Stories7

  • E Progress

    58,495 words · 14,132 views  ·  1,613  ·  35
  • E Doctor Whoof: First Impressions

    Every new companion has a first impression of the TARDIS, regardless of the Doctor.
    1,546 words · 3,946 views  ·  183  ·  2
  • T Pony Tales: Belle Runner

    Even in a world of magic talking ponies, weirdness exists...
    14,080 words · 1,667 views  ·  119  ·  2
  • E Vale Decem Equis

    A Doctor Whoof take on the last scenes of "The End of Time".
    3,572 words · 2,688 views  ·  117  ·  2
  • T A Twilight and Trixie Story

    Just a bit of fun with the Twilight and Trixie shippers. Please don't kill me.
    2,021 words · 4,452 views  ·  222  ·  8
  • T Hands

    A slightly more realistic take on the "Human in Equestria" story concept.
    133,238 words · 51,979 views  ·  3,751  ·  251
  • T A Prince of Mars

    The prince of Mars returns to Equestria to catch up on what his sisters have been up to.
    6,454 words · 2,589 views  ·  188  ·  17

More Blog Posts108

  • Saturday
    Hands Next Chapter at 90%

    This is going to be another change up in style for this series: A bit more serious, and telling things from the side of Earth post-Changeling War. But it will also introduce something crucial for Andrew Shepherd: A link back home.

    And thus, all his embarrassing exploits can at last be related back home.

    3 comments · 68 views
  • 2w, 5d
    "Hands" Now Available in German!

    Thanks to the extremely talented Wolfiewonk90!

    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLI4gZQkQr4JjezdfKFkYIhUXPo2mZxup6

    Give him props and danke!

    3 comments · 66 views
  • 2w, 6d
    If You Like My Work Enough to Pay Me

    I'd appreciate that as I'm currently between jobs. I have to wait on callbacks from several job interviews I've done, but a little extra cash would be nice.

    Donate Here

    Hell, I'm working on a comic version of one of my fics right now and some cash would help get that done.

    6 comments · 122 views
  • 3w, 1d
    Hands Chapter Twenty-Eight (Revised) is Up!

    Took me a while, but I finally finished the updates! The definitive Chapter Twenty-Eight is up and running now! Go check it out and tell me what you think!

    3 comments · 235 views
  • 4w, 1d
    Big Thanks to Don Kazim!

    http://www.whatthebuck.it/la-biblioteca/twilight-and-trixie-story/

    Don Kazim's wonderful team translated a Twilight and Trixie Story into Italian! That was awesome!

    And if anyone else would like to translate any of my stories into another language, you are free to! I encourage it!

    And just in case you think this is just to praise people making me more famous... Well it is. But it is to also offer an announcement:

    I've got a new story coming out. My second mature fic, written with the Ero Sennin. It's a bit... Vanilla compared to a lot of other things on this site, but when debauchery is the norm, vanilla can be nice.

    2 comments · 102 views
Jan
28th
2013

*Andrew, Twilight and the gang trot up to a large set of empty fields where Celestia sits calmly sipping tea and doing some paperwork, while Discord idly stands nearby*

D: Well FINALLY.... I thought we'd never get this show on the road.

Twilight: *pointedly ignoring Discord* Why did you want to see us princess? And Andrew to.

Celestia: I wanted you all to help me witness a ... test case of a proposal Discord gave to me a few weeks ago.

RD: What kind of proposal?

Celestia: a Idea he had after watching some more human stuff that came through to Equestria

Rarity: More human made items... it seems there flow into Equestria has really increased....ever...since... Discord was

freed..

D: *whistles innocently*

Celestia: *Dryly* Quite... anyway he spent a good weekend watching some Human made entertainment program called Fantasy Island and its....'remake'?

*Andrews eyebrows raise and he gains a thoughtful look*

Andrew: Yeah I can sort of see how that setup might appeal to the Chaos Master here.

AJ: Chaos MAster? Ya know I heard Big Mac call him that to.

Andrew: Lets just say he insists we call him that during our game sessions. *under his breath* can't believe he sicced a pack of Gazebo's on me in the middle of Mordor just because I called him a normal GM instead.....

