More Blog Posts132

  • Sunday
    Discord's Fantasy Island Sim

    - - - - -

    I approached the Fantasy Island sim, hands in my pockets. I stopped short, and raised my hand up briefly. It shook, and I withdrew it.

    "Problem, Captain Monkeyshines?" Asked Discord. I started, and looked over my shoulder at the chaos god. I shrugged.

    "Yeah..." I looked back at the field, at my subtle reflection in it. "Nightmares..."

    "Hm..." Discord looked up at the star lit night with a nod. "I guessed that..." He chuckled. "So... What do you want to know?"

    I wanted...

    "I want to know... If I'd still have made the same decisions if..." I took a deep breath. "If I thought I lost them... Any of them."

    Discord hummed. "Sure you want to give that a whirl? Might not be pretty."

    I steeled myself. "No... But... Ya know... Since I'm here and all... Seems a shame... Probably won't be that bad..." I didn't meet his eyes. Discord nodded.

    "Of course... Go right in," he said with a smile.

    I nodded, and stepped into the simulation field...

    - - - - -

    "Andrew!" Twilight cried as she galloped into the chapel. "Andrew! Everypony, listen! Chrysalis is-!" She stopped short as she beheld the scene. Changelings were being laid out, and covered with blankets as were ponies. In the center of it all was Chrysalis... Or what was left of her. She'd been smashed, burned, blown to pieces. She could only tell it was her by... By...

    She heard Cadence throwing up behind her, and she couldn't blame her foalsitter. She stepped uneasily into the chapel, and looked to the nearest guard. His eyebrows shot up.

    "Miss Sparkle! You're alive!" He cried. "We all thought-He said you were-!"

    "Who? Who said I was... I was..." She saw the bullet holes in Chrysalis's carapace, and she knew. "Where is he?"

    - - - - -

    It took some time, but she found him. He was sitting on the roof, tears running down his cheeks. When he saw her, his jaw dropped and his eyes lit up.

    "Twilight!" He cried as he wrapped his arms around her desperately. "Oh thank God, I thought-I thought-!"

    "I-I know... I know," Twilight said softly. "I'm not... But..."

    "But?" Andrew asked, drawing back. Twilight frowned.

    "Those Changelings... Did you... Did you have to...?"

    Andrew slowly looked out at the horizon. At the damage done to the city. He clenched his fists. "I..." He bowed his head. "Twilight... If I lost you..." He looked up slowly with a fearsome gaze. "If someone... Took you from me... They wouldn't live long enough to regret it."

    Twilight said nothing. She just rested her head against his shoulder, and tried not to shiver when she thought of his eyes.

    - - - - -

    The threats grew more numerous to Equestria every day, it seemed. The elites in Canterlot demanded protection. Demanded that the Demon Slayer, Andrew the Human, be unleashed. And so he was, sent to destroy raiders, and monsters, and hostile beings. Each time Twilight argued with him, each time she petitioned Celestia, but the invasion had made them all frightened. Celestia was reluctant to get Twilight any more involved-She didn't want her beloved student to see that darkness...

    Each time she nevertheless waited for him. Carrying his child, she greeted him with a smile. And each time, the coldness in his eyes lasted a little longer. The battles waged stayed inside him, the horrors...

    "I'm fine," he insisted each time. "I'm a human... We slay dragons and monsters... It's what we do..."

    Then he came back... And it wasn't him at all. And she didn't realize it, too late, until the carapace was exposed and the bomb set off. The Changelings took revenge for their losses, and Andrew came back to Ponyville to a crater in the ground and weeping friends and family.

    And on that day, Andrew E. Shepherd asked the grieving Princesses for the power to keep this from happening again. And they, in their grief, granted it.

    The Dark Shepherd rode, all of Earth's old technology made available to him. All of Equestria's magitech. He destroyed the Changelings. When the Dragons threatened Equestria, he slayed them to the last and enslaved the survivors. The Everfree Forest was burned and brought down, all the creatures and wonders within destroyed. The Diamond Dogs did not escape his wrath, nor did the Griffins when they failed to rein in their raiders and barbarians.

    Equestria became an Empire, built on peace and strength. Ponies prospered, under the sword and gun of their human Lord. Whom even the Princesses seemed unable to say no to.

    And Equestria was peaceful. The ponies learned to ignore the haunted looks on their neighbors when they had been taken by the Shadowbolts. They learned to salute every poster. They learned to keep their complaints to themselves. And they learned that the greatest kindness they could know from Lord Shepherd was to be left alone.

    For it was safer for anyone, ANYONE, to throw themselves into the jaws of a dragon than it was to arouse the fury of a Human.

    - - - - -

    I staggered out of the sim, pale, sweaty, and trembling. Discord watched me with a little smile.

    "So... How was it?" He asked.

    I responded by throwing up on the ground in front of me, and passing out.

