Ponyfidelity - Monogamy and My Little Pony · 3:26am Mar 10th, 2013
Throughout the history of fandom, shipping has always been a rampant source for controversy. Back during the early days of fanfiction, the term "slashfic" was coined to refer to any socially taboo pairing, referring to the / put between two characters names. Over time, however, it came to be used to refer exclusively to male/male couples, Kirk/Spock being the prototypical example.
These days, of course, it's less controversial than it was back in the 60's and 70's. Indeed, in a fandom like ours, with 90% of the characters being female, it's probably to be expected that the vast majority of shipping is femslash. That's not what this little article is about though. This article is about a much more taboo topic than whether or not particular ponies plunder... okay, no, I'm not gonna go there. Even I have limits on what I'll write in a SFW blog post!
The P's, however, will continue to get a workout. This article isn't about same-sex relationship, but rather about relationships where "pairing" is a rather misleading term – polyamorous relationships. Please note that I use the word "polyamorous," not "polygamous." You see, open relationships of one sort or another are hardly confined to Equestria, and there are certain words that mean certain things.
Polygamy refers to the practice of having multiple marriages, wives specifically. Polyamory, by contrast, refers to the broader phenomenon of "many loves," and doesn't necessarily refer to any sort of formalized relationship.
This is going to be the first in a series of (more or less) weekly blog posts leading up to Midwestria in September, which I'm going to affectionately refer to as "head-canonballs." This week's broadside, as you've probably guessed, is polyamory in Equestria, with a particular focus on forms it might take and my personal head-canon regarding terminology, social reactions, etc.
Now, as a long-term veteran of the fandom trenches (my first fanfic was written slightly over half my lifetime ago), I've seen poly turn up all over the place. Sometimes I've seen it used well, where multiple pairings are explored maturely and the relationship dynamics are treated as serious relationships. Other times... well, I'll get back to bad examples later on.
Full disclosure, and in the interests of convincing folks I've got some right to be talking about this, I happen to be a single individual who identifies as polyamorous (willing to enter into multiple consensual relationships, but currently doesn't have the opportunity.) That meant it was pretty much guaranteed that eventually I'd be writing triads and more if I kept writing ponies; like some folks enjoy writing gay couples because they themselves are interested in that, I like writing poly because I like to see "my issues" represented in fics.
I was actually a little surprised to see poly pony stories cropping up here and there, because normally I'm used to there being one or maybe two authors in any given fandom who write them (myself being one). But ultimately, it made sense to me. More than in almost any other fandom, the herd nature of real-life equines makes a reasonable argument for it.
Real-world herds of horses (and most other equines, bovines, et al) tend to group together in 'harems' where one male has multiple female mates. Therefore, it makes sense that you could see a similar structure in Equestria. That's even more reasonable when you look at the apparent gender bias in Equestrian society, where we tend to see vast numbers of females for every male. So, given a lack of other evidence to suggest otherwise, it was easy enough to explain as being anywhere from unheard of, to practically universal.
That, of course, changed when S2E17 (Hearts and Hooves Day) hit. That episode gives us a massive explosion in the male population, albeit apparently one that only blew up for a day or two. More importantly, one line from Scootaloo cements that monogamy is the norm; "Yeah, his girlfriend sure thinks so." Now, yes, I think we all knew that if romance ever cropped up in the fandom, it would be the serial-monogamous standard that we're used to in the modern day. But those six words make it clear that having a girlfriend makes you an unsuitable partner for another mare.
Which, given the normal male/female bias we see in Ponyville, could be argued to suggest that Ponyville is either a largely lesbian colony or one filled with ponies who just aren't into romance, but that's a subject for another day!
What I'm getting to is that S2E17 makes it clear that non-monogamous relationships had to be unusual. Now, fortunately, my poly ponies had been pretty quiet about their non-traditional relationship, so that still fits. So that was helpful, really. It's something that I've usually done, though there are some occasions in my original stories where I treat it differently.
But what would the history of poly be in Equestria? I'm going to go into more about my own, personal, Equestrian history in future articles. But for now, here's the brief version:
In the past, polyamory was much more commonplace than it is today. Indeed, technically, it's not even illegal or anything, just uncommon compared to monogamous pair-bonding. Some groups were fairly relaxed about it, with lovers coming into the group and leaving as feelings waxed and waned. Others were more strict about their particular rules. Rather than establish a "one true path" to true love, our little ponies instead came up with a common language for how to define each other:
Lovers are a pair that share a physical or emotional intimacy; some lovers are married, some aren't, but that gets more into the specific terms for legal status. Lovers can stop being lovers without any problems that they don't bring into it themselves; a breakup usually hurts, but it's just that, a breakup, not a divorce.
