• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

MrNumbers


Stories about: Feelings too complicated to describe, ponies

More Blog Posts335

  • 16 weeks
    Tradition

    This one's particular poignant. Singing this on January 1 is a twelve year tradition at this point.

    So fun facts
    1) Did you know you don't have to be epileptic to have seizures?
    2) and if you have a seizure lasting longer than five minutes you just straight out have a 20% chance of dying in the next thirty days, apparently

    Read More

    10 comments · 490 views
  • 22 weeks
    Two Martyrs Fall for Each Other

    Here’s where I talk about this new story, 40,000 words long and written in just over a week. This is in no way to say it’s rushed, quite the opposite; It wouldn’t have been possible if I wasn’t so excited to put it out. I would consider A Complete Lack of Jealousy from All Involved a prologue more than a prequel, and suggested but not necessary reading. 

    Read More

    2 comments · 574 views
  • 24 weeks
    Commissions Open: An Autobiography

    Commission rates $20USD per 1,000 words. Story ideas expected between 4K-20K preferable. Just as a heads up, I’m trying to put as much of my focus as I can into original work for publication, so I might close slots quickly or be selective with the ideas I take. Does not have to be pony, but obviously I’m going to be better or more interested in either original fiction or franchises I’m familiar

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    5 comments · 577 views
  • 27 weeks
    Blinded by Delight

    My brain diagnosis ended up way funnier than "We'll name it after you". It turned out to be "We know this is theoretically possible because there was a recorded case of it happening once in 2003". It turns out that if you have bipolar disorder and ADHD and PTSD and a traumatic brain injury, you get sick in a way that should only be possible for people who have no

    Read More

    19 comments · 763 views
  • 36 weeks
    EFNW

    I planned on making it this year but then ran into an unfortunate case of the kill-me-deads. In the moment I needed to make a call whether to cancel or not, and I knew I was dying from something but didn't know if it was going to be an easy treatment or not.

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    6 comments · 790 views
Oct
15th
2013

There is hope. · 10:25pm Oct 15th, 2013

Depression is looking in the mirror and being disgusted with the person looking back at you.

Depression is lying in bed every morning, staring at the ceiling, thinking of a reason it's worth even getting up. Of something to look forward to.

Depression is not finding any.

Depression is constantly forcing yourself to forget old friends and friendships, because you've driven those people away with your awful nature and personality.

Depression is being constantly aware of just how unprepared you are for dealing with the adult world to the point of being rendered catatonic.

Depression is the knowledge that your life is meaningless and will be forgotten.

Depression is for all of its strange variations and changes offensively consistent, monotonous and unchanging.

Depression is living for the day to day: Thinking about the past destroys you. Thinking about the future makes you want to curl up and empty your stomach. There's only the now.

Depression is feeling you have to be forced to hide your sadness or you'll lose what little you still have.

It's anguish and it's regret and it's terror.

When you are going through hell, keep going.

There is hope.

The night is darkest before the dawn.

There is hope.

Just because you can't see happy moments in your future doesn't mean they aren't there.

There is hope.

Because really... that's all you can do. At the end of the day: Fuck it. Don't let this thing win. Make it pay for every fucking inch it wants to bleed from you. Make it fight for every single tear, every single cut, every single time it makes you want to lay down and die.

Because there is always hope, even if you can't see it yet.

And there will always be someone out there who understands.

Report MrNumbers · 360 views ·
Comments ( 5 )

I think I have a mild case of depression, but a know I have a bigger case of apathy. Most of the time I am able to guilt trip myself into doing something.
Emotions don't stick easily on me.

Depression can be triggered by anything, biological or environmental. If it is biological, such as a serotonin deficiency, that is treatable with medication and homeopathic remedies such as cardio and chocolate.
If it is environmental, it can be treated with socialization and positive interactions, motivational thought exercises, physical activity, focus on something enjoyable and rewarding, and plenty of distraction, along with addressing the cause of the trigger.

However, what many do not realize is that no matter what triggers depression, the main symptom that makes it so hard to break free of is consistently in almost all cases a cyclical, self-sustaining pattern of negative thought. Your mind is constantly attracted to negative aspects of everything, creating an automatic level of self-defeatist, cynical, negative thought, often without the sufferer realizing that their thought patterns are altered. Most people think that these negative issues show up to make you feel worse, but in fact it is only the way you are relating to them that has changed. Your brain is locked in a sick loop of self destructive perception and that is the most important element of depression to break: not the way you feel, but the way you think. This is why many people who focus primarily on mood in dealing with depression backslide.

There are some psychological thought exercises as well as certain medications that get the brain to, at least temporarily, deviate from the cycle and allows the sufferer to then have the ability to improve their outlook to prevent the mind from returning to that cursed carousel.

In other words, concentrating on the problem is doing more damage than good, you need to distract your mind from thought entirely to realign a correct pattern of thought.

1423106
There is really nothing worse than having your own mind by your worst enemy. :fluttershysad:

There is hope.

Other people do understand.

You do matter.

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