    - - - - -

    7 comments · 164 views
  • 2w, 1d
    Paris Attacks

    My brother was in Paris during the attacks. He's safe, but I didn't know that for a few hours. So you can imagine how frazzled I am.

    11 comments · 114 views
  • 2w, 3d
    Request for Help for a Friend

    I updated Hands once more, so hopefully you'll feel more kindly disposed towards me. This is a request for help for my friend Micah Fernandez. He's in serious financial trouble thanks to a degenerating disease of his nervous system, and desperately needs help.

    If you can't spare any money to help my friend, please share it as far as you can. Micah is a fellow nerd, and a good friend. He needs all the help he can get and I ask-I beg you, spread the word if you can't donate any money. Find someone who can help, please.

    3 comments · 173 views
  • 3w, 3d
    General Update on Life

    I've got a job I love, albeit only part-time for now. Teaching kids after school so they can actually learn something without being made to pass meaningless tests for teachers to get raises.

    And I joined the Northern Colorado Ghostbusters. So I'm busier than ever.

    9 comments · 99 views
  • 3w, 5d

    *Another day, and another attempt by the Caribou Empire to impose their rule onto Equestria... While Shepherd and Discord are playing a board game*

    Discord: Roll for initiative!

    Shepherd: That's not how the rules work-

    Discord: They do now.

    Shepherd: *sighs* Exactly why do I keep playing with you when you're just going to change the rules in mid-game?

    Discord: Because you love me... And Fluttershy made me godfather of your child. I have godfather rights!

    Shepherd: Those also don't exist and you can't make them up.

    Discord: Ah! Your child isn't even born yet, and you're already becoming No Fun. Next will be Dad Jokes aplenty.

    Shepherd: No, someone just needs to be the straight man. You're far less funny without someone to bounce off of... Not that you're very funny now...

    Discord: Oh! You wound me! *Clutches his heart, which bursts into confetti made of gummy worms* It's all going dark...!

    Caribou Leader: DISCORD! LORD OF CHAOS!

    Discord: Eh? Who are you?

    Shepherd: *sighs* These guys again?

    Caribou Leader: *Looking rather humbled, along with his diminished guard* Ahem... We seek your power so that we may subjugate Equestria and bring the females their rightful place and pleasure as the Horned God intended!

    Discord: ... *Looks over at Shepherd* What'd he say?

    Shepherd: *Bored* He wants your power to bring a sexist order to Equestria where all mares are sex slaves.

    Discord: ... And... Why would I do that? *Tilts his head*

    Shepherd: Got me.

    Caribou Leader: Silence, Monkey! I am discussing things with the Lord of Chaos! You have no place here!

    Discord: ... So anyway, I have my forces attack Gum Gum Crossroads... *rolls his dice* Aha! I get to pull a bonus card!

    Shepherd: Damnit... Well, good thing I saved this defense card. I play "Mobile Fortress!"

    Discord: *rolls* ... Damnit!

    Caribou Leader: *Eyebrow twitch* Did... Did you not hear what I said?!

    Discord: I did. I'm not interested.

    Caribou Leader: What?! Why? You sought to bring chaos and destruction to the world-!

    Discord: Ah, but that was the old me. This is the new me, with some restraint! I mean, Monkey Boy here provides balance! After a while, pure chaos just gets dull. Gotta have new ideas, bounce ideas off solid walls!

    Shepherd: If you turn me into a basketball again I will hurt you.

    Discord: See? And death threats! That can actually be carried out! I never expected a mere mortal to pull that off! His pony friends with supreme magic power, sure, but the monkey consort? That was unexpected! That wasn't boring... *Grins* And now he's got a bundle of joy on the way that will carry that unique bit of monkey chaos and I'm her godfather! Why would I give that up?

    Caribou Leader: We would give you as many sex slaves as would satisfy your appetite... And the Monkey would be your eunuch!

    Discord: ... *Glances back at Shepherd* Eunuch?

    Shepherd: *dryly* He wants to chop off my genitals because he's threatened by them. I dunno, I try not to get into his head too much. It's creepy.

    Discord: ... HA! *shakes his head*

    Caribou Leader: You... You laugh at us, Lord of Chaos?!

    Discord: I do... You see, in the old days, when I encountered someone as boring as you... *Grin* I'd have made their lives super, super interesting. Using my powers to impose order on the beings I like? Boring! *nods* But thanks to my newfound restraint, I decided to just ignore you!

    Shepherd: Truly, he has grown.

    Discord: But now I can't really ignore you... I mean, the threats of enslaving and raping my friends were bad enough... But then you had to go one step further. *Reality twists like a blender, as the Caribou are shrunk to the size of ants as Discord towers over them with a gleeful smile*


    Caribou: OH GODS!

    *Shepherd watches the chaos. He sips his cider, and looks back at the game. He scowls at one of Discord's pieces trying to move*

    Shepherd: I saw that... Get back to your space.

