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  • Monday
    The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Thingy Things

    I saw the new Hobbit film! Yeah, that was a thing. If you like a 2 hour fight scene, then this is the film for you! There was a lot to like but I found myself clock-watching quite a bit during it. Can you guess which are real spoilers and which are hilarious fake ones:

    Smaug dies in the pre-title sequence

    They accidentally film a page of Peter Jackon's fanfic from when he was 12, when Gandalf is rescued by the X-Men teamup of Galadrial, Elrond and Christopher Lee who must fight the Ringwraiths! Radaghast turns up late, having popped round the back to get the car (his rabbit sled). Then Sauron turns up and they have to fight him too!

    Christopher Lee does kung-fu and somersaults everywhere

    Thrushes talking to people is silly and so was removed from the adaption. But ravens talking to people is perfectly fine.

    The orcs team up with the sand worms from Dune

    Legolas has gained the power to defy physics and can run up falling masonry in midair.

    Orcs and goblins are literally made of paper. It is not unreasonable for one character, even a peasant, to cut through 50 of them in one go.

    The chief orcs have 1000 hit points and are practically invincible. Thankfully they stay nowhere near the battle.

    Bard just vanishes from the film about 3/4s through, but not before he has SURFED ON A CART TOWARDS A MONSTER!

    Thorin gains the ability to spawn fully armored battle goats using only the power of his mind

    Radagast saves the day by summoning eagles and air-dropping Beorn at the attacking Orc army. This is so efficient we don't even need to see the army be defeated, we can just assume it is.

    Beorn, the shape changing bear guy, is only in the film for five seconds. His actual role in the story is given to Legolas.

    There are only four armies

    24 comments · 181 views
  • 15w, 3d
    Rise gets 5th place!

    The results for the EqD contest are in! Rise came 5th out of 109! Not bad, not bad at all!

    That means I am a winner and as I am in the top ten, I get some art too! Yay! What art that will be, who knows! I'm very happy about the placing though!

    Go read it if you've not yet!

    10 comments · 228 views
  • 17w, 2d
    BUCK 2014 Fanfiction Panel

    Hi guys and gals!

    BUCK is coming up this Saturday, and is very exciting (if you are going, that is!). Even more exciting than that is that there will be a FANFICTION PANEL starring all your favourite people (and me).

    If you are going to BUCK, please come along and say hi! It will be at 11am on the Saturday morning, more details here:

    Joining me, will be Knighty, Scribbler, Arcanium, Greatodyer and Metaphor

    (You may remember that Scribbler did some amazing readings of some of my stories, and Arc decided Scootaloo sounded like a pirate for our Fimfic charity livestream. I certainly haven't forgotten!)

    Come on, how amazing does that sound! If you're at the con and don't go, your life will be full of tears!

    (No idea if the panel will be filmed and put online, I don't think so, unless anyone is planning on going along with a camera!)

    4 comments · 202 views
  • 17w, 6d
    'Rise' has, uh, risen

    I am a machine! A pony machine! It turns out that after a few weeks of scraping out a few hundred words on another story, the threat of a deadline on this one got me there with time to spare!

    Yup, 'Rise' is now complete, and actually within the word limit. The response has been amazing, and so I really hope it doesn't disappoint. Some of you might be upset it is a self-contained story (though it was always going to be, and the ending was the first thing I thought up). I may return to this idea though, and I have no problem with anyone else wanting to riff off it!

    I ended up above a thousand words above the word limit. Fimfic's word count isn't as accurate as gdocs, but it was still a bit much. I ended up removing some minor bits, but also the firefly section. I will leave it below, and might drop it back in after the contest has finished! So uh, sorry if you liked that bit!

    Something caught her eye. A flicker of light above the enormous entranceway to the castle. It was fire in a jar.

    No. Misty narrowed her eyes, looking closer. She started to storm toward the entrance, a new sense of determination rising. It wasn’t fire. With a leap she rose into the air, ignoring the screaming of her sore wings as they took her closer and closer to the jar.

    It was sitting on a ledge above the door, sending gentle light all around. It wasn’t fire though. She pressed her face against the smooth glass, watching the trapped fireflies within, circling their tiny prison.

    “Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of there!” she whispered urgently, looking this way and that in case a pony should see what she was up to. When she was certain the coast was clear, she hefted herself onto the top of the jar, which seemed to be made out of metal. Despite the obvious join, she could see no gaps in the top. She tried using her sword to pry it apart, but nothing would budge.

    “Damn pony magic!” she cursed, sinking down beside the jar in defeat. She watched her pained reflection, illuminated by the streaks of light from within. An idea formed in her mind; she slowly stood up and hefted her front limbs against the jar. “Okay, little buddies! Hold tight!”

    Straining against the glass, she hefted as hard as she could. It began to scrape against the ledge and then started to violently shudder and topple. Misty fell forwards as the jar launched itself onto the ground, barely managing to not fall herself. Below her, it exploded into a thousand shards of crystal that lit up as the fireflies danced free, soaring into the black of the night and vanishing amongst the stars.