A spouse (plural: spice), on the other hoof, is somepony that you have a legal bond with. You've entered into a contract that is legally binding, witnessed, and usually comes along with a fancy ceremony and party, though not always. Divorce is the same sort of messy business it is in our world, sometimes made even more complicated if a closed triad breaks only along one line, making it really, really awkward to try and share your life with your spouse, when their other spouse and you don't want anything to do with each other.
Prenups are pretty common in pony society, and remain so despite the shift towards monogamy. And there are spouses who aren't lovers; they've simply found the legal arrangement convenient, and are sticking with it, or have broken up, but can still take each other enough that they don't want to go through the rigmarole of a divorce.
However, on the way up to the level of "spouse," there are different levels of commitment, and ways to refer to the ponies in your life.
Marefriend/Coltfriend: Dating casually, but not exclusive by any means. Usually implies not having decided to become lovers yet, and being in the "getting to know you" phase of the relationship.
"Very Special Someponies": A gender-neutral term for "going steady." These days, once you're VSS's, you've generally agreed to be exclusive, though not in all cases! For example, in The Diva, The Dray, and the Divebomber, Chapter 1 (NSFW!!!!), Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow all considered themselves Very Special Someponies, and would have used that term for each other if pressed on the topic. (The story shall henceforth be referred to as the Triple-D universe.)
Harem-mates: You each have an intimate relationship with a shared pony, but don't really have anything going on between the two of you. In my personal headcanon, when Pinkie hooked up with Cup and Carrot Cake, she and Carrot were harem-mates with each other; their backstory is that Pinkie joined them romantically because she and Cup forged an emotional bond that progressed on to a romantic one, and Pinkie and Carrot fell in love with each other at a later point in time. If anypony would like to see that story written, let me know and I'll see what I can do!
Husband/Wife: Pretty much what it says on the tin - you're hitched, go forth and enjoy yourselves! In modern Equestria, it's normal for this to be an exclusive relationship, though some ponies are less fixated on it.
Herd-Husband/Wife: This is a poly-pony specific term, again. It's similar to being harem-mates, but it reflects a much more committed relationship to the central pony. In addition, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's no relationship with each other, just that it's not necessarily at the same level. After Chapter 2 of Triple-D, Rainbow and Rarity are herd-wives to each other, with AJ as their central lover. None of them are officially married, but their relationship with AJ is stronger than just being Very Special Someponies, more like being engaged. (Or married without a legally binding ceremony, to be specific, but that's specific to the three of them.) Rainbow and Rarity, however, aren't quite at that extra level just yet. Some day, maybe. At which point, if they were to get hitched, they'd just be each others' wives.
I could go into a lot of detail about "relationship geometry," with triads, vee's, and other configurations, but I'm hoping to do a panel on this sort of thing at Midwestria, so I'll save myself some material for then. I'll just close up with the a few words about how to completely screw up a story about a poly relationship.
The fastest way? You forget this cardinal rule: An open relationship is not a license to cheat. Just because you're in a non-monogamous relationship, it doesn't mean you get to go out with anypony you please, and it certainly doesn't mean that your partner has no right to complain about you going out and foaling around!
An open relationship of any kind is predicated on communication. It doesn't mean that there isn't jealousy, and it doesn't mean that jealousy is treated like a failing on the part of the jealous partner. It means that jealousy, like any other relationship issue, is acknowledged and handled together, as a team. It means that you've got rules about who you can or can't play with, and that you try to follow them. It means that, sometimes, you make mistakes and slip up. It means that, sometimes, you fight over money, or over who gets which side of the bed, or who gets up to take care of the foals.
But hey - isn't that what we're here to write about?
If you're looking for more information, I can't recommend any book more highly than Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. A close second would be The Ethical Slut, but that book was written back in the '70's, and the ol' counterculture superiority complex kinda shows.
So - any questions?
I've read a few stories with Herd-Based relationships before.
One thing that I could never figure out is if it's multiple females to a male, or multiple males to a female.