    *The piece pouts, but complies*

    17 comments · 247 views
  • 6w, 34m

    Damnit... I think I know what's wrong with Hands. The entire Rover plot just... ARGH! I feel like I've just been extending the story past it's natural end point. I just keep pushing it and pushing it due to fan demand! Now I know how Sir Arthur Conan Doyle felt... I mean, aside from being rich and famous.

    So with that in mind, I'm thinking of just excising the whole thing... Unfortunately all that comes to mind are short parodies of other, shitty MLP fics:

    For example...

    - - - - -

    *The mighty Caribou Army appears in Ponyville*

    Caribou Leader: Mares of Equestria! No longer will you rule over your male betters! You will all be rendered sex slaves and broodmares by the mighty Caribou Empire and-

    Shepherd: Oi! Buddy! Move! *driving a truck* I have to get out to the Sweet Apple Acres Farm with this delivery or I'll-! *Caribou Magic flips the truck over. Shepherd manages to crawl out before the Caribou crush it* ... Okay, what the fuck?!

    Caribou Leader: You! Ape! You will have no rights in the coming era! You will be castrated and your hands removed!

    Shepherd: ... Uh... Huh. And I presume my arms, too?

    Caribou Leader: Yes!

    Shepherd: Well then... *Pulls his rifle and opens fire* COME AND TAKE THEM!

    *Not expecting guns, several of the Caribou fall to rifle fire... Until the leader uses his magic to crush the weapon and toss Shepherd into a tree. He then pushes his head into the river, and pulls him back*

    Shepherd: *gasping for breath*

    Caribou Leader: Have you learned some respect, monkey?

    Shepherd: *cough* Oh... No! Maybe it's back down there, could you check for me-URBLE GURK!

    Caribou Leader: *hisses* You are spirited, for a broken male.

    Shepherd: *coughs* Broken...?

    Caribou Leader: Yes! You let your females run all over you! They would welcome our domination, the natural order of things!

    Shepherd: ... Did you base your society off of John Norman's Gor novels? Well I guess not, seeing how with the armor and all, you're obviously too embarrassed to show off your pecs-MURPH GURGLE!

    Twilight: What the-LET HIM GO!

    Caribou Leader: *Snorts* A princess! You will kneel before us... KNEE-*Is tossed through several trees, as Twilight quickly examines Shepherd*

    Twilight: Are you all right, Shepherd?

    Shepherd: *coughs* Yes... Think so... Quoting the Big Lebowski while someone is trying to drown me... Probably not a good idea...

    Twilight: Who are these guys?

    Shepherd: Caribou, apparently. They think I need to be turned into a eunuch cause they're threatened of both women who aren't slaves, and men who aren't assholes...

    Caribou Leader: HA! Hide behind your weak female, fool! She will betray you for our embraces!

    Shepherd: Wait, if I'm hiding behind her doesn't that mean she's stronger than me?

    Caribou Leader: YES! You pitiful male-!

    Shepherd: But being male, I'm supposed to be inherently stronger than her in your books, right?

    Caribou Leader: ... Not if you do not realize it-

    Twilight: Except he's choosing to accept that I am stronger than him, not out of an inferiority complex but because that's how we are as individuals! And it doesn't affect our relationship because we love and respect each other!


    Shepherd: *dryly* Ah. Spoken like someone who has never talked to a woman in his life.

    Twilight: *nods sagely* It's rather sad.

    Shepherd: Why do I keep expecting the misogynistic deer men to make sense...?

    Twilight: Because you're hopelessly optimistic, love.

    Shepherd: Oh yes, that's right.

    Caribou Leader: ENOUGH! You will fall to our mighty PHALLIC SYMBOLS and serve us as PROPER females do!

    Shepherd: ... Uh huh... *Looks to Twilight* You want to handle this, or shall I?

    Twilight: I did save the world the last time.

    Shepherd: We saved the world.

    Twilight: *pats him on the back* It's not a competition!

    Shepherd: Then stop keeping score! All right... Ahem... *Screams loudly and bloodcurdlingly* OH GOD! PLEASE, HORRIBLE CARIBOU MEN! DON'T CHOP OFF MY HANDS AND MANHOOD!


    Shepherd: And three... Two... One...

    Caribou Leader: Wha-*FLUTTERRAGE IMPACT!*


    *And an animal army shows up to make the rest of the "Unstoppable Caribou Men" flee squealing in terror*

    Shepherd: ... Huh! I think I learned something important today... But for the life of me, I can't figure out how to put it down...

    Twilight: Why not start with "Dear Princess Celestia" and go from there?

    Shepherd: ... Dear Princess Celestia... My marefriends kick ass.

    Twilight: *blush* You sent that same letter five times already!

    Shepherd: It's still true!

    17 comments · 356 views
  • 16w, 6d
    Incommunicado for a While

    It's been nuts. Trying new jobs, switching between them. Preparing for my GREs. Trying to learn new skills in Photoshop and the like. And writing... Writing no longer holds the same appeal for me. Something gives my fingers pause. I don't know what it is.