Twilight: Yeah we'll get back to your strange male ritual of bonding later Andrew

DIscord: Oh, going to discuss that stallion Dusk Shine crashing the party a few weeks ago?

Twilight *HUGE blush*: LATER.... explain Fantasy Island NOW Andrew.

Andrew: A old TV show basic premise is a guy ends up on a Island that he can't leave, but while upon it is pretty much GOD. So he sets up a travel agency where people come to the island to live out there fantasy or wish. anything goes.

RD: Maybe its just my imagination... but granting peoples wishes doesn't seem very chaotic to me.

Andrew: Well there is a catch in the old saying 'be careful what you wish for', and here is where Discord has his fun. Often what you dream about has consequences or causes you never considered and might not be prepared to handle. In the show the plot was driven as the vacationers 'fantasy' tended to spiral out of control.

It Generally ending with the wisher learning some valuable life lesson or truth about themselves, sometimes sweet sometimes tragic sometimes silly. Chaotic. Plus there was always the odd irredeemable wisher who got some ironic comeuppance.

Discord: you see! A little chaotic outlet and one that can provide a net benefit to those willing to learn a lesson!

Celestia: It also struck me as a potential method for discord to explore the consequences of actions, now that he is exploring the magic of friendship. So we agreed on a test case today. With myself and the elements of Harmony observing while i do some minor paperwork.

*Andrew suddenly looks suspicious*

Andrew: I'm going to be the test Subject aren't I?

D: Oh no my dear boy... we actually already have a volunteer!

*Suddenly a adorable young colt trotted up dressed up in a pirate outfit*

Twilight: Pipsqueak??

Pipsqueak: Ahoy! Miss.Sparkle I'm going to get to play Pirate today!

Rarity: Pardon me Princess.... but are you sure its wise to have such a..... young one be Discords test subject?

D: oh relax! I'm not going to hurt the little scamp. *Discord snaps and a translucent wall appears before them* My little foray has SOME safeguards in them... heck it even has age filters so that if anypony decides to get a little risque young pip here won't even hear or see a thing ;)

*As they chat young pipsqueak is prodded through the wall and they all see the field disappear into a picture of the open seas with a pirate galleon floating with young pipsqueak running about, as well as other blurred pony like bodies sailing the ship and doing nautical things.*

Andrew: I see you retained the basic nondescript form for NPCs in this. I assume anyone who goes through your barrier is transformed to a nautical theme outfit and role?

Discord: more or less.. depends on your costume and self image, plus a little bit of random chance.

Twilight: Andrew! How can you be so calm! Pipsqueak is in there alone at Discords mercy!

Celestia: Not quite alone...

*as they watch the captains cabin opens and Luna emerges in pirate captain attire 'note to self insert image here'*

Luna: HUZZAH! PIRATE QUEEN LUNA IS READY FOR PLUNDER AND ADVENTURE!!!!! FIRST MATE PIPSQUEAK! SET SAIL FOR TREASURE ISLAND!

Pipsqueak: AYE AYE! PRINCESS!

Mane six: O_O

*none notice Andrew smirk and leave the area*

D: Well that appears to be my cue. Do enjoy the show Princess, FLuttershy, and the rest of you.

*discord suddenly ports out of there and suddenly a small fleet of ships is seen approaching Pirate Queen Luna's vessel.

All of the vessels are manned by mini-discords wielding wooden swords. At the helm of the lead ship is a full sized Discord dressed up in a French admiral uniform. After spending a dramatic moment posing he speaks

(And thanks to the magic of chaos his words can clearly be heard by those outside the field and those aboard Pirate Queen Lunas vessel clearly despite the apparent distance between them all.*

Discord: HO HO! At long last Pirate QUeen luna! I Monsieur Discord, admiral of the Discordance navy have you now! Surrender and tell us where the treasure lies and perhaps we shall merely imprison you in the Bastille!

