Simply Slice of Life—A Review: Dead Pony Flying · 5:36pm Jul 21st, 2013
Like other reviews of mine like this, I won’t be critiquing anything about this story. I’d rather you be as enticed as possible to read a simple Slice of Life I think is worth it, and this isn’t really meant to point out flaws. It’s more meant to pull you partially into an experience, and hopefully convince you to go check it out. I may take issue with something about it, and there may be some grammar errors, but they won’t be pointed out here.
I'd also like to issue a message to Dusty Sage, the author of this story: I tried my best, and I hope it's good enough. If not, I sincerely apologize. Your story deserves recognition.
With that out of the way, here we go!
Death isn’t something we know a lot about; we know even less about the afterlife. Some believe it to be the end, while others believe there to be an eternal afterlife waiting for them. What we do know is that we only have one life that can be snuffed out at any moment, and if we are not resuscitated, that’s it. We have to move on from this mortal life, no matter what (as far as we know).
What would one do if they had just a little bit more time before they had to go? In this story, one of the characters does something she’s always loved doing just before she ventures into eternity.
Dead Pony Flying, by Dusty Sage
Nopony knows very much about the afterlife, and all Rainbow Dash knows is that she wants to fly just one more time.
This is a 2,071-word story about Rainbow Dash doing one more Sonic Rainboom before she leaves the mortal world behind.
Most of the story is conveyed through dialogue, and Dusty Sage does a great job of keeping the characters in character. Despite living a great long while, Rainbow Dash is still lovably cocky and energetic, but there is a bit of maturity that comes through in some of her dialogue, such as here:
“I never did like that word ‘final’. It always makes me think that I’ve just crashed into something.” Dash looked up at the Princess. “I don’t get it. I spent half my life falling to the ground, I hit more often than I wanted to, and some crummy bacteria take me out?”
That’s some introspection on her life, and while it’s still presented in the same voice as the young Rainbow Dash, it shows some hindsight into her life that sums her up nicely.
Apart from her, the other characters are also in-character-yet-changed-through-age; the Crusaders are still their rambunctious selves, except a little wiser and more concerned about the consequences of a particular action (this action being tampering with nuclear power and risking taking in radiation, which does fit into the story), and Celestia is still kind and wise, and yet she’s aloof. In the end, I feel like this is for the best, since she’s talking about death and what lies beyond, and yet she doesn’t give a clear answer; she only says that she’ll have friends waiting for her there.
This brings a focus to the all-more-important present, where Rainbow Dash tries to do one more Sonic Rainboom before she moves on. The way it’s set up is fluid; she discovers that in her ghost-like state, she has her youthful vigor, and so she seizes the opportunity to use it one more time before she moves on. Before it begins, Rainbow Dash reminisces about her friends in a contemplative manner, talking briefly about how they turned out before she left them. Some have moved on, some haven’t changed, but all five, and even Scootaloo, get some acknowledgement in her mind (with even a mention of PinkieJack).
Rainbow Dash does give the act of attempting the Rainboom some attention, and the style changes from longer paragraphs to short bursts of information, to properly simulate the act. Here’s the last contemplative paragraph and the first few action sentences, for comparison’s sake:
I take that back. It wasn’t fair. I guess I’m just jealous because I never found anypony like that for myself. Doesn’t matter now. They’re happy. Rarity’s happy in Canterlot with that college professor she married, and he’s content to stay in the background while she’s in the fashion mags every single month. I knew that would work out. First time they came to Ponyville after the wedding, and he was all googly-eyed, like he couldn’t believe his good luck.
And I need to start my descent … right about … NOW.
Enough reminiscing. Got to concentrate. Every thought, every last unit of wing power, every breath has to be just right.
Steady … okay, a little faster now.
The style serves the purpose, and more importantly, focus is given where it’s due. With the contemplative paragraphs, they talk about a wide range of subjects, to how they are when she leaves to what they’ve done with their lives, and each character gets a different sort of acknowledgement for a different reason. When it gets to the flying parts, there are no distractions, and as short as it is, it gives it a good sense of energy to go along with it.
I won’t spoil what happens, but I will move on to the last part of the story, where the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and particularly Scootaloo, come into play. Scootaloo does something that won’t be spoiled to acknowledge Rainbow Dash’s presence in her life. Even though it’s something dangerous, she does it because she feels that “[she knows Rainbow Dash] would have done it for [her]. Just once, [she] wanted to do it for [Rainbow Dash].” This part ties in with Rainbow Dash’s attempt to do a Sonic Rainboom very nicely, to the point where the two stories are intertwining for a brief moment before they both move on with their respective lives.