    But until I figure it out, I'm officially on hiatus. Call it a sabbatical. I thought you guys deserved to be told this rather than wait and wait forever for my next update.

    7 comments · 144 views
  • 21w, 1d
    Independence Day 2015

    7 comments · 119 views
  • 29w, 5d
    Happy Cinco De Mayo!

    For the occassion, my spider has donned a sombrero courtesy of Phucknuckle.

    As for writing? Hands is going to be on hiatus for a while. My muse got back into anime recently. Sigh. I'm sorry guys.

    Ponies will ride again though. They always do.

    5 comments · 117 views
  • 34w, 15h
    Happy Easter!

    A happy Easter to you all. Whether you believe in Jesus or not, I wish you a wonderful day and a reminder of the message: That it is always darkest before the dawn, and hope is not a curse but a promise.

    My newest avatar is courtesy of PhucknuckL: I thank him and readily suggest you give his stories a shot. See what you think!

    Now, in other news: My Pony writing is on a break right now, as I'm focusing on my Powerpuff Girls fanfiction. But not to worry: I have a few shorts on the way. Nothing for my larger fics though-I need to rethink a few of them, Hands in particular.

    4 comments · 109 views
  • 38w, 3d
    Happy Birthday to... Me!

    Again! Turning twenty-nine. Just thought you'd like to know.

    24 comments · 171 views
  • 41w, 3d
    DoomPieNetwork is Back Online!

    Want more of my fanfic "Hands"? Well, it's taking a while for me to write it again due to my demanding new job. But the DoomPieNetwork has got you covered: Reading and recording the story with a new voice actor, new effects! And same lack of care you've come to expect from my stories.

    In the meantime, let's see if I can make Shepherd selling insurance interesting...

    3 comments · 234 views
  • 44w, 4d
    Having a Roommate: More Interesting Than You'd First Think

    And also more complicated.

    It helps we're both Bronies though.

    That said... I'm still playing this every so often just to annoy him:

    As for the Pony stories? I have it all outlined. At this time, it's just a matter of finding the motivation to get it done.

    4 comments · 161 views
  • 47w, 1d
    Emergency Request!

    As I said in a previous blog post, my friend Sage of Toads is moving out to Colorado to start college. He will be my roommate. He just needs a little extra cash to pay for the flight here, and some money to use before his financial aid kicks in. Look: If twenty people are willing to give five bucks each, he will be set. That's all I ask.

    Please. He's a Brony, and a friend, and I can't do this on my own. Please.

    6 comments · 201 views
  • 47w, 2d
    Start of the New Year

    My best friend Sage of Toads is moving to Colorado to start college! He's going to be my new roommate!

    But he could use some extra cash for the trip, and until he gets his financial aid. So if you can spare some cash via Paypal, please do so. He helps me write plenty of smut for you guys to read, after all.

    So send some spare cash here:

    For your reading pleasure, enjoy the Abridged version of The Doctor Who Television Movie:

    And for those of you who are inclined towards smut, have some more stuff!

    Raw and unedited, but still sick and twisted for you perverts. Enjoy!

    5 comments · 139 views
  • 47w, 4d
    Happy New Year!

    Let's make this year better than the last, shall we?

    6 comments · 129 views
  • 48w, 4d
    Merry Christmas To All

    And to all a good night. Enjoy your holiday, whatever you believe. Take heart in the hope and life, even in the dead of winter.

    8 comments · 160 views
  • 49w, 4d
    Hu's on First

    This just happened entirely naturally with a friend.

    FishStampede: Huh. So Belle's last name is French.

    talon: ... Yeahhhh.

    talon: It's set in France.

    talon: She's French.

    talon: Would be a bit unusual.

    talon: If it was otherwise.

    FishStampede: I mean it's French.

    talon: Yes...?

    FishStampede: Yes what?

    talon: Kiss her arm then.

    talon: If its French, what is it?

    FishStampede: That's it.

    talon: What's it?

    FishStampede: French

    talon: Yes, I get that, what IS her name?!

    FishStampede: No, her name is French.

    talon: Yes, I get that, but what SPECIFICALLY is her name?!

    FishStampede: I already told you!

    talon: You didn't! You told me her name is French!

    FishStampede: Exactly!

    talon: ... Let's try this again.

    talon: Belle, of Beauty and the Beast, has a name.

    FishStampede: Yes

    talon: A first name.

    talon: And a last name.

    talon: Her first name is Belle. What would be her last name?

    FishStampede: It'd be French.


    FishStampede: No, her first name's Belle!

    talon: No, her first name is French, therefore her last name must also be French since she is French so what is it?!

    FishStampede: Where did you get the idea her first name is French?

    talon: It IS French!

    FishStampede: No, her last name is French.

    talon: Well what is it then?!

    FishStampede: I keep telling you!

    talon: Tell me what?!

    FishStampede: Belle's name is French!

    talon: YES IT IS!

    FishStampede: Good. We're in agreement then.

    talon: Good!

    FishStampede: ..what'd we just agree to?

    talon: I have no idea.

    9 comments · 254 views
  • 50w, 3d
    Paypal Issues Resolved

    So if you'd like to send me some cash, you may do so now. Guh, I hate banks. Thank you so much.

    0 comments · 116 views
  • 50w, 6d
    Orion Launch Video

    Not posted until now because... Um... I was lazy.

    14 comments · 167 views

*Andrew, Twilight and the gang trot up to a large set of empty fields where Celestia sits calmly sipping tea and doing some paperwork, while Discord idly stands nearby*

D: Well FINALLY.... I thought we'd never get this show on the road.

Twilight: *pointedly ignoring Discord* Why did you want to see us princess? And Andrew to.

Celestia: I wanted you all to help me witness a ... test case of a proposal Discord gave to me a few weeks ago.

RD: What kind of proposal?

Celestia: a Idea he had after watching some more human stuff that came through to Equestria

Rarity: More human made items... it seems there flow into Equestria has really increased....ever...since... Discord was


D: *whistles innocently*

Celestia: *Dryly* Quite... anyway he spent a good weekend watching some Human made entertainment program called Fantasy Island and its....'remake'?

*Andrews eyebrows raise and he gains a thoughtful look*

Andrew: Yeah I can sort of see how that setup might appeal to the Chaos Master here.

AJ: Chaos MAster? Ya know I heard Big Mac call him that to.

Andrew: Lets just say he insists we call him that during our game sessions. *under his breath* can't believe he sicced a pack of Gazebo's on me in the middle of Mordor just because I called him a normal GM instead.....

Twilight: Yeah we'll get back to your strange male ritual of bonding later Andrew

DIscord: Oh, going to discuss that stallion Dusk Shine crashing the party a few weeks ago?

Twilight *HUGE blush*: LATER.... explain Fantasy Island NOW Andrew.

Andrew: A old TV show basic premise is a guy ends up on a Island that he can't leave, but while upon it is pretty much GOD. So he sets up a travel agency where people come to the island to live out there fantasy or wish. anything goes.

RD: Maybe its just my imagination... but granting peoples wishes doesn't seem very chaotic to me.

Andrew: Well there is a catch in the old saying 'be careful what you wish for', and here is where Discord has his fun. Often what you dream about has consequences or causes you never considered and might not be prepared to handle. In the show the plot was driven as the vacationers 'fantasy' tended to spiral out of control.

It Generally ending with the wisher learning some valuable life lesson or truth about themselves, sometimes sweet sometimes tragic sometimes silly. Chaotic. Plus there was always the odd irredeemable wisher who got some ironic comeuppance.

Discord: you see! A little chaotic outlet and one that can provide a net benefit to those willing to learn a lesson!

Celestia: It also struck me as a potential method for discord to explore the consequences of actions, now that he is exploring the magic of friendship. So we agreed on a test case today. With myself and the elements of Harmony observing while i do some minor paperwork.

*Andrew suddenly looks suspicious*

Andrew: I'm going to be the test Subject aren't I?

D: Oh no my dear boy... we actually already have a volunteer!

*Suddenly a adorable young colt trotted up dressed up in a pirate outfit*

Twilight: Pipsqueak??

Pipsqueak: Ahoy! Miss.Sparkle I'm going to get to play Pirate today!

Rarity: Pardon me Princess.... but are you sure its wise to have such a..... young one be Discords test subject?

D: oh relax! I'm not going to hurt the little scamp. *Discord snaps and a translucent wall appears before them* My little foray has SOME safeguards in them... heck it even has age filters so that if anypony decides to get a little risque young pip here won't even hear or see a thing ;)

*As they chat young pipsqueak is prodded through the wall and they all see the field disappear into a picture of the open seas with a pirate galleon floating with young pipsqueak running about, as well as other blurred pony like bodies sailing the ship and doing nautical things.*

Andrew: I see you retained the basic nondescript form for NPCs in this. I assume anyone who goes through your barrier is transformed to a nautical theme outfit and role?

Discord: more or less.. depends on your costume and self image, plus a little bit of random chance.

Twilight: Andrew! How can you be so calm! Pipsqueak is in there alone at Discords mercy!

Celestia: Not quite alone...

*as they watch the captains cabin opens and Luna emerges in pirate captain attire 'note to self insert image here'*



Mane six: O_O

*none notice Andrew smirk and leave the area*

D: Well that appears to be my cue. Do enjoy the show Princess, FLuttershy, and the rest of you.

*discord suddenly ports out of there and suddenly a small fleet of ships is seen approaching Pirate Queen Luna's vessel.

All of the vessels are manned by mini-discords wielding wooden swords. At the helm of the lead ship is a full sized Discord dressed up in a French admiral uniform. After spending a dramatic moment posing he speaks

(And thanks to the magic of chaos his words can clearly be heard by those outside the field and those aboard Pirate Queen Lunas vessel clearly despite the apparent distance between them all.*

Discord: HO HO! At long last Pirate QUeen luna! I Monsieur Discord, admiral of the Discordance navy have you now! Surrender and tell us where the treasure lies and perhaps we shall merely imprison you in the Bastille!



