> A Dadonequus Christmas > by CrazedLaughter > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1 - The Quest for Ego > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You were hugging yourself, walking in the cold snow, you were dressed heavily in multiple coats, a beanie, a huge scarf, thermal wear, pants, and snow boots. And yet, damn, it was still so cold. Didn’t help you were about the size of a seven year old. “Dammit, Discord, seriously? When you said we were gonna go on a dimension whirlwind adventure to find a gift for Fluttershy, I didn’t think you meant going into the mirror from another timeline. Why are we even here?” You were deep in a forested area in a park, at the dead of night. “What does this have to do with Fluttershy?” Discord just looked down, rather boredly, at a compass. His skin complexion was a little sickly, but he was well dressed in a brown suit, pants, fancy shoes, a red tie, and a well groomed set of hair and goatee. He even had some snazzy white gloves. He actually looked sophisticated, if it wasn’t for his crazy yellow and red eyes. “Huh? Fluttershy? Actually, nothing, she’s not the one I’m getting a gift for this year.” Wut? “Seriously? You always get her a gift for Hearthwarming.” Discord suddenly looked back at you with a perturbed and annoyed look as he gripped his compass. “And that would usually be the case, if it wasn’t for the fact that Chrysalis chose to get her a gift before I could make my announcement. You know why she did that, Anon. Fluttershy is not hers to give gifts to! That’s my job.” C-cripes, you take a step back in worried surprise. Then begin to give it some thought. “...Couldn’t you still just give her a gift?” “Absolutely not! Trust me, Anon…” Discord said as he began to walk forward, navigating the trees. “My logic is sound. Sure, I could one up her gift with a superior one of my own, but then everypony would simply call me petty. No, instead, I’ll give Twilight a gift she simply won’t be able to resist going on about. She’s the princess after all, my gift to her will overshadow Chrysalis’s pathetic… Whatever it is.” …Nice… “So you just chose Twilight to take away attention from Chrysalis’s gift? How is that not petty?” “Because everypony will be so surprised I even gave Twilight a gift that they won’t even think about it being petty.” Discord says as he looks back at you with a grin. … … Sure, in backwards as fuck logic, that actually works. Ugh, he’s so ridiculous sometimes. Even then… “Fine, whatever. But what are we doing here? Why in this world? Twilight has seen humans before, remember, Starship Troopers? Unless we’re gonna find and kidnap her other self from this world, then I don’t see why we’re here. Especially since it’s so damn cold.” “Humans? Oh heavens no, Anon. As you mentioned, she’s seen your human movies, so there would be no point. No, instead we’re hunting a few souls that used to reside in Equestria, in both this and our timelines. We’re simply going to snap a few photos, and I’m going to need you to do an interview; then we go back. No chaos needed whatsoever.” Discord said as he slowly began to look forward, looking at a rather dinghy van in the middle of the park. “The chaos will come from Chrysalis realizing she could never match my gift giving skills.” Souls? “Ghosts? What, in that van? Who gives a damn about ghosts? We have ghosts in Equestria, don’t we?” “Oh, Anon, with such a lesser vernacular than my own. Souls can mean the living as well. In fact, it’s actually three souls we’ll be gathering information about.” Discord said as he began to snap his fingers. He suddenly seemed a little perplexed. “Hrn, it seems this ‘Christmas’ spirit is having an effect on my magic.” “Seriously? How does Hearthwarming have no effect on you but Christmas does?” Like, how does that make sense? “I truly have no idea. But if I had to take a guess, it might be the fact that all this good will and ‘spirit of the holidays’ is in the air.” Discord says as he raises his finger, twirls it, then takes a lick before shuddering at the supposed sour taste. “...Ehw. How positively dreadful.” You just put your hand to your forehead and shook your head. “...And, again, how is that any different from Hearthwarming?” Discord sighed at your ‘lack of understanding.’ “Need I explain my theory again? Anon, I need you to focus, for what lies within that tin can is beyond your imagination.” Fucking christ, you swear he was just doing it to annoy yo-wait. “What do you mean? What three ‘souls’ live in there? And why do I have to do an interview? Why don’t you do it? It’s your gift.” Discord once again sighed at your ignorance. “Because, Anon, I’m much too imposing, and quite frankly, too much of a patricianary being for those lesser than me to approach without hesitation. You, however, my adorable little boy, can extract exactly the information I need to ‘wow’ Twilight.” You groaned as you trudged through the snow and took a closer look at the shabby van. “Okay… And, again, the three ‘souls’?” Damn, it was cold, you rubbed your gloved hands together. Man, things were easier when you were a pony. Or warmer at least. “Isn’t it obvious? The sirens, of course. It’s been oh so long since I’ve last seen them. But, bah, I’m sure after so many many moons that they have forgiven me for my little mix up.” Discord said as he snickered. Your eyes went wide as you turned your head back towards Discord. “The sirens? The fucking… Wait, the sirens? The Dazzlings?” They were canon to your dimension? Wut? Were they canon to the show’s canon? “You mean Sonata, Aria, and Adagio?” Discord nodded as he stepped closer to inspect the van. “I believe that is their names, yes.” Okay, he seems utterly nonchalant about that. Well, they weren’t dangerous, were they? No, you remember they lost their power after the movie. So, what? This is where they lived? This purple mystery machine looking van with some vomit green paint? You merely stared at the van for a while as Discord was snapping his fingers, causing sparks to fly as if it was an empty lighter. Suddenly, you feel a notebook and pen in your hands. “Wha? Ah, geez. Seriously? You couldn’t give me a laptop or someth-Hey! Are you expecting me to do ALL the work?! I thought I was going to interview them and you were going to write that shit down!” Discord was only half listening to you as he was looking at his camera. “Hm? Wait, what? Oh no no, you’ll have to do all the writing since I’ll be taking the pictures. See, Anon, with this particular camera, I can take pictures of both their human forms and what lies underneath to further enhance our research. Besides, why are you getting mad? That pen and notebook is better than any laptop. They are enchanted to make sure you write down everything that’s important, even if it ends up giving you carpal tunnel.” Discord then stopped to ponder on that. “Hrn, I wonder how that’d translate to your hooves once we go back…” You raise a finger to object, and to ask how the hell he knows the sirens exactly, but then you stop yourself. You knew if you asked him, then the only answer you’d get is his bullshit. Since you were going to do the interviewing, and you wanted to get back to Ponyville, you figured you’d just get this done and go home, damned be the carpal tunnel. Wait… “What are you doing?” Discord was snapping his fingers once again until he formed… A taco? Oh no, come on… “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m using bait.” “A taco? Why the hell-” Wait a moment, what a goddamn minute. “If this is related to Sonata, how the fuck do you know she likes tacos?” “How do you think I know? I, and the Discord of this Equestrian dimension, introduced it to her. It’s how I first made contact with them, you know? I only needed to convince one to ensna-I mean, speak with the other two. Of course, this was many, many, many moons ago.” Discord said as he put the taco on a string of a fishing pole and held it towards the sliding door. You narrowed your eyes towards Discord as you pointed towards him. “You fucked with them before, haven’t you?” “Tch, vulgar language as usual.” Discord said with an eyeroll. “You know what I mean! Discord, they aren’t going to tell us shit if they hate you!” You yelled back at him. “Correction, they’d hate this dimension’s Discord. So there’s nothing to be angry about.” Discord said nonchalantly. Your eye was twitching from how annoying he was being. “You did the same shit he did!” “Correct… But to our dimension’s sirens. And who knows what happened to them, considering this human realm isn’t adjacent to our own reality. Really, Anon, can you stop your whining and just knock already?” Discord said as he waved his fingers towards you dismissively. You gripped the pen and notebook tightly as you groaned and turned towards the door. You could have spent some time riding on Capper’s airship and hanging with the gang for a while. But noooooooooo, you had to agree to help with this stupid bullshit, because you thought it’d help Fluttershy. Good job, Anon, you’re a goddamn retard. You look up for a moment to see the taco dangling over you. You sighed, looked forward, and knocked on the van’s sliding door. “Hello? Anyone th-woah!” In an instant, a familiar blue haired girl, with her hair down and in baby blue jammies, a coat over it, stepped out sleepily as she raised her hands to grab the taco, and yank it from the line. She then began to devour it in one fucking bite, moaning to herself. It was Sonata… And fucking hell… She looked pretty cute. You were blushing just a bit, you had forgotten what the fairer sex in human form looked like face to face. But dammit, you would not let yourself fall for it. You’ve grown past this, dammit. You will not be seduced so easily! “Excuse me, miss! Can I have a mome-g-g-g-g” You were now deep red as she was rubbing her hands gently across your cheeks. You couldn’t even say a word as she suddenly brought her face closer to yours. W-what? This was so sudden, and… And… “Gyah! AGH!” You jumped back holding your nose in pain. She bit it! She bit your nose! And not in a kinky way! Did she think it was a taco?! And of course Discord was laughing his ass off. You were about to turn around and just stab him with the pen when Sonata suddenly became aware and awake. “Hey…” Sonata was licking her lips and smacking her gums for a moment, as if she knew she ate something tasty. “Huh… What a weird dream, and it tasted so real, I swear I still got some sauce in my mouth.” She continued to taste the air for another moment before she noticed the two of you. “Hm? Hey, what are you guys doing out here on Christmas Eve? Like, erm, we aren’t doing any shows tonight or tomorrow. Which is kind of a bummer because I always liked the idea of Christmas… But we never celebrate it.” Well, that was kind of on the nose. But dammit, just stick with the plan. Whatever this was, the Mane Humans can deal with it. “Um, sorry to bother you. But um, me and my partner here were wondering if you’d do an interview with us.” Discord groaned as he stepped forward and took charge of the situation. He was grumbling about how that was such a lousy introduction from you. Of course, he then put on his sleazy smile and bowed towards Sonata. “An interview indeed, but allow ME to introduce ourselves first. I’m the renowned reporter, Mr.D! And this is my assistant. We have scoured the world looking for the most interesting story for our international journal. And you, my dear, have caught our eyes. In fact, it isn’t just you we’d like to interview, but your bandmates as well. We want to know every little detail. And if you’re wondering what the reward will be, well, I can tell you you’ll be acknowledged by a very well known and somewhat powerful princess. What do you say, will you help us make history?” “Ummmmmm…” Sonata just gave a dumb little stare for a moment before taking a closer look at the both of you and pointing. “I think I know you.” Both you and Discord were caught aback by those words. The both of you saying. “You do?” “Mhmm, I know I do.” Sonata said with a sure smile before pointing at you. “You’re a child labor law violation! Oh, and he’s a serious example of how not to take care of eye infections.” Both you and Discord just stood there, stunned. Well, she wasn’t fucking wrong, and you would have found that hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that you came to the realization that this wasn’t going to go as quickly as you wanted. Hoo boy, this was gonna be terrible. > Chapter 2 - The Veil Broken > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “...For the last time. I do not have an eye infection, I do not have glass eyes, nor do I use food coloring or contacts for the color. Furthermore, I am not an alien, of the undead, or a metallic automaton!” Discord said with a growl as he raised his hands towards Sonata, their trembling showing his frustration. “But I didn’t say automawhatever, I said robot.” Sonata said, with blank eyed blinking. Discord’s eye twitched as he stepped backwards, grabbing and rubbing onto his face in utter befuddlement. “Ngh, how do I even get through to such an inferior min-hm?” Discord looked over to you, in shock, as he noticed you snickering. “And what is so humorous, hmm?” “Do I have to say it?” You said, smirking at him, as you placed your chin on your hands and fluttered your eyes. “You’re getting jerked around so freaking bad, it’s hilarious” “And you can do better?” Discord asked, with doubt in his tone. “Yeh, I can, I know how this works.” You step towards Discord and reach your hand out. “C’mon, don’t take it so hard, alright? Tag me in, partner?” You felt a little sympathetic towards him. Maybe his plan was pretty petty, but you were pretty sure Twilight would be pretty appreciative of his efforts. And besides, Chrysalis isn’t Discord, she’s not going to give a shit about being upstaged unless he was specifically trying to give Fluttershy a ‘better’ gift. So, all things considered, there really weren't any consequences to his actions. Also, you just really wanted to get this over with anyway.  Discord looked at you with scorn for just a moment, then shrugged with a cool grin. “Sure, why not?” He gently slaps your hand with his own and steps aside. “But do not think, for even a second, that this is due to me being so annoyed that I’m willing to rip this world’s reality asunder to quench my rage.” “Yeah, yeah, I know.” You stepped up to the plate. Alright, Anon, it was game time. You can do this! You patted your cheeks to redden them, put your arms together adorably, and gave Sonata the cutest face you could. “Pwease, Miss Sonata-chan? Can we pwease pwease get that interview?” Discord just looked on with disgusted astonishment, then slapped his own face as he muttered “I regret this decision.” “Awww!” Sonata grabbed onto you gently and snuggled onto you. “You’re so cute! Of course I can give you that interview! And some pictures too!” Oh baby, this worked much better than you ever could have imagined. She was so soft and huggable, her snuggles so warm. You didn’t give a shit how Discord took this right now, this was truly a golden momen-OH GOD! “SONATA!” Came yet another familiar voice as the van’s side door slammed shut! “SONATA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” “EEP!” Sonata let out a yelp as she accidentally flung you up into the air, causing you to slam down onto your face, into the snow. “Mnnnggmmnnn” Welp, you were close. At least it seems your human head is as strong as your pony one. “Sonata!” It was Aria Blaze, dressed in a heavy coat as she stomped forward towards Sonata, surprising her as she pointed at her accusingly. “How many times do I have to tell you not to leave the door open!? You’re letting all the hot air out! Do you know how ann-wait.” She suddenly stops when she notices Discord standing there. She then looked back at Sonata as she pointed towards Discord. “Please tell me you didn’t make a deal with that guy!” “Erm, well, not yet? I didn’t sign anything.” Sonata said with a shrug and sheepish smile. “Ahrm.” Discord cleared his throat as he pulled you out of the snow and planted you on your feet with one hand movement. “I’m Mr.D, and this is my, well, little associate. We’re merely here for an interview with the most amazing singing group in the world, the Dazzlings.” “I know who you are…” Aria said as she crossed her arms, giving Discord an angry stare. Discord sighed as he once again became frustrated, pointing to his eye. “This isn’t an eye infection! And he comes from a country where millions like him do cheap labor, so he’s used to it!” “What?! You’re seriously going with that!?” The hell was he on? You weren’t that kind of kid! Discord turns his head towards you with an intense look. “Well, you were when I found you, right?!” You raised a finger as you were about to tell him he was wrong. But… Er… No, no, he wasn’t wrong. When Discord turned around to face the girls once again, however, he found Aria’s accusing finger in his face. “Whatever, I know you’re actually Discord!” Oh… Oh shit… Actually, why did Discord feel like hiding that fact, anyway? It wasn’t like they wouldn’t figure it out when he began to question them on them being actual sirens from Equestria. Then again, he probably thought that whole ‘Mr.D’ shtick would have flown throughout his entire charade. “W-wherever did you get that i-idea?” Discord said as he was taken aback. Aria crossed her arms as she gave Discord quite the stink-eye. “Everyone knows who you are. You’re the Mad Music Mogul, Discord, of Discordant Records.” “Mad Music Mogul?” Discord said in confusion. “Mad Music… Mogul?” Discord said in further confusion as he pointed to himself. He then slowly looked towards you. “Mad. Music. Mogul?” You just shrugged. You don’t remember a human Discord at all. But, huh, so what? Was Aria excited to meet him? “Are you telling me my alter self amounts to nothing but an eccentric mu-oh?!” When Discord turned to face Aria once more, he comes face to face with her fist, threatening to slug him. “Excuse me?” “You can excuse yourself out of here! Or do you want my fist in your face?!” Aria growled at him. “Huh? But Aria, isn’t this a good thing? He wants to interview us!” Sonata said in visible confusion and excitement. “Sonata! Do you realize who this is?! This is Discord! He’s a huge jerk, that’s all he is. You should know what he wants. It’s what he always does. Tricks bands into playing so he can call them terrible on his April Fools albums. Or bring them down in his stupid rags. How could you possibly listen to him?!” Aria asked in befuddlement. Sonata shrugged. “He gave me a taco… I think. I may have been dreaming.” Aria just put her hand to her head as she sighed. “Sonata…” So, that’s what it was. It seems even in this universe, Discord was also a prick. “Pardon me, but I can assure you that I don’t wish to put you in any magazine. This is more of a personal venture, you see.” Discord said as he tried to reassure her that he had no ill intent. “Yeah, no, you can either get out of here, or I can put you on a venture to the ground. Six feet under.” Aria said as she began to crack her knuckles. “Wow, Aria, you’re extra mad tonight. So, um, are you going to put that kid in the ground too?” Sonata asked as she pointed to you. “Wha? Kid?” Aria then turned her head towards you, and actually seemed astonished at your presence. “Oh man, who’s the twerp?” Oh, here we go! Game face, Anon. “I’m, uh…” Fuck! You didn’t plan for this! “I’m Discord’s son?” “What? Discord doesn’t have a son.” Aria then looked back at Discord, with utter disgust. “I know we're bad, but that’s just gross. What? Did you adopt a kid to make yourself look better or something?” Discord nodded, with no shame whatsoever. “Why, yes, I did exactly that.” “Yeah, I’m gonna go get the bat, no one will miss him.” Aria was about to turn around when suddenly the van’s side door slid opened and then slammed shut. As the final Dazzling stepped out of the van, in a heavy coat and a cup of hot cocoa in hand. “Save it, Aria. And stop overreacting. It’s pretty rare to have someone important in our midst.” “Adagio! C’mon, not you too! Don’t you know who that is?!” Aria said, arms wretched in frustration. “Oh…” Adagio takes a small sip of her cup. “Of course I do. Hello, Discord. It’s been, what? Over a thousand moons?” Oh shit, both you and Discord were massively surprised by that. She completely saw through the facade, Discord let out a bit of a nervous chuckle. “Ah, yes, I… Hrm, I suppose you know I’m from Equestria then?” “Seriously?! It’s him?! That Discord?! C’mon, we have to get our revenge! If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t be here!” Aria said, pointing back at Discord, her face becoming red with rage. “Wha?!” Wait, what?! “Hold on, you’re the reason they’re here?! I thought that was Starswirl.” “Oh, don’t be mistaken, it totally was Starswirl that sent us here. But we wouldn’t have had to try to sap so much negative energy from a village all at once if Discord here didn’t trick us into performing for a bunch of angry badgers that scratched us up from Tartarus and back.” Adagio then looked to Sonata with a scowl. “Or if someone didn’t let him worm his way in with the promise of tacos.” Sonata gave a sheepish smile as she recoiled back. “Ah, hrm, erm… Sorry?” “Oh, it’s fine.” Adagio said as she approached you and leaned down to give you a poke on the nose. “So, adopted son, huh? Adorable.” Adagio then looked at Discord with a cocky smirk. “So, who wrangled you in, Discord? It’s clear you’re not here to take over, it seems you’re oh so over that.” Adagio let out a mocking chuckle. “What happened, really? Did Starswirl spank you and make you cry and turn over a new leaf?” Discord was now visibly pissed off at the insults and insinuations, he was snapping his fingers continuously at his side, but nothing was happening but sparks. “No…” He growled lowly. “Just. Here. For an interview.” “How cute, of course you are.” Adagio said with an adoringly false smile as she looked at him with dominating eyes. She then took a sip once again, her eyes never leaving his. “Silly me, it’s been so long and here I am talking about old times. So uncool, that stuff happened long ago. Clean slate, right?” Oh no, she wasn’t gonna give us shit. You looked over to see if Discord was buying it. Thankfully, it looked like he wasn’t.  “Hrm, I can practically taste the petty hatred you have for me from here.” Discord said as he did his best to calm down, wiping back his hair and straightening his suit. “But, it is extremely misguided. I may be from Equestria, yes. But I’m not the Discord you speak of. You see, that Discord exists beyond the rift between here and the Equestria you know of. And I can assure you, that Discord doesn’t have a son. Knowing that, surely you can give us some of your time? Just a bit, and we’ll be out of your hair.” Discord said, giving her a reassuring smile. Huh, actually, that’s true. The timeline of your Equestria didn’t have the mirror. So maybe Discord didn’t do that? “Oh? Well, that makes everything better then! So, what happened to your version of us then?” Adagio said with a big smile. Discord stopped… Shit, it was the same shit, wasn’t it? “Yeah, thought so.” Adagio said in a mocking teenage tone. “Alright, girls, let’s get back inside. I’m done dealing with these dweebs.” So, that was it, wasn’t it? You looked over at Discord, who didn’t seem defeated quite yet, as he was muttering to himself, trying to figure something out. But you? Was there something you could do? You reached into your coat, and began to pull out a magic wand. It was, in fact, your trust horn, turned into a wand for this world. You actually wanted to help Discord, even if it was for petty reasons. Fuck morality, he was your partner, and whenever the chips were down, he was there for you. So it was time to be there for him. > Chapter 3 - Anon's Power > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Hold it right there!” You said, pointing towards the girls like a cheap anime character. The Dazzlings turned around, confused and perturbed by your words. Adagio looked at you with disgust. “What is it now, Twerp? It’s over, we’re not giving you squat.” You snicker cooly to yourself as you wave your wand a bit. “To my Dad? Yeah, I get you. But see, I understand the situation. I know exactly what you want, need, and can’t go without!” Aria just moved close to Sonata and whispered “What’s wrong with this kid? Does he think he’s some cartoon character?” Sonata smiled adorably. “I like cartoons! I think we should hear him out!” Adagio groaned as she looked over at Sonata with frustration. “Sonata, if he’s Discord’s kid, then he’s-Wha?!” Adagio and the other two step to the side in surprise as a small pyramid of briefcases, stuffed with cash, appear beside them. “The heck is this?” “Aha! I see you’re impressed. Behold! Over a trillion dollars, enough to set you up for life, especially with the right investments.” You say, your wand pointing to the pyramid of cash. You then do a fantastic spin as you point towards their van, zapping it with another spell as the door opens, revealing an impossibly decadent and huge interior. “And why pay for a mansion when you can live in one that stays with you wherever you go? The van itself should now be invincible. Haha, watch out everyone else on the road!” You then point upwards as sparks fly up like fireworks. “And finally, the last gift for you all. A huge tasty supply of AGSDGFSDSDGSDF” You were then crushed by a bevy of tacos landing on you. The three girls just looked on in utter confusion. Except for Sonata, whose eyes were wide and glistening at the sight of the large taco pile. Discord just walked up to the pile and took a taco to munch on as he addressed the girls. “Yes, I know, it’s crazy how he keeps fumbling his spells. Though, to be fair, he has been a quadruped for so long he’s forgotten the consequences of pointing straight up.” “Uh huh, and what is this all supposed to be, exactly?” Adagio said, unimpressed. “What are you talking about, Adagio? Look at all this cash! This kid has to be legit.” Aria said as she began sifting through the briefcases greedily. “I know! eeee!” Sonata said giddily “You can even smell them! The meat and cheese is so warm! I gotta have a bite!” Sonata rushed to grab a taco to eat, before Adagio grabbed her by the collar. “Hold on, you’re not taking a single bite!” Adagio snapped as she pulled back Sonata. “And, Aria? Drop the cash, we don’t need it.” “What do you mean we don’t need it? Are you crazy or something?” Aria said, utterly shocked Adagio wouldn’t just take the cash. “Crazy? No. I’m also not stupid. How do we know all of this won’t disappear once we do the interview?” Adagio asked, staring over at Discord. Discord groaned at her, then sighed. “If you must know, my son has been poisoned somewhat by the ideologies of pony culture. Namely the Princess of Friendship herself has influenced him, so much so it nearly ended our Equestria over something that could have been easily avoided. Something I’d never do, I assure you.” “See?” Aria said, arms pointed towards Discord. “Yeah, I get it. Fine, I’ll accept that he means it. But I’m still saying no.” Adagio said, to the surprise of everyone. “What?! How can you say no to all this?! You’d have to be a fool to choose poverty over all this wealth!” Discord said, utterly flabbergasted and internally devastated by her words. “Adagio… The tacos.” Sonata said with glistening sad and begging eyes. “You wanna know why?” Adagio said as she violently pushed and pointed her finger into Discord’s chest. “Because knowing you’ll fail, knowing that this will crush you, and knowing how much keeping something that means so much to you away is all I could ever want for Christmas. Now go away! And take all this junk with you.” “Adagio!” Aria said in a fit of rage. “You are crazy! He’s not even the guy that got us sealed!” Adagio just crossed her arms as she looked at Aria boredly. “And? He was still a part of it.” “Adagio, I’m usually always going along with what you want. But not this time! This can set us up practically forever! I don’t want to live another day in the gutter because you want to be sooooooo petty! Do you really want to give this up!? He’s willing to give us everything we could ever want ever!” Aria barked at her. Suddenly, Adagio became blank faced, then an evil smile began to form. A cruel and evil little smile. “Everything we could want, huh?” Suddenly Adagio reached into the taco pile and pulled you out violently, grabbing onto the neck of your coat. “Hey, Squirt, you want an interview from us so bad?” “Wha? What? What haprefidhiofhisdfo” Adagio was shaking you from your dazed state as she yelled the question at you again. “W-what? I mean, yeah. So, will you do it?” “Oh yeah…” Adagio said with a snicker as she gently put you down. “But not for this. No, you want the interview? You give us a one way ticket back to Equestria, at full power. Break Starswirl’s stupid spell and we’ll spill our guts to you. How does that sound?” “Oh.. Huh, that works too.” Aria said, seemingly wanting that as well. “B-but, the tacos…” Sonata cried as she saddingly pointed towards the pile. “Forget the tacos already! This is more important. So, what do you say, kid? I mean, it isn’t your Equestria, right? What do you care if we get back to it or not?” Adagio asked, her tone becoming nicer as she began to brush the meat and cheese off your coat. …? Uh… You look over at Discord, who just shrugs back at you. “Okay, sure.” What did you care? She was right, it wasn’t your Equestria. And since, as much as you hate to say it, it hasn’t been influenced by you in any way, they would surely just get their asses kicked and sent back here, or locked away in Tartarus. No muss, no fuss. “Okay, sure? Are you serious?” Aria said, with heavy doubt. “Yeah… ARE you serious?” Adagio asked, surprised herself by your casual answer. You just shrugged. “Yeah, why not? You’re fine with it, right, Dad?” Discord shrugged as well. “I don’t care, as long as I get what I want.” “Huh… That was easy.” Adagio said with a shrug. “Okay, so give us back our power first. You know, as an advance, and we’ll do the interview.” You raise your wand to cast the spell… Until suddenly. “WAIT!” Sonata yelled out. “Grrr, enough about the stupid tacos already, Sonata! We’re about to get our powers back!” Aria growled. “But… What if he only agreed because he knows that by not influencing that Equestria in any way, we would just get our butts kicked and sent back here? Or worse, locked away in Tartarus? There’d be no muss, no fuss… For him I mean.” Sonata explained. “Huh… Well, that’s the smartest thing you ever said… Ever.” Adagio said, actually impressed with Sonata’s deductions. “It was? I thought solving that multiplication problem was much smarter.” Sonata said with a cute smile. “You mean eight times nine?” Aria said with an annoyed huff. “Yeah, the one you got wrong, Aria! That’s the one!” Sonata said ignorantly. “Sonata, I swear-!” Aria was revving up a punch when Adagio yelled out at the both of them. “Will you two can it!” Adagio bellowed at the both of them before looking at you with a venomous glare. “Should have known there was a trick.” “Ahrm, if I may interject!” Discord said as he stepped up to your side. “He did offer you three amazing gifts beforehand. And he didn’t say that is what he planned to happen. Wouldn’t it be fair to say that your friend is merely overestimating Twilight, her amazing friend, and the rest?”  “Sure, it would be fair. But you’re not a fair guy, are you, Discord?” Adagio said, turning her glare towards him. “Well, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but obviously not. But he is!” Discord said as he grabbed your shoulders and gave you a gentle shake. “Won’t you give him a chance? Don’t you want to return home?” Adagio crossed her arms once again, and began to give it some silent thought. She outreached her hand towards Aria. “Aria, bat.” Fucking hell! She was more stubborn than fucking Chrysalis! “Ugh… Fine.” Aria groaned as she went to grab her bat and give it to Adagio. “Wait!” Sonata yelled out once again. “What?! What is it this time?!” Aria shouted at Sonata. “Because if it’s about tacos this time, I’m gonna give you the bat first! to the head!” “No! This is more important! I know a way to make this all work!” Sonata said proudly. “You do?” You said, confused. Like, seriously? What could she possisDFDSFSD Sonata suddenly got on her knees and began to snuggle you, and like, really snuggle you. She was caressing your hair and rubbing your back as she blew softly into your ear. G-g-g-guh…hmmnggg… Oh god, oh god, she was walking her fingers suddenly on your chest. Aria was actually disgusted by this. “Sonata.. You know, like… That he’s a kid?” She then gave you a peck on the lips. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING! You were putty in her hands… Until suddenly… “Yoink!” Sonata yelled out as she hopped back. Yoink? Huh? Mnnnn Mnnnnnn… “Anon…” Discord said with a groan as he pointed towards Sonata “Would you snap out of it, please?” Wut? You looked up, and… Oh no… “Sonata, wow… Just, I’m… Okay, I’ll give it to you.” Aria began to clap. Sonata was holding up your wand in victory. “Oh, it was nothing. I noticed how he seemed all gooey about me earlier, so I just worked a little magic and, well, we win! Now we can get all the tacos we want, forever!” “Or…” Adagio snatches the wand, holding it up. “We take what we want, and conquer both this world and Equestria.” Adagio cackled before she brushed her hair back, looking at Discord. “Oh, and no interview for you.” “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU!” Discord snarled as he began snapping rapidly at Adagio, with no magic to make up for it. Adagio just snickered at him, unimpressed. “Out of gas, Discord? How convenient.” “No!” Fuck, no, how?! It was Cozy all over again! Fucking hell, it was worse! “Well, good job, Anon, you doomed everything. Oh, also I’m telling Diamond Tiara about what happened. Shameful. Just. Shameful.” Discord said with rather sudden calm disappointment. “Awww, don’t be so hard on the kid, Discord.” Adagio said as she held the wand high up. “Without him, we wouldn’t be making our universal comeback tour! HAHAHAHA” Fuck! Fuck! You rushed to grab the wand from her, but Aria grabbed and held you by the head as you tried to rush forward. “Hold it right there, Twerp, you’re not going anywhere.” NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! NOT… wait. You were a human, humans don’t fucking fight fair. And even then, these were girls. And as you thought about that, an old Dragonball Z dub began to ring in your head. You could hear Piccolo’s voice. It said… “I know for damn sure you’re not familiar with this, but the cootchy is a woman’s weak spot. You punch her in the cootchy and it goes like ‘cgh chghu', and then she be falling down to the ground on her knees like ‘aah’!...” It was your only hope… You backed up your head and bit down on Aria’s hand like a dog, causing her to yelp and pull it back as she threatened you. But you paid her no mind as your rushed towards Adagio, who was about to point the wand at you. But you were of the right size, and you were quick and nimble, so you fling back your fist and slam it right into Adagio’s cootchy, as hard as you can, with a twisting punch! Adagio suddenly fell down to the ground, on her knees, as she let out an “Ahh!”. You also swore you could hear some squishy sounds but your attention was now on the flying wand that fell from her hand. You ran back down in the confusion and managed to catch the wand. Discord actually seemed wildly impressed, and clapped. “Amazing, Anon, simply astounding! A little too violent for my taste, but you could practically taste the chaos! And- wait, where are you going?” “FUCKING RUUUUUN! FUCKING RUUUUUUUUN!” You yelled towards Discord as you made a mad dash in any direction, Discord following you as Aria and Sonata began to tend to the fallen Adagio. Goddamn…what to do now? > Chapter 4 - An Explosive Finish? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Goddammit! