The Most Appropriate Euphamism I Could Think of · 11:58pm May 15th, 2013
Six ponies sat around the table in Rarity's den, each of them concentrating on the playing cards in their hooves. Fluttershy's ear twitched a bit as she tapped her hoof on a pile of chips.
"... you know," she said carefully, "he's been in there an awfully long time."
The other ponies looked up from their cards in surprise, blinking at the sweet cream colored pegasus. She blushed and sank down in her seat just a little bit.
"He really has," said Rainbow Dash, "feels like it's been months, even."
"Someone should go check up on him," said Applejack.
Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle just turned to look at Rarity. Her eyebrows slowly lowered in a titanic scowl.
"Why does it have to be-"
"Your house"
"Fine! I hope you all get papercuts."
Rarity placed her cards facedown on the table and trotted across the room and down the hall. Pausing at her bathroom door, she took a deep breath, and then very softly knocked. "Friendly Uncle? Are you alright in there?"
Somewhere in the room beyond the door Rarity hear somepony take a sharp breath, followed by a very low, whispered, "Almooooost..."
Then Rarity heard the most obscene noise that had ever emerged from a pony's bowels, followed by a loud splash. The fashionista's jaw dropped in unmitigated horror as the noises continued, almost drowning out the cries of "It's coming out! It's coming out! At long last, it's coming out!!!"
"Friendly Uncle?" called Rarity, "I just want you to know that is absolutely disgusting and I'm going to wall you in there!"
"Bite me, Squiggletail!"
-
Meanwhile, Luna frowned at her sister, who was pointing her telescope at Ponyville, making careful adjustments to the instrument as she attempted to get a closer look at something.
"I only wish to be certain that I understand," said the Princess of the Moon, "the bowel movement is a metaphor for his creative output?"
"Exactly," said Princess Celestia, squinting into the eyepiece.
"... and you are watching?"
"Yes."
"I think I'm going to be sick."
"I want to see what he's doing!" grumbled Celestia defensively. "Come on you friendly asshole, you promised me a love scene with Twilight Sparkle, don't make me come down there...!"
um...
what.
OH GODS, WHAT AM I READING?
The only thing I find out of the ordinary here: How do Applejack and Pinkie Pie hold their cards?
Ok, scratch Pinkie, I know that one myself.
Context please.
~Hearn
1083196
Rule one of hooves-
Don't question the hooves.
Rule two of hooves-
There are no hooves.
Rule three of hooves-
Refer to rule four.
Rule four of hooves-
See rule three.
Rule five of hooves-
Dessert first.
That is all.
And here I thought my day couldn't get any better.
If Rarity walls you in her bathroom, how will you get an new stories out where we can read them with noses held high and clamped shut?
1083196
Prehensile tails.
...okay then.
1083196 I blame tactile telekinesis myself.
At first I was like
imageshack.us/scaled/iphone/822/1362246269780.jpg
But then I
imageshack.us/scaled/iphone/51/1367162095791.jpg
So this are my words of wisdom I would like to share with you, mister Uncle:img341.imageshack.us/img341/7201/1358768440001.png
Huh. The first time i was scarred for life twice by GOOD news.
Damn.
*just plain dies laughing*
1083385>>1083526>>1083378>>1083215
Yes.
to all of the above, just; Yes.
1083196The New princess is Levitating them up to there faces.
What the actual fuck? I just... I don't even...
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So you shat this story out?
Good to know. I thought the stink was coming from something.
Sweet.
Looking forward to your poop-scented
rectumreturn.Your Alive!!!!
Hey btw you should totally submit your fic to the MLP Fan Fiction Documentary 2013.
link
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