would help me to continue fanfiction, but I respect your opinion.
I never claimed to be ready for publishing, but hopefully I will be whenever I decide to shoot for it.
Have a good one.
1430585
So, I gotta know. RP tourney the thing that pushed you over the edge? First time I'd ever seen someone who needed a break from writing create more work for themselves than writing itself entailed. Plus, how ya handling whoever won that with your then reward? It's gnawing at me.
I feel the same way about ponies as you, Razorbeam. I just don't feel as compelled by the subject matter as I used to. Maybe Season 4 will change that. Maybe not. Anyways, if you ever get yourself published, you'll have a reader in me. So long and thanks for all the fish, Aaron.
--gildedkitten