*For the next half hour Celestia calmly enjoys her tea keeping one eye on the show, the other doing some work. While the Mane Six watch riveted at the old style sea battle taking place... Pirate queen Luna and pipsqueak managing to sink several, including one where they boarded and defeated the crew in swash buckling antics before setting the ship afire and escaping. Until finally*

D: AH HAH! I have you now Pirate Queen Luna! You and your first mate will tell me where the treasure is buried and then will hang for your crimes!!! HO HO!

Fluttershy: Oh no! his ships have her surrounded!

Applejack: I reckon, Pipsqueak and Luna are doomed to be prisoners

Twilight: *Narrowed eyes* you two are really getting into this aren't you???

Pinkie pie: What? its a great show! Although it looks like the end for the pirates :(

*back with the ships*

D: Surrender!


D: Than prepare to

*Out of nowehre one of Discord's ships is sunk by a fusillade of apple-fritter cannonballs*


*out of the fog emerges a 40-gun Royal ship. Standing on the Bow in full royal English admiral attire, petticoat blowing in the breeze is.*

Mane 6: ANDREW!!!!

Andrew: Belay that command Discordance PIGS! I Sir Andrew, Admiral of her majesties fleets am here to aid the noble Pirate Queen against your dastardly ambitions! IN the name of God, Princess, and Country stand down and surrender! Or prepare to be sent to Davy Jones locker!

*outside the simulator Twilight screams out*


*Inside Andrew pauses out of character and turns smiling*

A: Hey it sounded like fun!

D: If i can interrupt? *Back in hammy 'admiral voice'* VILE EQUESTRIAN DOG! Noble Discordance will NEVER give in to such a backwards nation that doesn't even have any fine cheese!

A: *Also back in Hammy admiral voice* Than let your fate be upon your heads! MR. Spike hoist the flags of war!

*as he turns to prepare for battle, Sweetiebelles head pops up from behind the ships steering wheel




*Outside Rarity and Applejack fume at seeing their sisters dragged into this. even if they do seem to be having a ball. As for Rainbow Dash...*

RD: You know it ain't no Wonderbolts, but I got admit Scootaloo looks kind of awesome in that getup. Pass the popcorn PInkie?

PP: oh sure!

Celestia: are those changelings as the generic crew?

*Chrysalis strolls up and sits down to watch*

Ch: Well it was either this or the CMC were going to try to put on something called the 'CMC bill nye the science guy cutie mark ' scheme. I figured if they were in one of their destructive moods, best to have it AWAY from my hive.

C: Quite... tea? *pouring chrysalis a cup and hovering it over which she takes

Ch: thank you *Sip* Interesting taste. New blend?

C: Just got imported from Neighppon last week actually...

*Twilight stares bug eyed at the two, not noticing that the Mane 6 has become the Mane 5 as one of them has snuck off as well.*

Twilight: Has everypony gone CRAZY!!!

AJ: Ah heck Twi, it seems harmless enough. just sit back and enjoy the show.

R: indeed. these discordance ruffians don't stand a chance now that my sister is there to aid Pirate Queen Luna!

*The group watches as the battle turns again, Andrew S.S. CMC and PIrate Queen Luna's ship turning the table on the discordance fleet. While a fog bank moves in.*


AB: That's Port Scootaloo...

Sweetiebelle: are you sure? I thought it was starboard...

Scootaloo: maybe the forecastle....

Andrew: ~_~;;; Mr. Spike Where is the unknown ship exactly?

Spike: RIGHT BESIDE US! *Gulp*

*Andrew turns in time to see a pink colored ship move into boarding range, and can only blink as a hoard of squirrels and one white rabbit swarm aboard and gang rush him*

A: Wha... mmmph....Mmmmph!

*within a moment Andrew is hogtied and gagged,than carried to the unknown ship... where the captain appears on deck, her yellow Pegasus wings stroking the bound Andrew as she looks on smugly.*

*back outside*

Twilight: WHAT!!! FLUTTERSHY????!!!

*back inside*

Fluttershy: Ah I hope its not to tight.. I mean! You are now the captive of the Dread Pirate Pink Tail! My prize of conquest, at the mercy of my every whim!

Andrew: o_O

*outside Celestia and Chrysalis calmly watch as a low whistling sound comes from a steadily reddening Twilight*

Chrysalis: 100 bits says she doesn't last 5 minutes

Celestia: I have faith in my student. You are on!

Twilight *Utterly focused on the show and missing the above betting*: WHAT ARE YOU DOING FLUTTERSHY??? The schedule clearly shows that this Weekend is MY alone snuggle time with Andrew!

