Pony Kisses · 11:53pm Feb 3rd, 2013
The reason G1 is better than G4 and will probably always be the best G of all pony Gs, even after we've had G5: This Time It's Personal, G6: Pony Blood Rites, G7: Total Pony War, and G8: Pretty Pony Zombie Slayers, is because G1 has all the makey-outey.
Long before there were Bronies, there was this guy.
For the record, unlike all the shippers on this site, I am not dropping innuendos or interpreting screenshots out of context. That is really, totally, actually, honestly a dude kissing a horse. Well, okay, in the end, their lips don't quite touch, but still, they're going for it. In the G1 episode "Through the Door," the pony Heart Throb, who is a romantic both hopeless and incurable, sings one of G1's numerous ear-offending musical numbers, this time about the hunk she hopes to meet and fall in love with. Her imaginary beau approaches her near the end of the song, and . . . HE'S A MAN, BABY! Like, literally. Heart Throb digs hominids.
Shortly thereafter, her dreamboat really does show up and starts putting the moves on her. He then proceeds, over the course of the episode, to mack on most of the other ponies at Paradise Estate. Best scene ever? Hitting on sea ponies.
Also, regarding his colored eyelids, I don't know why, but G1 always connects masculinity to eyeshadow. It's like, the more eyeshadow a dude wears, the more of a hunk he is.
Now, having poked fun at this little tale written, perhaps not coincidentally, by the same guy who wrote the Transformers episode "The Girl who Loved Powerglide," it's only fair to point out that this is all tongue-in-cheek. Its target audience of small children and people who don't sexualize absolutely every last damn thing they possibly can probably think it's pretty funny. I think it's pretty funny. I'm laughing at that picture right now.
But this dashing buffoon isn't the only one in G1 who's out to liplock horses. Take Megan. Please.
When you kiss a magic pony, it sparkles.
Megan's looking a little different here because this is from a commercial spot with a brief animated segment apparently outsourced to a different company from the one that does the cartoon. That's Megan kissing Sundance, the pony her doll was sold with. The yellow smudge in the middle is deliberate: pony kisses apparently produce sparks. That probably hurts, and that's why it's important to close your eyes.
And, of course, Megan is an equal-opportunity kisser:
She smooches lizards, too.
But do not despair! Thanks to the bewilderingly massive line of G1 toys, you too can kiss a magic pony. Year ten of G1 saw the release of the three Sweet Kisses Ponies: Kiss n' Tell, Candy Kisses, and Kiss n' Make-up.
After Candy Kisses learned her special talent, she wasn't allowed to attend any more high-class events.
These toys were made with that heat-sensitive color-changing stuff that used to be popular before they found out it was giving kids cancer or something. I used to have some Hot Wheels cars that would change color when dunked in warm water. For a while, they even made T-shirts out of the stuff, but those quickly fell out of fashion when people discovered that the heat-sensitive fabric would produce embarrassing outlines of their bodies. (Those shirts probably belong on some list of world's dumbest inventions or something.) Anyway, these Sweet Kisses Ponies have color-changing lips. When you apply their "lipstick," their lips turn red, and then when you kiss them, the red disappears. So you're not just simulating kissing a horse. You're simulating sucking enough horseface to take the horse's makeup off. Also, you're simulating putting makeup on a horse, and that's pretty weird.
But really, actually, it's not. Well, okay, the Sweet Kisses Ponies are weird. There's no getting around that. But the rest of it isn't. Everybody likes kisses from fuzzy animals. Take, for example, Sampson the therapy pony, who kisses people in hospitals and nursing homes. They say it feels like sandpaper, but Sampson nonetheless makes everybody happy.
Apparently, Sampson is going into the Animal Hall of Fame for his work. I didn't even know there was such a thing.
Wow.
790913
And how!
790922 The 80s were something else man.
790930
I believe the Sweet Kisses Ponies should bring us into the 90s if I rightly understand the timeline.
Oh the eighties, what a decade! Thank the Gods I was only born in the 80's, I'd be so embarrassed to have actually have recollection of it.
Rumour has it that humans may be involved in season 4 so we may yet see this sort of thing in our time. (not that I disapprove, mind)
790956
Oh, that one has to be just a rumor.
I wouldn't have minded humans in the show if they'd had them from the beginning, but tossing them into season 4 sounds like a total shark-jumper.
790966
And the Twilicorn hullabaloo isn't? But yeah, I hope it's just the internet speculation/ rumour mill.
790993
As I understand it, Hasbro filed a patent or somesuch for some dolls. That's too little to lead us to the conclusion they're tossing humans in. It could be an Iron Will doll. Could be unrelated to MLP.
What I want is a theatrical film (though the Flash animation is unsuitable for that, so they'd have to change the style and that would make the fandom go ballistic again) in which Megan comes back and blows away monsters with the ponies, but that won't happen.
791002
They could do it with CGI maybe in the same style? That would be cool. And yep, seems to be pure speculation at this point. An Iron Will or even a Spike would be sweet!
That's…not that far off, given the era in question. This is the decade that gave us the band Poison, after all. This is when Hair Metal originally comes from.
And with this blog post, Mr. Davidson takes his place next to Dusty as the manliest brony alive.
I should note however that taking screenshots out of context is too much fun to give up.
EDIT:
I just looked up those T-shirts. They were called "hypercolor" - and they made swimsuits too. Now that was a terrible idea. (NSFW warning on googling that.)
791002
Uh... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Flash_animated_films Yeah.
*sigh* I can't wait for the day when Pinkie Pie gives one of her friends a "Bugs Bunny-esque lesbian kiss. And I could totally see that happening, considering that The Hub is airing The Animaniacs. Even if I didn't think idea was adorable, watching the internet explode afterwards would be amazing.
I used to have one of those. It was so cool. Then a wheel broke.
Anyone want to bet on how long until A Mighty Demon Slayer Grooms Some Ponies devolves into
sloppysparkly make outs?791129
I'm afraid I don't have quite enough eyeshadow to be one of the manliest Bronies alive. And I couldn't grow a manstache to save my life.
791188
Chapter six.
791170
Hm. Interesting. How many of those were theatrical releases? (Hunger Force, being deliberately bad, doesn't count.)
I do not even
Flash might be unsuitable, but have you seen Meander in Disney's "Paperman?" Computer animation seems to be at its best when animators can easily reach in to the pipeline and fix the 10% where computers still get things wrong. Because then you get to harness the 90% that's right and actually end up with more time for fine-tuning.
That's what dhx has figured out with G4 and Puppies. They're animating on the cheap, sure (so was G1, no?) but they've learned to be damn efficient with the computer. I'd love to see them apply a proper cinematic budget to Flash.
WAT.