Admittedly, I've only seen the former written, but I'm not sure which one is accurate to real world equines.
I'd also like to differentiate Herds as opposed to Harems, because the only difference I see is in the level of emotional/physical affection.
I took a totally different tack, but that is pretty obvious. I took the gender percentages and got my yuri on with gleeful abandon, inventing both social respectability for lesbian love and socio-legal scaffolding for produsing foals that are theirs in all the senses that matter. "Herding" is a crime and has been for centuries as a reminder of the dark days of Discord and the blood cults. Only Earth Pony Separatists and Objectivists are the sorts to do it. The only exceptions are the Princesses. They are serially monogomous. A line I have not yet used but likely will sometime is, "I will outlive you but I will never stop loving you." But that is just me.
905382
Well, generally, I think it's multiple mares to a stallion in the wild. The gender imbalance we see isn't really all that uncommon in wild horse herds, from my understanding, and that's part of why. Like a lot of species, the males tend to get a bit rough trying to protect "their girls."
On the other hand, with sapient ponies, that becomes less critical... and I'm inclined to say that, for *most*, gender doesn't matter. Applejack's herd in the Triple D universe is a little different story, but just because AJ's following a slightly different, much more traditional ruleset.
As for differentiating between herds and harems, yes, there is that. Of course, some ponies just prefer the term "herd" because it has fewer unfortunate connotations than "harem" can. Not that some cultures don't still widely practice having harems; Saddle Arabia, for example.
905408
Oh, definitely, and nothing wrong with that. Heck, it's pretty much how modern Equestria works. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were a much more typical family before Pinkie came into their lives, but I think that can be said of anypony who knows Pinkie.
And hey - if your universe is a more monogamous one, I'm hardly going to downvote a fic on something like that. Heck, I love your universe, particularly when Luna gets to go Ye Olde Insults on ponies.
905603
So it's safe to say that Herd is to Harem as "Lady of the night" is to...well, you know.
906121
Well, more like "non-traditional relationship" is to "swingers." Not *quite* the same sort of social stigma.
Of course, if you want to handle it otherwise in your material? Feel free! :)
I have other comments but I am on my phone which hates this site so much it crashes the browser repeatedly so just a quick one
If you like Ye Olde Screaming Luna look in on my story "The Long-Eared Temptress." She has a damn good scene of taking the Blueblood out of Blueblood and later waxes rhapsodic about the theater.
905603
Now, for a more proper reply on my own take.
I first just described the standard Equestrians (Ponies, Donkeys, Cows, along with Diamond Dogs and now Changelings) The only divergence is Seaponies (Merae) as invented by my collaborator Kipakuta. Mera just don't get married and engage in casualphysical inimacy for the sake of keeping closeness in the cold and wide oceans. But they are only just technically Equestrian, as the oceans are rather wide and hard to rule.
Buffalos, while having bachelor and bachelorette herds are monogamous and pair off into co-ed herds when they are ready. Zebras are mixed-gendered in their tribes, but very, very prominent members, chief/tesses and shamans are allowed more than one wife or husband (Zecora in my stories is noted as being the daughter of a mare with several husbands).
Griffins are... a very unique care. Besides being stratified along clan lines (Based on the eagle type) the males are very dominant. Men are not only allowed but encouraged to have multiple wives. This can suck a lot because inheritance is based on the principle of primogeniture, which can leave a lot of hens and chicks screwed. And if a hen is firstborn there can be a lot of legal wrangling to get it to the eldest male. Now, thanks to the long time of its existence and the fact that they really, REALLY love Equestrian trade money, the Kingdom is slowly changing. The current High King is working to dismantle some things, and they have already done a few "Fine, fine, we'll change" things, such as not having official penalties for male homosexuals (individuals can go vigilante, but if the news gets into Equestria, the Griffin constables suddenly turn into NCSIS:LA:NY:MI:LV to find and punish the offenders, which is generally life imprisonment.) They are also trying to destigmatize "Egg Grabbers" (lesbians) and give hens more rights. There are even suffragette organizations such as Fianna Bean and Fine Bean, with various levels of activism and/or moderate violence depending on need. The Griffins are changing, but it's like pulling teeth, essentially.
No. Polygamy is multiple marriage partners regardless of gender. Polygyny is specific to multiple wives while polyandry is multiple husbands.
953623
I stand corrected, and blame an anthropology professor who never could get the two straight for my lapse in vocab.