The power that comes with this story, ultimately, is how the Sonic Rainboom is seen. For Rainbow Dash, it’s both a last glimpse of her known life and a sign that she is still capable of doing great things. For Scootaloo, it’s an homage to her hero, an acknowledgement of one of her greatest achievements. The two stories—Rainbow Dash’s and Scootaloo’s—lose their power without the other one, since the relationship between them is strengthened by their being together. The Rainboom ultimately is a link between them in the mortal world, before Scootaloo moves on to live her life, and before Rainbow Dash moves on into the unknown eternity.
There isn’t a wide acknowledgement of setting, the most being a clearing in the Everfree Forest, but this is for the best, since it gives the focus to both the characters and the actions. The effect of the actions in the story aren’t meant to affect the setting; they are meant to affect the characters. There’s a distance between Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo, not only physically, but with the Rainboom (reading the story will make this point clear), and the setting doesn’t affect the setting on a grand scale, but instead serves to briefly connect them even though there’s distance between them. I feel as though describing particulars about the setting would’ve weakened this bond between them, as we would’ve had to worry about how the other characters in Ponyville viewed the Rainboom. The focus is on Rainbow Dash and, arguably even more so, Scootaloo, so the story needs to be as focused on them as possible. Their actions, and not where they are, are what drive the story, and it doesn’t need embellishing.
The pacing is played around with, not only with the style of paragraphs but with the scenes that play out. From the initial request to attempt a Rainboom to the actual act of doing it to the sending off the Scootaloo’s scene help unfold the story, with none of these scenes feeling unnecessary. On top of that, I got the feeling that the ghost-world scenes were paced in a quick-yet-calm manner not only because Rainbow Dash was there and she wanted to get her request done, but also because Celestia was there to help keep everything in an almost ethereal manner. The scene with the Crusaders is fast-paced because of the dialogue and what happened, but they live in the mortal world, and I couldn’t help but feel that the dialogue between them helped the scene be grounded, and not floaty like the ghost-world scenes almost were. I had no problems with the pacing.
Technically, it’s sound. Some people may take umbrage with the fact that a part of the story is written in a blue text; I personally didn’t, but I’m just letting you know about it. There were no glaring spelling errors or grammatical errors, and the style of the sentences and paragraphs flowed nicely.
Overall, “Dead Pony Flying” is a story that’s not only about last requests, but hanging onto life, and observing how life continues on. Rainbow Dash brings an energy to it while imparting some contemplative thoughts in her final moments, while Scootaloo brings a determination to pay homage to her hero. The story is focused on where it needs to be: the characters, without a crowded setting that wouldn’t fit with this type of story. It’s a technically-sound story that plays around with mortality and death without being too dramatic. It’s a simple slice of life about death that abounds with an appreciation for life.
Note: I am willing and eager to improve in these styles of reviews. If there's something you feel I can be doing better, please don't hesitate to tell me.
Other Reviews Of Simple Slices of Lives:
Regidar’s “Time”
cloudedguardian's "Not-So Voiceless"
Garbo802's "Cirrus"
ArcheonZ's "A Moment in the Sunlight"
bookplayer's "Of Cottages and Cloud Homes"
Martian's "Dance"
Thanks. I was trying to see if I could write a straight-up sadfic without having to resort to any actual sadness, and I think I came pretty close -- though, as seemingly always with me, the characters took control and I was left with the simpler task of merely taking notes.
I had been concerned with the portrayal of Celestia, since she's in the position of "I can tell you this much, but no more," a setup fraught with potential peril. Dash at twenty, I'm quite sure, would never have accepted that premise the way Post-Future Dash did at sixty.
1225017 It was Garbo saying you were a good writer that led me to reading your story. I'm glad I did. I hope this was a good-enough review for it; it is a very good story.
1225031
I'm happy to be mentioned in, or by, such company.
Coming up: a blog post of mine, to point to this review.
Don't be afraid to give negatives if they were significant enough. Not to say that this post is the offender, just in general.
I have read this story. I more or less agree with you, though the degree of our emotional investments vary. I was a bit surprised at how many words you came up for the little vignette, so I suspected fluff - but all of the points are sound. Keep at it.
1226712 First off, I'd like to thank you for your kind words and your suggestion. I always fear that I have fluff in here; I'm glad this was not the case this time.
As for pointing out errors in the story, i think I might just do that. When I began these Slice-of-Life reviews, it was in the wake of anger I observed in the fandom, so I made the reviews to have no criticism so people could go and find a story to relax with. Perhaps a quick note on things that might irk readers in the beginning will help, and I can still give reasons to read it.
Whatever happens, I thank you again for your comment.