PL: I SAY THEE NAY! PIRATE QUEEN LUNA SURRENDERS TO NO PONY! FIRST MATE PIPSQUEAK PREPARE FOR SEABATTLE! WE SHALL SEND THESE DISCORDANCE PIGS TO THE BRINY DEEP!

Pip: ARRR! THEY BE NO MATCH FOR TRUE PIRATES!!!

*For the next half hour Celestia calmly enjoys her tea keeping one eye on the show, the other doing some work. While the Mane Six watch riveted at the old style sea battle taking place... Pirate queen Luna and pipsqueak managing to sink several, including one where they boarded and defeated the crew in swash buckling antics before setting the ship afire and escaping. Until finally*

D: AH HAH! I have you now Pirate Queen Luna! You and your first mate will tell me where the treasure is buried and then will hang for your crimes!!! HO HO!

Fluttershy: Oh no! his ships have her surrounded!

Applejack: I reckon, Pipsqueak and Luna are doomed to be prisoners

Twilight: *Narrowed eyes* you two are really getting into this aren't you???

Pinkie pie: What? its a great show! Although it looks like the end for the pirates :(

*back with the ships*

D: Surrender!

PQL: NEVER!

D: Than prepare to di....eh?

*Out of nowehre one of Discord's ships is sunk by a fusillade of apple-fritter cannonballs*

D: WHO DARES CHALLENGE THE MIGHT OF DISCORDANCE!

*out of the fog emerges a 40-gun Royal ship. Standing on the Bow in full royal English admiral attire, petticoat blowing in the breeze is.*

Mane 6: ANDREW!!!!

Andrew: Belay that command Discordance PIGS! I Sir Andrew, Admiral of her majesties fleets am here to aid the noble Pirate Queen against your dastardly ambitions! IN the name of God, Princess, and Country stand down and surrender! Or prepare to be sent to Davy Jones locker!

*outside the simulator Twilight screams out*

T: ANDREW JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!

*Inside Andrew pauses out of character and turns smiling*

A: Hey it sounded like fun!

D: If i can interrupt? *Back in hammy 'admiral voice'* VILE EQUESTRIAN DOG! Noble Discordance will NEVER give in to such a backwards nation that doesn't even have any fine cheese!

A: *Also back in Hammy admiral voice* Than let your fate be upon your heads! MR. Spike hoist the flags of war!

*as he turns to prepare for battle, Sweetiebelles head pops up from behind the ships steering wheel

SB: *AHEM*

A: *blush* Right sorry didn't mean to forget you all... MS.SWEETIEBELLE! SET COURSE FOR THE DISCORDANCE FLEET! MS.APPLEBLOOM! PREPARE THE CANNONS FOR A FULL BARRAGE! MS. SCOOTALOO PREPARE TO REPEAL BORDERS! WE SHALL HAVE THEM SWIMMING THE BRINY DEEP BEFORE SUNDOWN!

SB,SC, and AB: AYE AYE ADMIRAL! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ROYAL NAVY ARE A-GO!!!

*Outside Rarity and Applejack fume at seeing their sisters dragged into this. even if they do seem to be having a ball. As for Rainbow Dash...*

RD: You know it ain't no Wonderbolts, but I got admit Scootaloo looks kind of awesome in that getup. Pass the popcorn PInkie?

PP: oh sure!

Celestia: are those changelings as the generic crew?

*Chrysalis strolls up and sits down to watch*

Ch: Well it was either this or the CMC were going to try to put on something called the 'CMC bill nye the science guy cutie mark ' scheme. I figured if they were in one of their destructive moods, best to have it AWAY from my hive.

C: Quite... tea? *pouring chrysalis a cup and hovering it over which she takes

Ch: thank you *Sip* Interesting taste. New blend?

C: Just got imported from Neighppon last week actually...

*Twilight stares bug eyed at the two, not noticing that the Mane 6 has become the Mane 5 as one of them has snuck off as well.*

Twilight: Has everypony gone CRAZY!!!

AJ: Ah heck Twi, it seems harmless enough. just sit back and enjoy the show.

R: indeed. these discordance ruffians don't stand a chance now that my sister is there to aid Pirate Queen Luna!

