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Amy Clockwork

Joined January 2013
66 followers

Writer and Project Lead for Then the Shadows Whisper, FiM Fiction Enthusiast and Reviewer, Lover of Ponies

Mar
22nd
2013

We’ve seen Spitfire shipped with Dash and Soarin so much that ForlanceAbice’s Farming In the Icy Inferno was really a breath of fresh air. Well thought-out dialogue and great pacing really went hand-in-hand when making this very nicely written story. Sadly, every piece of literature comes with its flaws and this is no exception. Farming In the Icy Inferno comes with some grammar errors and suffers with some character issues. Nevertheless, ForlanceAbice crafted a story that won’t stand out to most people but is definitely worth a read. Better formatted review on Google Docs.

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Farming In the Icy Inferno by ForlanceAbice

Incomplete (last updated March 21,2013)

Applejack doesn't have time nor the desire to find and fornicate with some stallion or mare, her duties demanded that she give her all to the future of her livelihood. So she didn't expect anything much one cold morning when a mysterious pegasus crashes into the barn that is undergoing renovation. A very "famous" pegasus to be matter of fact, who flees a most tiresome life, desperate to just settled down and find some simple peace. Both Applejack and this mystery pegasus will find out life is never simple, especially when their fates are intertwined with something most sinister. Read it here.

Tags: Sad, Romance

Rating: Teen, Sex

*Description has been edited due to space constraints

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Farming In the Icy Inferno really stood out to me in regards to pacing. The important plot points never felt like they were “swept under the rug” due to rushing nor did they overstay their welcome. The excellent pacing also helped put a lot of weight behind the events occurring outside of the romance. I found this to be really neat because it’s not something we see too often in shipfics. Sometime it’s these factors that should shape the main character’s lives, not the romance.

Spitfire had a lot of development to her character and it all went very well with the foundation the show already established. I enjoyed seeing her character grow but still “make sense” in a way. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for Applejack. She’s probably one of the weakest characters of the show, but Applejack fell out of character a fair share of times in the story. Especially in the early chapters, Applejack’s caring nature fails to be captured and it sticks out like a sore thumb because of how dialogue heavy these chapters can get.

That brings me to another point: the dialogue flows well and feels real most of the time. Yes, some of it can be cringe-worthy and it does exaggerate the moments when Applejack acts out of character, but the dialogue really shines when things start to get a bit tricky in the later chapters. The conversions are well put together and flow very nicely. The romance does just as nicely. The pace makes it more or less realistic and the dialogue only complements the very well built love story.

Now to the aforementioned issues at hand. The grammar issues might seriously bother some people like myself. I spotted a fair amount of errors throughout and I am happy that Forlance is well aware of the problem. He has post a request for pre-readers and editors and I cannot express how much it would help this story. It’s a shame to have something like this burden this story. The second issue is that scenes are not really visualized well. Dialogue heavy stories cannot forget the importance of scene visualization because of it great effect on mood. A scene by the fireplace is a lot more romantic than say... a garbage dump. Now image a fireplace with a beautiful brick hearth with gentle, slow flames surrounded with aromas of a delicious applepie in the oven. Sorry, I’m really hungry right now. Sets the scene a lot better, right?

Farming In the Icy Inferno is a great story with a few easily fixed problems. Applejack’s character is better expressed in the later chapters and grammar issues look to be fixed in the near future. I enjoyed reading Farming In the Icy Inferno and while there is a lack of scene visualization, the romance is well built with excellent pacing and good dialogue. Those of you looking for a medium length Applefire will enjoy this one a lot. This has been Admujica. I’ll see you guys next time.

Farming In the Icy Inferno gets a score of: 8 out of 10

Worth reading, small issues but great dialogue and pacing that complement a good romance

Read it here.

Amy Clockwork · 137 views · Report

Comments ( 3 )

#1 · 55w, 4d ago · · ·

... Whelp, I tried. Believe me, I did. But it was either that or no story at all. As of it's current state, Applejack isn't exactly well developed... Also, some parts of the development between Applejack and Spitfire have been withdrawn due to....

Let me put it this way. Some of the dialogue and descriptions were so cheesy that...

They were silly, just silly. And I have been looking advice on every site I could find and tagged.

This one lasted at least six months at least. But I'll see what I can do to clean up the story.

It ain't pretty by a long shot, but it isn't garbage.

#2 · 55w, 4d ago · · ·

>>939148 Hey, I had a lot of fun with it. Plus, an 8 out of 10 nothing to laugh at. I really think it was a good story. Keep up the good work!

#3 · 55w, 4d ago · · ·

The second issue is that scenes are not really visualized well. Dialogue heavy stories cannot forget the importance of scene visualization because of it great effect on mood. A scene by the fireplace is a lot more romantic than say... a garbage dump. Now image a fireplace with a beautiful brick hearth with gentle, slow flames surrounded with aromas of a delicious applepie in the oven. Sorry, I’m really hungry right now. Sets the scene a lot better, right?

... I am about as subtle as a brick wall.

However, I have received reviews where another author whom I have recommend has stated that the visualization was actually pretty strong. I suppose it might be due to how developed one's imagination is when reading. For example, if there any missing elements, I usually let my own mind fill in the details while reading, thereby allowing me to enjoy the story without encumbered. Others however, like yourself, seem to have it different otherwise. On this, I pledge to do whatever I can to rectify this problem. It should be noted I have gone through most of these on first draft, first serve basic. I am slowly but surely fixing the more obvious problems within, but...

Ugh...

What I want to know are my strengths and weaknesses. Just someone, anyone, please list them out in a straight forward and detail manner similar to this review. It would be my utmost pleasure to have something to reference when writing future stories. Again, my apologies if I come off as a bland brick. It's just that visual description is... Complicated for me to try and describe. Blame it on my abstract thinking style.

That brings me to another point: the dialogue flows well and feels real most of the time. Yes, some of it can be cringe-worthy and it does exaggerate the moments when Applejack acts out of character, but the dialogue really shines when things start to get a bit tricky in the later chapters. The conversions are well put together and flow very nicely. The romance does just as nicely. The pace makes it more or less realistic and the dialogue only complements the very well built love story.

There is a point to the OCC moments. True, I did go somewhat overboard... But that part had me stuck for a loooong time. Jeez, it took me around around several hours just to come up with it. As for dialogue? ... I never thought I would have managed to nail that down. I am somewhat shocked I actually scored so high in this area, considering I am as anti social as they go. As for the cringe worthy dialogue? ... Umm.... Rarity might have had a hoof in it. (Rarity is the more romantic oriented part of my personality that comes into play... Needless to say, I can just about find a way to ship even the most unlikely of couples and make it work intact at the very least.)

... Well built? Boy, are you smoking something? It is anything BUT that... For the most part. Contrast it to some of the more elite caliber on this site.... Well, this is slosh.

And Applejack? I suppose her behavior... Well, I see Applejack as more of a reserved pony, especially considering that she just discovered something that completely shatters whatever previous conceptions that the farmer has with the Wonderbolt. If you have read up to chapter three, you should know what i am talking about. But I digress. Your review was certainly most helpful, and I would be forever grateful if you could go a bit more in depth in picking this apart with a pickaxe/sledgehammer combo.

Sincerely, Forlanceabice.

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