100 things I'm not allowed to do in Equestria · 8:47am Aug 22nd, 2013
#1: Gangnam Style is not the new Equestrian anthem, and neither is the coreography considered “the new salute to the flag”.
#2: I won’t leave alone and/or without surveillance anypony who surfs the Internet. We don’t want another incident like the last time.
#3: Fanfiction isn’t considered literature. The next works are forbidden: Fallout Equestria, Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory and The Conversion Bureau.
#3.5: My Little Dashie is NOT a biography of Rainbow Dash past.
#4: There’s no such thing as a “trolling Cutie Mark”.
#5: Laziness is not considered a human talent that must be practiced 24/7.
#6: Adapting to Equestria’s costums doesn’t mean I’m allowed to walk around naked.
#7: Ponies wearing clothes is not the same as nude humans.
#8: I can’t enlist Spike’s help for reprising Dragonheart, How to train your dragon and such.
#9: I can’t send Spam to Princess Cestia about enlarging her horn.
#10: Fluttershy’s chickens can’t be used to descend high ledges like in Legend of Zelda.
#11: Refering to #10, I can’t try it with pegasi.
#11.2: Not even Rainbow Dash, even if she dares me to do it.
#11.3: Scootaloo is a pegasus, not a chicken. Refer to #10 and #11.
#11.4: Just don’t do it with any items or living beings that have wings.
#12: I can’t tell Lyra that a centaur is the result of a night of passion between a pony and a human after its parents had a crazy night.
#12.5: That goes for anything formed by two different creatures.
#13: Pinkie Pie is not allowed to watch Project X and any other movie consisting of a macro party.
#14: I won’t send love letters to Rarity and sign them as “Your biggest fan, Prince Blueblood”.
#14.2: Neither as Fancypants.
#14.3: Or “Your secret admirer”.
#14.4: Just don’t write fake love letters.
#15: I can’t hide my arm under my shirt and run all over the town screaming “I managed to escape from Nighmare Moon! Run before she devours you!”.
#15.2: Especially in Nightmare Night.
#15.3: Neither can I leave a mannequin of myself at the base of the statue and then spend the entire night sleeping in Fluttershy’s cottage.
#16: I can’t write fake love letters and make it look like X pony sent it to Y pony and viceversa. Refer to #14.4.
#17: Asking Rainbow Dash to perfom a tornado to clean the trees from their leaves goes against the idea of Running of the Leaves.
#17.2: A vacuum cleaner goes against the rules too.
#17.3: Just don’t do anything aside of running through the forest.
#18: Just because in Earth we don’t celebrate Winter Wrap-Up it doesn’t mean I’m allowed to evade any responsibilites to help the other ponies.
#19: I can’t wear scary Heavy Metal shirts in presence of anypony.
#19.2: Especially fillies and Fluttershy.
#19.3: Just don’t wear scary shirts. Period.
#20: I can’t bring any copies of Twilight inside the library.
#20.5: Giving copies to everypony and telling them that it’s a biography of Twilight Sparkle counts towards #20.
#21: No matter how cute I think ponies are when they wear socks, I can’t go around hugging them.
#21.5: Especially if I don’t hug stallions too. That’s sexist.
#22: I can’t point at random ponies and scream “There’s a changeling around here!”.
#22.2: Especially if one of them is a twin brother/sister.
#22.3: Even though it was eventually discovered that I was right every time.
#23: I can’t bring movies and make everypony think it’s a recorded footage of a real event.
#23.5: Especially horror movies like Cloverfield.
#24: I’m not allowed in Twilight’s laboratory under the library.
#24.2: Neither can I ask somepony to enter in my place and bring me things.
#24.3: Or press any big/red/suspicious buttons.
#25: Baking suggestive cakes for Princess Celestia is not funny.
#25.5: Especially if they involve the Mane Six.
#26: I can’t place Rarity’s mannequins inside her bed while she sleeps.
#26.5: That includes taking photographs and showing them to her friends.
#27: I can’t use a “You must be this tall to join this line” sign as tall as me to be the first one at anything.
#27.5: No matter how many times everypony falls for it.
#28: I can’t have suggestive/erotic dreams if Princess Luna pays me a visit.
#28.5: Even though I can’t control my dreams. Just because everypony can it doesn’t mean humans can do it too.
#29: I can’t use Poison Joke to make pranks.
#29.5: Neither can I hide them along with a dozen of blue roses and give them to other couples on Hearts and Hooves day.
#30: I can’t “borrow” one hundred of Zecora’s rings to see if I can get an extra life.
#31: I can’t place Poison Joke in Angel’s salad
#31.5: Even though that rabbit deserves it.
#32: I can’t mention how much I love meat in front of Fluttershy.
#33: I can’t say that Princess Celestia and Discord act like an old married couple.
#33.2: They’re only offended because I called them “old”.
#33.3: Even though they really are old.
#34: I can’t ride other ponies.
#34.2: Not because it’s considered offensive, but because they can barely support my weight.