*The group watches as the battle turns again, Andrew S.S. CMC and PIrate Queen Luna's ship turning the table on the discordance fleet. While a fog bank moves in.*

Scootaloo: UNKNOWN SHIP OFF THE RIGHT!

AB: That's Port Scootaloo...

Sweetiebelle: are you sure? I thought it was starboard...

Scootaloo: maybe the forecastle....

Andrew: ~_~;;; Mr. Spike Where is the unknown ship exactly?

Spike: RIGHT BESIDE US! *Gulp*

*Andrew turns in time to see a pink colored ship move into boarding range, and can only blink as a hoard of squirrels and one white rabbit swarm aboard and gang rush him*

A: Wha... mmmph....Mmmmph!

*within a moment Andrew is hogtied and gagged,than carried to the unknown ship... where the captain appears on deck, her yellow Pegasus wings stroking the bound Andrew as she looks on smugly.*

*back outside*

Twilight: WHAT!!! FLUTTERSHY????!!!

*back inside*

Fluttershy: Ah I hope its not to tight.. I mean! You are now the captive of the Dread Pirate Pink Tail! My prize of conquest, at the mercy of my every whim!

Andrew: o_O

*outside Celestia and Chrysalis calmly watch as a low whistling sound comes from a steadily reddening Twilight*

Chrysalis: 100 bits says she doesn't last 5 minutes

Celestia: I have faith in my student. You are on!

Twilight *Utterly focused on the show and missing the above betting*: WHAT ARE YOU DOING FLUTTERSHY??? The schedule clearly shows that this Weekend is MY alone snuggle time with Andrew!

*Inside FLuttershy breaks character and looks through the invisible wall to comment*

FS: Well yes... Old Fluttershy would follow the schedule.... But I'm the Pirate Pink Tail! And pirates don't follow rules and schedules! They TAKE what they want!

*Andrew finally undos the gag as Pink Tail's ship disengages and flees into the fog*

A: Don't I get a say in this....

FS: Oh no Sir Andrew. you are my prisoner. Helpless to object or resist the Dread Pirates Pink Tails demands! and my demand is simple.... *Fluttershys voice turns into a purr* You're....going... to... LOVE ME!...

Andrew: O_O;;;

*Celestia idly notes that the CMC and Pipsqueak look a bit confused and are complaining that they couldn't hear the dread Pirate Pink Tail's last comment*

Celestia: well at least Discord was honest about the age filters...

Chrysalis: yes but I do believe the real show is with your student...

*Twilight steams and suddenly blows her top*

T: THAT'S IT! She's not getting away with this! Come on Girls!

*Twilight charges towards the barrier with Pinkie pie skipping along. Rainbow Dash shrugs and follows... but Rarity and Applejack*

AJ: I reckon I should sit this on....woah!

R: Really Twilight it is unbecoming of lady to-aaiiee!

*Mid complaint both are surrounded by twilight's magic and telekineticly yanked through... the 5 of them appearing on a new vessel*

Twilight: We must save Sir Andrew! The Equestrian Trading Company has suffered enough at the hands of Pink Tail to let this latest offense stand!!

*the rest of the mane six look at their outfits*

AJ: What in tarnation! I didn't sign on for any puffy ruffly shirt!

Rarity *Dressed in a fancy lady outfit*: Hmmm.. not bad, the corset is a bit much but otherwise a adequate ensemble for a cruise.

PP: Oh boy! Party cannon loaded and ready!

RD: Ah man! I wanted my own ship *Turns and spots a nearby discordance ship in between them and Andrews Ex ship* Hmmmm... I wonder....

*meanwhile outside*

Celestia: just ten more seconds Twilight.... you couldn't hold on...for 10 pony loving seconds?

Chrysalis: *Ahem* I do believe you owe me

Celestia: Yes yes, just let me run to the bank and make a withdrawal.

*Celestia grumbles some more as she trots off to the bank to get some bits to pay off her bet with Chryslis ...20 minutes later she returns*

Celestia: Here....

Chryslis: thank you, supporting a hive isn't easy you know....

