Life Post 1 · 11:27pm Sep 28th, 2013

I might start making a habit of posting things that impact me, or that I find meaningful. Tonight is one about someone who I deeply care for....

You can spend quite a bit of time with someone and feel like you know them, but now and then a small simple fact or truth comes out of no where. It can change your whole view about that person, make you angry, happy, or sad. The simple truth I found out about my loved one tonight made me feel sad above all else.

As you grow older, emotions that were once plain and straight forward become more complex, and layers are added to it. We think it childish to revert or rely on the foundation of our emotions. We can't be only happy or sad, we must have more complex versions and reasons of it. For every situation, for every happenstance, we have an increasingly large pool of reasons for our behaviors and feelings. We can pretty them up, or justify them as much as possible. But sometimes we are blind to the real reason of our feelings. We don't always want to simplify. It's hard to face a simple truth about yourself, to hard sometimes.... To have it reduced to such a non-complex state, can sometimes make someone feel childish. But other times is because it rings so true that it hurts.

I finally realized a truth that while I had known was about her, it only really came into full understanding tonight. For starters, she did not have the best of childhoods, of which I won't go into any more detail. But she is frustrated with her life and doesn't know what to do about it. We try to make connections or discover reasons why she is feeling like this. But again, were looking at it with too much complexity. She mentions the movie the House Bunny and how she envies her, or at least some of her traits. How she is strong enough to face her difficulties and press on, to hang out with the rest of the girls in slumber parties. To laugh and have a fun time carefree. Which in turn leads to how she imagined her life right now being in college, and not where she is now. She imagined like I'm sure we all do, being someone else entirely.

One of the final keys realizing what it was, and I swear is relevant for this website, was the fact that she always, always cried at a certain scene in My Little Pony. It's the scene in the second episode where Twilight was whisked away by Nightmare Moon, and she's standing there all by herself. Alone and powerless to stop her. But then Twilight hears her friends voices behind her in the hall way. Turning, she see's them enter the room as they dash to her side. They came not just for Equestria or to stop Nightmare Moon, but for her. They came for Twilight. To be her friend and stand by her, to be there for her. They were there to be true friends. And my loved one always cried at this scene. She never fully knew why either.

Suddenly tonight after a long conversation, I finally realized something about her. For all her worries, all her problems, her frustrations and crying for things, was because of one, simple, thing.

She was lonely.....

Were all lonely at times but she was truly, honestly deep in heart and mind, lonely. She had never had a connection like those in shows or movies. Or what other people had around her. Not even her own family held the connection that she desperately felt was missing. She wasn't able to be herself. She didn't have anyone ever be there for her for anything on a deep level. She never had a bond that remained despite any amount of troubles that comes with relationships, friends and otherwise. She had grown up into an adult, while still remaining the sad little girl that had no real friends.....

I hugged her tightly when I realized this, causing her to pause in mid sentence and ask what I was doing. I merely replied, "Your lonely, aren't you? You have been for a long time." She was quiet for sometime before I heard her voice crack while she whispered, "...yeah."

She wasn't fully aware herself why she felt like she did, or what was causing her the pain inside. But it all came into clear understanding the moment we laid it out how it was. She was so very lonely.

That's why she admitted to how she knew she liked me, because I made her not feel so alone. Sure there were some friends and people in her life that she hung out with, but no one really important that was there for her. I however as she said, was the only one that stuck by her-side. I just focused on making her feel safe and comfortable as I could, sometimes doing it without even knowing. Another way she knew was a night we had some of my friends over back when we were dating. We were all watching a movie and she had her head in my lap. Before I knew it, I looked down and saw her asleep on my leg. It was the most adorable and cutest thing I saw in my life. I just gently rubbed her arms as she napped. Later she woke up randomly and was confused how the movie changed from one to another. I told her that she feel asleep and we already finished the first one. But to her that seemed impossible. She was the one to fall asleep last and wake up first at the slumber parties she did manage to go to. She told me she had never felt so safe and calm with anyone else to ever fall asleep on them. It was then she said, that she knew we'd be together.

I've been the only person in her life that helped heal that pain inside of her, something that will be coming back I fear during my deployment. But it's also one of the reasons why I think she loves My Little Pony. As cliche and ironic as what I'm about to say, the magic of friendship, real friendship, is something everyone needs. It's what has been missing in her life, and I hope to all the world she finds it in more people than just me. The power of having a close friend being connected to you on such a deep level is well......there's nothing quite like it. And sometimes we forget simple things like that.

Report Senyu · 259 views ·

Comments ( 2 )