//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: Grumpy Tanya // Story: Chronicles of a Young Woman's Love Life // by Optimal Robotics //------------------------------// I just woke up from a nice and fluffy dream last night. All I remember from it was burying my snout in a luscious gray mane, the scent of intimacy in the air... Now I'm staring groggily at one of my infiltrators the day after my wife ran away. Nunya, I believe her name was. "Report!" "Yes my queen!" As she salutes me. "Our advance team has successfully acquired a portable stage and is currently learning how to use it." "And your lines?" She fidgets a little bit at that. "Mostly memorized." I noticed she's avoiding my gaze. "You have something to add?" "Do we really have to perform on stage? Some of the other infiltrators are whispering that such things are beneath them." "Very few things are beneath any one of us for the survival of the hive." She salutes sharply. "Are you getting stage fright? Because I seem to remember all your previous missions being just one grand performance with much higher stakes for everybody involved." "No my queen! I shall whip everyling into shape!" I nod along, feeling her out with my empathetic sense. She's the most loyal of my subjects by far, but that doesn't come without its downsides. She has a core of fanaticism in her that comes a bit too close to worship for my taste. I pause in my inspection when I feel a trill of fear shoot through her. Her gaze just locked on to my left hoof. I look down only to see a new hole, about half the size of the one in my right. When I look up I can only see her tail slip out of my chamber as she flees. No matter. I have work to do, and a future to secure. My plan is kind of simple. Using a small portion of the funds I have accumulated over the centuries to buy some supplies, I'm converting the majority of the hive into a traveling theater/cuddle tent. Now the cuddle tent isn't explicitly a brothel, but every changeling will be able to set their own offerings and prices. The plan here is to lure in ponies from every village we've come across with entertainment, and a low price of two love-soaked bits to get them in the door. Then when we've got them acclimatized to us we get a portion of them to relax in the cuddle tent that only costs love to use. This all serves the purposes of getting my underlings to learn more sophisticated love magic, teaching a greater portion of them infiltrator skills through the rehearsals, teaching them how to keep their partners unharmed when feeding for the less experienced, and starting to acclimatize Equestrians to us. We're able to do all this because I got 'Celestia' to issue us a royal charter for consensual love gathering. The Princesses were also gracious enough to get the word out to their press contacts that Chrysalis was dethroned hours after her invasion was repelled, and the new Changeling Queen will be making her way to Canterlot to formally surrender. I won't be taking all my people with me. I'm going to keep a skeleton crew of the maintenance drones and the least trustworthy lings to keep a 'mailing address' so official correspondence can find its way towards me even with my shifting location. Also so the idiots don't spark an international incident. There's also the issue of all the ponies and buffalo currently in pods right now. We're keeping them in the hive as insurance in case things go south. Mostly for food purposes in case the willing harvest doesn't go to plan. Ideally we'll be releasing them at a rate of one per week as our love income rises. Ideally. Hopefully the princess negotiating with me won't stick on that issue for long. Cadenza's emotional aura was a lot more 'sparkly' and erratic compared to Chrysalis. Who knows what kind of curve balls she'll throw at me. I have absolutely no bead on who they'll send to negotiate except that the show is being run by immortals smart enough not to run a country into the ground. And that could mean just about anything in a personal setting. Once we're done setting all the people in the pods free, we'll be setting up a new hive in Equestrian lands. I mean I got nothing against pony architecture, but apparently the grubs need a specialized environment to be safe in and grow properly. And then, if all goes according to plan, all the acclimatized changelings can ride herd on all the jackasses that we left behind. An absolutely horrible plan with far too many points of failure. I hate it. Leaving my chambers I find my underlings hard at work packing what meager possessions they have into saddle bags. Mostly particularly shiny rocks and bits of their own shed exoskeleton. I'd complain about how useless it all is, but they are carrying it all themselves. I clear my throat on the balcony that extends from my quarters. They all set aside what they're doing to pay attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, changelings of all shapes and sizes. We're gathered here to set out into Equestria. We're leaving in an hour, so finish packing real quick. I plan to make it into the shade of the Everfree before noon." They move to finish packing before I continue. "In the eventuality that we encounter any bison on the way there, try to interact with them in a peaceful manner. It will be good practice for the ponies." I have to actively resist micromanaging my underlings' social interactions. It's a bad idea on so many levels. Not least of which being I haven't seen them actually interact with anybody outside of the hive, so I don't know where they need to improve. Of course, in the absence of anything else to do, this leaves my mind free to wander back to my wife. Oh, what now!? A wave of fear washed through the hive and I don't know where it came from. Skittish little things, these drones... Not even a bison intruder, how silly of them. At least they're packing faster now. We got to the Everfree with minimal fuss. The advantages of a flight capable species I suppose... I called for a much needed break in the shade and gathered up some changelings to address. "So, do you know what went wrong?" A changeling raises his hoof. "They ran away?" I shake my head. "You outnumbered them. Herbivorous species are very quick to startle. When a contingent of flying predators broke off to meet them they took it as a hostile action. And they would have been correct to, before I was in charge. Spread the word amongst the hive. Unless you're meeting somepony one on one you are to ensure that you meet them with at most half their number." "And if they're hostile?" Asks one of the drones. "I trust in your ability to run back to the stage, or wherever the rest of this expedition is located. I or any senior personnel will decide how to handle hostility as it comes." And of course I'll have to discuss this with my infiltrators now too. When that conversation came up they were all afraid and itching to leave. Nunya was the same, so it couldn't have been me at fault. Must be the Everfree's reputation... I assured them that I was an expert in the terrain and could lead them around any threats. This did not assure them. Honestly I was a little bit miffed at it all. I've spent a few years here in total. I know how to identify the threats at range with my empathy! Whatever. I tasked them with keeping all the drones following me and dismissed them. All in all we managed to cut through the Everfree shortly before nightfall, and thank goodness for that. I was not looking forward to babysitting these 325 city slickers in hostile terrain. Come morning we were able to fly over to Ponyville in good time. Ponyville. What a generic name for an Equestrian town. I actually had to send a map back to Canterlot for the Princesses to circle which Ponyville I was supposed to go to. Hopefully I can figure out why 'Celestia' wanted me to start my tour here without much fuss.