*Inside FLuttershy breaks character and looks through the invisible wall to comment*

FS: Well yes... Old Fluttershy would follow the schedule.... But I'm the Pirate Pink Tail! And pirates don't follow rules and schedules! They TAKE what they want!

*Andrew finally undos the gag as Pink Tail's ship disengages and flees into the fog*

A: Don't I get a say in this....

FS: Oh no Sir Andrew. you are my prisoner. Helpless to object or resist the Dread Pirates Pink Tails demands! and my demand is simple.... *Fluttershys voice turns into a purr* You're....going... to... LOVE ME!...

Andrew: O_O;;;

*Celestia idly notes that the CMC and Pipsqueak look a bit confused and are complaining that they couldn't hear the dread Pirate Pink Tail's last comment*

Celestia: well at least Discord was honest about the age filters...

Chrysalis: yes but I do believe the real show is with your student...

*Twilight steams and suddenly blows her top*

T: THAT'S IT! She's not getting away with this! Come on Girls!

*Twilight charges towards the barrier with Pinkie pie skipping along. Rainbow Dash shrugs and follows... but Rarity and Applejack*

AJ: I reckon I should sit this on....woah!

R: Really Twilight it is unbecoming of lady to-aaiiee!

*Mid complaint both are surrounded by twilight's magic and telekineticly yanked through... the 5 of them appearing on a new vessel*

Twilight: We must save Sir Andrew! The Equestrian Trading Company has suffered enough at the hands of Pink Tail to let this latest offense stand!!

*the rest of the mane six look at their outfits*

AJ: What in tarnation! I didn't sign on for any puffy ruffly shirt!

Rarity *Dressed in a fancy lady outfit*: Hmmm.. not bad, the corset is a bit much but otherwise a adequate ensemble for a cruise.

PP: Oh boy! Party cannon loaded and ready!

RD: Ah man! I wanted my own ship *Turns and spots a nearby discordance ship in between them and Andrews Ex ship* Hmmmm... I wonder....

*meanwhile outside*

Celestia: just ten more seconds Twilight.... you couldn't hold on...for 10 pony loving seconds?

Chrysalis: *Ahem* I do believe you owe me

Celestia: Yes yes, just let me run to the bank and make a withdrawal.

*Celestia grumbles some more as she trots off to the bank to get some bits to pay off her bet with Chryslis ...20 minutes later she returns*

Celestia: Here....

Chryslis: thank you, supporting a hive isn't easy you know....

Celestia:*glancing at a lot more ships moving around in random, several ponies digging up some islands, and a half dozen sword fights on others.* what I'd miss?

Chryslis: Well Scootaloo defected from the Equestiran Empire ship to join Rainbow Dash when she took control of a Discordance ship and went off to look for treasures, than Diamond Tiara showed up as head of the Dia-quistador fleet with part of Miss Cheerlies class, although a few of the foals have joined the other factions as well. Including a couple captaining Discordance ships for some odd reason.

The Manticore showed up a few minute ago, just swimming around and making noises like a clock, Don't ask me Why.

For a while there was a Dia-quistador and Discordance alliance against the Equestrian empire and the Equestrian trading company. But than DIscord stabbed them in the back in order to plunder the Mayan golden cookies they were escorting after a consultation session with Voodoo shaman Zecora... so now its a bit of a free for all in there.

Celestia: Sounds confusing...

Chryslis: oh no things didn't get confusing until the Black Mailman ambushed Pink Tail, and captain Derpybeard and firstmate DItzy stole Andrew from her. Allegedly because he knew where the last Aztec Muffin was that they needed to lift the curse on them. leading to a semi-alliance now between Pink Tail and the ETC as they pursue.

Celestia: Whats with the blue phone booth on board the Black Mailman.

Chryslis: beats me. I just know the doctor got yanked out of it and was put in ragged torn clothes, to serve as Derpybeards cabin boy.... Well after Pirate Queen Luna managed to rescue Andrew from the Black Mailman, unknown to the Equestrian Trading Company and Pink Tail.

CElestia: I see....

*as her interest drifts a small window pops up showing Pirate Queen Luna's ship, Pip cheerfully sailing along as Luna heads into ships cabin where Andrew lies. Celestia suddenly smirks and casts her voice suspiciously loud, while windows of Pink Tail and Twilight's ship pop open. The Two Ponies ears perking up at hearing her voice*

Celestia: Although I can not see WHY my dear sister needs to be in Human form to tend to Sir Andrew's injuries... especially since they seem to be just some strategically placed cuts and tears on his uniform. Or for that matter why her pirate uniform seems to have lost some decollage as well...

*Celestia looks incredibly pleased with herself as Luna, Pink Tail, and Twilight all screech in response. *

Pink Tail & Twilight: WHAATTT!!!

PQLuna: TIA!!!!!