    Misty smiled. She had done it. She had struck a blow against the ponies the like of which had never been seen before. It wasn’t enough though. Winter was still coming. But there was something the ponies didn’t know. Misty was coming for them.

    Now to finish Seapony story!

    5 comments · 307 views
  • 18w, 3h
    EqD Prompt Competition Madness

    Okay guys, I have put everything on hold in a frenzied attempt to actually write a story for the EqD Outside Insight Summer Fanfic Contest. I have posted up what I've done in order to shame myself into finishing it. Another 5k by tomorrow... it's doable!

    Actually, my worry is that it will be too long, as the limit is 15k. But then I guess you all still get a bonus story, so everyone wins!

    Let me know what you think!


    It is about Breezies, but EVEN SO give it a go!

    5 comments · 221 views

As you know, I'm really into the new XCOM game that was released late last year. I even wrote a fanfic about it, XCOM - Equestria Unknown, in which an XCOM team went to Equestria and died horribly because they are awful. Of course, I am a far better player than that, such things would never happen in my games.

As a bit of fun, I decided to make an all-pony team in my latest game. I'm playing the Classic Ironman version, which is difficult plus you can't reload if it goes wrong. All decisions are final! After a disastrous mission on board an alien battleship where I lost most of my best soldiers, I thought "What the hell, let's go pony!"

Here we go! All your favourite characters, now with big guns! Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Twilight are support class, Fluttershy is the heavy, Rarity is the assault and Pinkie Pie is the sniper. I also gave Pinkie Pie my one archangel armour so she can fly (in retrospect it would have been funnier if that were Twilight, ho ho) while everyone else has to make do with a mix of titan armour for extra protection and skeleton armour for extra dodging ability.

Weapons are a mix of laser and plasma, so these bad boys should pack a punch! The aliens won't know what hit them! That's XCOM, baby!

Aliens are attacking Moscow and we need to stop them! This is a terror attack mission which means that somewhere on the map are 18 civilians which the aliens are trying to kill. You need to rescue them, or at least one, or the country it occurs in pulls out of the XCOM project and all the other countries in the continent panic.

Operation Twisted Fog? That doesn't sound so bad! It's not "Bloody Death" or something. It'll be fine!

Okay, straight away we have a horrible situation. This is not a good map. I have had some very bad experiences on this map which I do not wish to discuss.

The aim is to rescue civilians. Unfortunately there aren't any nearby, so we're going to have to push in quite deep if we want to rescue the requisite one to not fail the mission. Unfortunately there's only half cover to protect us, and most of the cover is cars. Cars tend to explode. Meanwhile the aliens will be on the roadway, which is high ground thus giving them better cover and aim, and lots of places to hide behind.

I have had some very bad experiences on this map.

I decide to push forwards and fan out. The best way to do this is to run two soldiers to each furthest edge of the area you are moving to. This reduces the likelihood of discovering aliens on the last move of your turn. As this is a Terror Mission, you can mostly expect Chryssalids (scuttling things which lay eggs in your face), Floaters (they fly) and Mutons (big guys with big guns).

Fluttershy and Rarity take the lead as they have the worst aim, while everyone else holds back. Straight away we uncover two Heavy Floaters. This isn't good, because Heavy Floaters can fly, have powerful weapons that can kill you in one shot, heavy armour and grenades. This means they need to die quickly.

Unfortunately, this is what I'm dealing with here. Yeah. 7% to hit. With no-one on my squad able to shoot worth a damn, no skills like suppression to keep them in check, and no hope to kill the aliens in one turn, my choices are to hunker down (which increases my defense), take some shots, or go into overwatch (which makes them shoot if the enemies move, but if the enemy can see you in overwatch, they won't move, they'll just shoot at you).

I take a mixture of these depending on where people are, and lay down a smoke screen.

Then three more Heavy Floaters move into view. That's five Heavy Floaters together. I don't think I've ever seen that many!

With the odds against me, I need to get rid of those floaters FAST. Fluttershy brings the pain with her one rocket, and uses it to explode the cars the floaters are hiding behind, murdering one and severely injuring the other. Just uh, ignore the body of the civilian being flung into the air by the explosion. It's war! These things happen!

My main mistake this mission was to put Pinkie Pie up in the air. Snipers are excellent in Archangel Armour if they have the Squadsight ability, which means they can target anything anyone else can see. If they don't have that, they can't hit much, and putting them in the air just means they're easier to shoot. So the alien move results in everyone shooting Pinkie Pie, until she falls from the sky, mortally injured.

I decide to use Twilight to save Pinkie with the team's sole medpack, and then everyone else brings the pain on the Heavy Floaters! Pew pew pew! The odds are a lot better now!

...And then these guys show up to the party while I'm trying to mop up the floaters. Because I'm an idiot I ran Rarity forward for an easy shot on one of the Floaters, which uncovered these fellows. A Sectopod, which is a gigantic tank with huge lasers and missiles which can fire twice in a round, and two Drones, which have their own weapons, but can also repair the Sectopod. God. Damn. Look at those red bars. Those are its armour. God. Damn.

So Rarity takes her shot at the Floater, because she's out of movement points, and is stuck in front of the giant death machine! The Floater still has one health point left, but hey, that's what friends are for, and Applejack makes the kill.

"HAY GUYZ!" says the Sectopod. "COME OVER HERE, IMMA HAVIN A PARTY!" So two more Heavy Floaters turn up out of nowhere. If you are keeping score, these are not good odds.

Rarity survives the Sectopod's shot (which also blows up the car she's behind) so I decide that my theme will be 'pull the hell back'. I start to move everyone back to hopefully limit the number of enemies I have to fight.

What I forgot was that the Sectopod has a ridiculous number of shots, and can make shots and then go on Overwatch. When I tried to pull Rarity back further, the Sectopod used its overwatch shot to blast her! Rarity was mortally wounded and needed a medkit to stabilise and save her life, or she would bleed out within three turns. Unfortunately I WASTED my medkit on Pinkie Pie. Rarity's only hope to survive was that I could kill all the aliens on the map within three turns.

Spoiler: That's is very unlikely

How will I pull this terrible situation out of the fire? Can Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack save the civilians and defeat the aliens? Keep watching to find out!

UPDATE: The rest of the mission can be found here

Blueshift · 2,630 views · Edited 97w, 5d ago · Report
#1 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

...Is this being updated during play or?

#2 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·


After-action report!

#3 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

I also gave Pinkie Pie my one archangel armour so she can fly (in retrospect it would have been funnier if that were Twilight, ho ho)

#4 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

>>785310 Ah, always loved the X-com games and this one did't let me down....until I played it on Ironman Impossible....ah panic mission you're so

#5 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

game pulling out the hax?

Hax it back with backhax!

#6 · 97w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

Sending all squaddies to a terror mission after naming them all after ponies?

You sadistic bastard, Blues :raritydespair:

#7 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·


Don't worry Vimbert, I am expert XCOM commander

#8 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·


>implying skill means anything when the game decides "OH IMA DROP A TANK ON YOU K"

Before this is over, somepony will die.

I'm hoping Rarity.

#9 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

You'll win by fighting harder.  How do you fight harder? Play this

on an infinite loop. But beforehand, you gotta get all super pumped up an' shit,

like so. Go all super-tryhard and you just might not lose Rarity. Here's a tip:

get more of these.

Oh, wait. That only works in real-time games, not turn based games... going into tryhard mode won't help you there...

Author Interviewer
#10 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

That Pinkie is hilarious. My sides.

#11 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

I get it.  You employed Pinkie as Sniper because, like any sniper worth their multibillion-dollar rifle, her aim bounces all over the place.

A correction at the end:  Rarity's only hope is for Twilight to gain alicorn powers and bring her back to life, hopefully not as a zombie.

:twilightoops:: You know, I bet this could have been avoided if you brought all six soldiers.

:ajbemused:: ...

:twilightblush::  Oh, eheh, I guess he did.  Sorry, Southern-stereotype OC.

#12 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·



#13 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·


Yay Chryssalids! :pinkiecrazy:  They're like Changelings, only you die!  Twice!  And kill your  squadmates in the process!

#14 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

And to think, I kept you alive all throughout my Ironman Impossible playthrough.

#15 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

Y u do that to humanized poni?

That is worz dan Autumnout Equesrtia.

#16 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

I hate that damn map

#17 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

what is your steam name (if you have one)?

#18 · 97w, 5d ago · · ·

Chryssalids (scuttling things which lay eggs in your face), Floaters (they fly) and Mutons (big guys with big guns).

Pretty much sums up what they are.

*Sees the Sectopod picture*


A Sectopod, which is a gigantic tank with huge lasers and missiles which can fire twice in a round, and two Drones, which have their own weapons, but can also repair the Sectopod.

Yep. Got to hate to see them. New or old. They are strong.

"HAY GUYZ!" says the Sectopod. "COME OVER HERE, IMMA HAVIN A PARTY!" So two more Heavy Floaters turn up out of nowhere. If you are keeping score, these are not good odds.

Heavy Floater: 7

Sectopod: 1

Drone: 2

Zombie Makers A.K.A. Chryssalids: ?


Not good.

#19 · 88w, 1d ago · · ·

When I first read this post, I had no idea what XCOM was, and was in fact kinda incensed that you wrote some wacky story about it instead of something I could truly enjoy.

But last weekend, I saw this on sale on Steam, and remembered that you said it was fun. So, I bought it.

I emerged from my cave yesterday, an experienced Assault Colonel, plasma rifle in one hand and a Sectoid Commander's head in the other, dog tags of my dozens of fallen comrades hanging around the collar of my Titan armor, eyes alight in a psionic fury. And now, I truly understand this post.

... Did you really send a group staffed by Squaddies for a terror mission? I only do that when I feel like re-enacting the Marine-slaughtering scene from Aliens, and when I feel like roleplaying, I just rename what good soldiers I do have. Even with the best gear, you just gave a special name to this group of redshirts.

Still, as Dwarf Fortress taught me, failing is fun!

#20 · 88w, 1d ago · · ·


Glad you have been sucked in to defending the world!

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