Celestia:*glancing at a lot more ships moving around in random, several ponies digging up some islands, and a half dozen sword fights on others.* what I'd miss?

Chryslis: Well Scootaloo defected from the Equestiran Empire ship to join Rainbow Dash when she took control of a Discordance ship and went off to look for treasures, than Diamond Tiara showed up as head of the Dia-quistador fleet with part of Miss Cheerlies class, although a few of the foals have joined the other factions as well. Including a couple captaining Discordance ships for some odd reason.

The Manticore showed up a few minute ago, just swimming around and making noises like a clock, Don't ask me Why.

For a while there was a Dia-quistador and Discordance alliance against the Equestrian empire and the Equestrian trading company. But than DIscord stabbed them in the back in order to plunder the Mayan golden cookies they were escorting after a consultation session with Voodoo shaman Zecora... so now its a bit of a free for all in there.

Celestia: Sounds confusing...

Chryslis: oh no things didn't get confusing until the Black Mailman ambushed Pink Tail, and captain Derpybeard and firstmate DItzy stole Andrew from her. Allegedly because he knew where the last Aztec Muffin was that they needed to lift the curse on them. leading to a semi-alliance now between Pink Tail and the ETC as they pursue.

Celestia: Whats with the blue phone booth on board the Black Mailman.

Chryslis: beats me. I just know the doctor got yanked out of it and was put in ragged torn clothes, to serve as Derpybeards cabin boy.... Well after Pirate Queen Luna managed to rescue Andrew from the Black Mailman, unknown to the Equestrian Trading Company and Pink Tail.

CElestia: I see....

*as her interest drifts a small window pops up showing Pirate Queen Luna's ship, Pip cheerfully sailing along as Luna heads into ships cabin where Andrew lies. Celestia suddenly smirks and casts her voice suspiciously loud, while windows of Pink Tail and Twilight's ship pop open. The Two Ponies ears perking up at hearing her voice*

Celestia: Although I can not see WHY my dear sister needs to be in Human form to tend to Sir Andrew's injuries... especially since they seem to be just some strategically placed cuts and tears on his uniform. Or for that matter why her pirate uniform seems to have lost some decollage as well...

*Celestia looks incredibly pleased with herself as Luna, Pink Tail, and Twilight all screech in response. *

Pink Tail & Twilight: WHAATTT!!!

PQLuna: TIA!!!!!

*Twilight's and Pink Tail's ships suddenly violently change course to chase after Pirate Queen Luna's vessel. As Pipsqueak still unaware of events above PG rating happily tries to elude them. Chrysalis outside the field turns to Princess Celestia, idly noting that most of Ponyville is either watching various swashbuckling adventures, or entering the simulation zone to particpate directly by this point. Chrysalis shakes her head at the impromptu festival the event has turned into before addressing Celestia *

Chrysalis: You know that was quite Evil of you princess. I didn't think you had it in you

Celestia: Well I AM her big Sister, its part of my familial duties and all. Now I do believe I see the Cakes bringing a assortment of goodies for the watchers. Shall we sample there fare while discussing what other interesting twists we might add to the show?

Chryslis: You know i think I like this streak your showing, yes lets...

- - - - -

Just a bit of fun since the next part of the real chapter is taking longer due to my transition to a new job. Don't worry though, the whole story is plotted out and outlined. Its just a matter of writing it out.

--------------------------------

Andrew Joshua Talon · 1,631 views · Edited 90w, 1d ago · Report
#1 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

You should post this as a bonus chapter. After the Wedding concludes. :twilightsmile:

#2 · 90w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

this, all of it, is wonderful :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::twilightsmile::yay:

i think this needs to become an offshoot series all its own :trollestia:

#3 · 90w, 1d ago · 4 · ·

This.  This right here?  This is sheer brilliance.  Perhaps a whole side story could be "Discord's Fantasy Island"?

#4 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

*snerk* Most amusing.

#5 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Bucking awesome.  :raritystarry::heart:

#6 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>761768 This plan... I LIKE IT!

#7 · 90w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Hehehe that was real fun to read

#8 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

The Rivalry - Running Wild

Reminds me of when I used to be in the Goonswarm in EVE Online. That was fun.

#9 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

:rainbowderp: This....needs to be continued! It's magical! Moar, l say! :flutterrage:

#10 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

I require more of this. I shall pay you in moustaches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#11 · 90w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

ALL HANDS ON DECK! MR. TURNER, TURN THE DELPHINUS TO STARBOARD BOW! ALIGN THE BOW WITH THE CONCENTRATION OF DISCORDANCE AND DIA-QUESITION VESSELS!! CHARGE UP THE MAIN CANNONS, HOLD ON EVERYONE!

-Front of the ship opens up, revealing a huge cannon-

MOONSTONE CANNON, FIRE!

-Releases a gigantic blast of pure energy-

#12 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

This. Was. AWESOME!:yay::trollestia:

#13 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Awesome :rainbowkiss:

#14 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

So much effing WIN.

This should be a chapter. OR something. I dunno, it was just made of awesomite refined and alloyed into solid awesometanium.

Ye need some Authentic Scottish Pirate Metal to go with it!

#15 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

.....BRING FORTH THE FANFARE MUSIC!

#16 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Outstanding.

#17 · 90w, 1d ago · 3 · ·

this quite literally turned my mood from this::pinkiesad2: to this::pinkiehappy: i would read a whole story just of this

#18 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

THIS IS FRIGGIN AWESOME~! :flutterrage:

....I mean, quite. :yay: Why isnt this a chapter or story on its own. And the premise of using Fantasy Island as a theme is pure genius and I feel that if you ,my friend, are to venture this path with the theme and make it a standalone/spinoff. Well, I would read every part of it. So I beg of you with Fluttershy here...

YEAH~!!!!!!!! :yay:

#19 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Now that was awesome.

#20 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Pipsqueak: "where out of ammo captain Luna" *looks at cannon then Luna*

think we all know where im going with this:pinkiecrazy:

#21 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

I see no reason not to flesh this out and post it as either a bonus chapter or non-canon side story. Such glorious piratical chaos!

#22 · 90w, 1d ago · 3 · ·

Make it a Story! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Not a chapter added to a story, not a chapter just outside of a story. A whole new story!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

Nuff said. :yay:

Dragon:moustache:

#23 · 90w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Absolutely none of anything up there made sense. I loved it. :pinkiehappy:

#24 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

>>761866:rainbowkiss:SO FKING AWESOME!:rainbowkiss:

#25 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Okay, now I have no idea just what the fuck is going on here, but I'm going to follow you for more

of these freaking hilarious blog posts!!!!

And the Manticore as the crock form Peter Pan, fucking priceless!!!

#26 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

im so very much confused by the events that have occurred today :rainbowderp:

#27 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

First I :rainbowlaugh:

Then I :rainbowwild:

And now I :rainbowkiss:

#28 · 90w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

I think we all in consensus for this to be its own story.

#29 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Most entertaining!

#30 · 90w, 1d ago · · ·

Hilarious!:rainbowlaugh:

#31 · 90w, 19h ago · · ·

thus, the RPG was brought to Equestria :rainbowlaugh:

#32 · 90w, 19h ago · · ·

>>765312

Actually if you pay close attention to the beginning of the omake, you'll note that it implies RPGs already are in Equestria. And that Discord runs a regular gaming session as GM. And while regular D&D is fun, lets just say when he runs a Exalted campaign  things really get awesome.

Actually there are several in jokes in the omake you really need to read the Spacebattles Hands thread to get.

#33 · 90w, 16h ago · · ·

Luna just got blocked!

#34 · 90w, 15h ago · · ·

Grammar errors everywhere, but holy hell that was hilarious.

#35 · 90w, 15h ago · · ·

>>765617

Well the grammar is because of the omakes editor

I just don't know what went wrong....

#36 · 89w, 4d ago · · ·

Will you ever finish Progress?  Also, is this based on hands?  I figures hands woulda been about Lyra. . .  I think I might like this.

#37 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·
#38 · 80w, 3d ago · · ·

Thou has garnered all of my love for this.

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