#34.3: Only Princess Celestia, Luna and Cadence can support my weight, but they’re too busy with royal business to take part in such childish games.
#34.4: Even though Luna really loves to play, working is her first priority, no matter how much she wants to take a break.
#35: No matter how well can I make a fake document, I’m not a doctor.
#35.2: Or a veterinary.
#35.3: And I can’t go around giving hugs because it’s been scientifically proved to cure loneliness.
#35.4: Any report written by me can’t be considered scientific nor official by any institution.
#35.5 Especially if it’s been confirmed by any institution founded by me.
#36: I can’t jump over Ponyville’s roofs wearing a sweater hoodie trying to emulate Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad.
#36.2: Or Ezio Auditore da Firenze.
#36.3: Or Connor Kenway.
#36.4: Just don’t jump over the roofs.
#37: I can’t keep a Timberwolf as my pet and call him “Woody”.
#38: Earth ponies are not Muggles.
#38.5: Whatever that word means, it can’t be a good thing.
#39: I can’t go with Rarity in search of gems and later sell them in Earth.
#40: I can’t carry around a typewriter to save my game.
#40.2: Or banana coins.
#40.3: Or play the magic flute to call a Moogle.
#40.4: We’re still studying how the heck did a Moogle appear from nowhere.
#41: I can’t sing “That old grey mare is not my old grey mare” with Derpy.
#41.5: Especially if my pants are down.
#42: I can’t cut the apples from Applejack’s orchad as a training to play Ninja Fruit.
#42.5: That goes for all the fruit I can find in Equestria.
#43: I can’t use a Master Ball to capture Celestia.
#43.5: Although she feels honored that I consider her a Legendary type.
#44: Refering to #43, Pinkie Pie can’t tag along.
#45: The party canon is for parties. It can’t be used to play Paintball.
#45.5: Neither can I pour an entire bag of flour and make everypony think it’s snowing in the middle of summer.
#46: I can’t dress one of Rarity’s mannequins with a smokin and place it in front of the Everfree Forest to make everypony think it’s Slendermane.
#47: Just because I always wear a full set of clothes, that doesn’t make me the richest creature of Canterlot.
#48: I shouldn’t mention that I like oranges more than apples in front of Applejack.
#49: Even though ponies don’t wear pajamas in a pajama party, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wear mine.
#49.5: Especially if Lyra is attending the party.
#50: I can’t replace sugar cubes with salt cubes in Pinkie Pie’s chocolate. We don’t want another incident like last time.
#51: Danger is not my middle name.
#51.5: Even if I legally change it, it won’t be considered official.
#52: I can’t mix Zecora’s potions to see what will happen.
#53: I can’t give new ideas to get a Cutie Mark to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
#54: There isn’t a Cutie Mark for playing videogames.
#54.5: And even if it existed, it wouldn’t count as a profitable job.
#55: Belonging to another world doesn’t automatically make me an ambassador.
#55.2: Or a duke.
#55.3: Or a prince.
#55.4: Or a king.
#55.5: I can’t have any other title aside of “visitor with special rights”.
#56: Luna game is forbidden all over Equestria.
#56.5: That goes for Story of the Blanks too.
#57: Refering to #56.5, there isn’t a hidden village of blank flanks within the Everfree Forest.
#58: The staircase of the Crystal Empire tower is not a landslide.
#58.5: That means that I can’t sell tickets for everypony to take a ride.
#59: Heavy Metal is not the best kind of music to play at 3 A.M.
#59.2: Especially in Celestia’s room while she sleeps.
#59.3: Even if Luna gives me permission. Just because she rules at night doesn’t mean she’s allowed to change the laws at will.
#60: I must wear a swimsuit whenever I visit the spa.
#60.5: Only ponies and any other creatures from Equestria are allowed to be naked.
#61: Gum does not belong on the underside of the library table.
#61.2: Or on the door.
#61.3: The floor.
#61.4: In the shelves.
#61.5:Gum is banned from the library.
#62: I’m not allowed to host a karaoke night in the library.
#62.5: Or anywhere else aside of the karaoke bar.
#63: I can’t send prank letters to Celestia.
#64: If the doorbell rings, I am not allowed to say “Bring out yer dead!”
#64.2: I can’t say “Ding dong, the Witch is dead!” neither.
#64.3: Especially if Rarity is present or within earsdrop territory.
#64.4: Anything aside of “Please, enter”, “the door is open” or “it’s your turn” is not allowed.
#65: I am not allowed to graffiti any interior or exterior surface of the library or any other building, for that matter.
#65.5: Sticking stuff on the walls of my side of the guests room is okay as long as I do not damage said walls.
#66: I am not allowed to leave my homework around the library.
#66.2: Twilight will finish it, and it makes my teachers suspicious.
#66:3: She will make fun of me when I have trouble understanding a “simple” concept. Like calculus.
#67: I can’t blame anypony else when I scream like a little girl.
#68: I can’t replace Twilight’s books with edited versions where all the answers are 42.
#69: I can’t give her a book about networking computers and then laugh at her face when she asks me “What’s a computer?”.
#70: I can’t laugh at everypony an call them dinosaurs just because in my world our technology is far advanced than Equestria.
#71: I cannot flirt with Princess Luna.
#71.2: She’s a 1000+ year old Princess (even though she preserves herself pretty well). It wouldn’t work.
#71.3: Besides, Celestia never falls for it. It stopped being funny after the first time.
#72: Doors are locked for a reason.
#72.2: Rarity doesn’t appreciate me kicking her bedroom door down at 3 A.M. to suggest a disco inferno.
#72.3: Even if Rainbow Dash does the kicking.
#73: I am not allowed to peek inside the spa when Rainbow Dash is showering.
#73.2: Even though she’s always nude.
#73.3: Even if she does have a lovely plot.
#73.4: I am certainly not allowed to take pictures and send them to everyone I know.
#73.5: But Rarity said she doesn't mind if I do.
#74: I can’t say “Give her jewels. Bitches love jewels” when we talk about Rarity’s birthday gift.
#75: Bananas are not toys.
#75.5: Princess Celestia has been informed of this too.
#76: I am not allowed to say “But we do this in Earth all the time” whenever I break a rule.
#76.5: Quoting “Rules were made to be broken” doesn’t work.
#77: Dracula isn’t hiding inside the old castle of the Everfree Forest.
#77.2: And the villagers aren’t lying to me.
#77.3: Even though telling me things like “GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER” makes no goddam sense.
#78: I can’t blame Discord for all the problems in Equestria.
#78.5: Even though he admitted that most of them are his own fault.
#79: I can’t tell horror stories because I always end up scaring everypony.
#79.5: Especially stories about how we sacrifice horses when they break their legs.
#80: I can’t keep a manticore as a pet.
#80.2: Or a changeling.
#80.3: ESPECIALLY a changeling.
#81: Playing with Gummy doesn’t automatically turn me into the Crocodile Hunter
#82: Drawing a fake Cutie Mark with a marker on the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ flank is not funny.
#83: I can’t threaten anypony with Dark magic.
#83.2: Or White Magic.
#83.3: Or Red Magic
#83.4: I can’t threaten with any color of magic.
#84: I can’t make Wanted posters with the face of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
#84.2: Even if it was the Cutie Mark Crusaders idea.
#84.3: Even though they’re bullies and they deserved it.
#85: I can’t play the Jaws theme and throw Gummy wearing a fake shark flipper whenever somepony bathes in the spa.
#85.2: Or play the Psychosis theme when Rarity is taking a shower.
#85.3: But I can play “Don’t stop me now” when Rainbow Dash runs. She loves it.
#86: Nopony is conspiring against me. Yes they do. No, we don’t.
#87: I can’t make any space jokes from Portal 2 if Princess Luna is present.
#87.5: Mostly because she joins the fun and always uses her Royal Canterlot voice, destroying everything in sight.
#88: I can’t ask Fancypants why does he have such name if he isn’t wearing any pants.
#89: Body paint is not considered clothing.
#90: Beating Trauma Center doesn’t automatically turn me into a doctor.
#90.2: Especially since I used cheats to beat the game.
#90.3: I’m only allowed to take care of minor injuries and placing bandages if there’s a real doctor watching.
#91: I can’t make questions about Cadence’s sexual orientation.
#91.5: Making a bet is not a excuse.
#92: Discord doesn’t need my help spreading chaos to Earth. We’re already pretty caotic without his intervention.
#93: I can’t start a new religion.
#93.5: I can’t use an already existing religion and make ponies join it for fun.
#94: I’m not Luna’s favorite student.
#94.2: Playing videogames with her doesn’t count as studying.
#94.3: Besides, she should be my student since I’m the one teaching her how to play.
#95: When anypony asks where I come from, I can’t reply “from a galaxy far, far away”.
#95.2: Or “Hello. My name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”.
#95.3: Or “I’m the Doctor”, and when they ask “Doctor who?” reply “No, just the Doctor”.
#95.4: Doctor Whooves doesn’t appreciate that I use his name for pranks.
#96: I can’t break the 4th wall. We don’t want another Crisis on Infinite Earths.
#97: Princess Luna is not Batmane.#97.2: That’s what they want me to believe, but I know the truth.
#97.3: Humans are not allowed to edit these rules.
#98: Unicorns don’t feel attracted to virgins.
#98.2: Just because Twilight allows me to stay at her library, Rarity always wants to design clothes for me and I’m a virgin doesn’t have to mean anything aside of being good friends.
#98.3: Of course, that’s a complete lie.
#98.4: You’re just being paranoid.
#99: There’s not a secret society observing everything I do.
#99.2: But I know the truth, and they want to make everypony to think I’m a crazy person.
#99.3: You didn’t really need help with that in the first place.
#100: I can’t write fake rules because I'm bored.
lel
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST RULEBOOK I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
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1301514 One of my favorite ones