*Twilight's and Pink Tail's ships suddenly violently change course to chase after Pirate Queen Luna's vessel. As Pipsqueak still unaware of events above PG rating happily tries to elude them. Chrysalis outside the field turns to Princess Celestia, idly noting that most of Ponyville is either watching various swashbuckling adventures, or entering the simulation zone to particpate directly by this point. Chrysalis shakes her head at the impromptu festival the event has turned into before addressing Celestia *

Chrysalis: You know that was quite Evil of you princess. I didn't think you had it in you

Celestia: Well I AM her big Sister, its part of my familial duties and all. Now I do believe I see the Cakes bringing a assortment of goodies for the watchers. Shall we sample there fare while discussing what other interesting twists we might add to the show?

Chryslis: You know i think I like this streak your showing, yes lets...

- - - - -

Just a bit of fun since the next part of the real chapter is taking longer due to my transition to a new job. Don't worry though, the whole story is plotted out and outlined. Its just a matter of writing it out.


Report Andrew Joshua Talon · 1,914 views ·
#1 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

You should post this as a bonus chapter. After the Wedding concludes. :twilightsmile:

#2 · 147w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

this, all of it, is wonderful :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::twilightsmile::yay:

i think this needs to become an offshoot series all its own :trollestia:

#3 · 147w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

This.  This right here?  This is sheer brilliance.  Perhaps a whole side story could be "Discord's Fantasy Island"?

#4 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

*snerk* Most amusing.

#5 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

Bucking awesome.  :raritystarry::heart:

#6 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

>>761768 This plan... I LIKE IT!

#7 · 147w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Hehehe that was real fun to read

#8 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

The Rivalry - Running Wild

Reminds me of when I used to be in the Goonswarm in EVE Online. That was fun.

#9 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

:rainbowderp: This....needs to be continued! It's magical! Moar, l say! :flutterrage:

#10 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

I require more of this. I shall pay you in moustaches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#11 · 147w, 6d ago · 2 · ·


-Front of the ship opens up, revealing a huge cannon-


-Releases a gigantic blast of pure energy-

#12 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

This. Was. AWESOME!:yay::trollestia:

#13 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

Awesome :rainbowkiss:

#14 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

So much effing WIN.

This should be a chapter. OR something. I dunno, it was just made of awesomite refined and alloyed into solid awesometanium.

Ye need some Authentic Scottish Pirate Metal to go with it!

#15 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·


#16 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·


#17 · 147w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

this quite literally turned my mood from this::pinkiesad2: to this::pinkiehappy: i would read a whole story just of this

#18 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·


....I mean, quite. :yay: Why isnt this a chapter or story on its own. And the premise of using Fantasy Island as a theme is pure genius and I feel that if you ,my friend, are to venture this path with the theme and make it a standalone/spinoff. Well, I would read every part of it. So I beg of you with Fluttershy here...

YEAH~!!!!!!!! :yay:

#19 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

Now that was awesome.

#20 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

Pipsqueak: "where out of ammo captain Luna" *looks at cannon then Luna*

think we all know where im going with this:pinkiecrazy:

#21 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

I see no reason not to flesh this out and post it as either a bonus chapter or non-canon side story. Such glorious piratical chaos!

#22 · 147w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

Make it a Story! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Not a chapter added to a story, not a chapter just outside of a story. A whole new story!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

Nuff said. :yay:


#23 · 147w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Absolutely none of anything up there made sense. I loved it. :pinkiehappy:

#24 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

>>761866:rainbowkiss:SO FKING AWESOME!:rainbowkiss:

#25 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

Okay, now I have no idea just what the fuck is going on here, but I'm going to follow you for more

of these freaking hilarious blog posts!!!!

And the Manticore as the crock form Peter Pan, fucking priceless!!!

#26 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

im so very much confused by the events that have occurred today :rainbowderp:

#27 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

First I :rainbowlaugh:

Then I :rainbowwild:

And now I :rainbowkiss:

#28 · 147w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

I think we all in consensus for this to be its own story.

#29 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·

Most entertaining!

#30 · 147w, 6d ago · · ·


#31 · 147w, 5d ago · · ·

thus, the RPG was brought to Equestria :rainbowlaugh:

#32 · 147w, 5d ago · · ·


Actually if you pay close attention to the beginning of the omake, you'll note that it implies RPGs already are in Equestria. And that Discord runs a regular gaming session as GM. And while regular D&D is fun, lets just say when he runs a Exalted campaign  things really get awesome.

Actually there are several in jokes in the omake you really need to read the Spacebattles Hands thread to get.

#33 · 147w, 5d ago · · ·

Luna just got blocked!

#34 · 147w, 5d ago · · ·

Grammar errors everywhere, but holy hell that was hilarious.

#35 · 147w, 5d ago · · ·


Well the grammar is because of the omakes editor

I just don't know what went wrong....

#36 · 147w, 2d ago · · ·

Will you ever finish Progress?  Also, is this based on hands?  I figures hands woulda been about Lyra. . .  I think I might like this.

#38 · 138w, 1d ago · · ·

Thou has garnered all of my love for this.

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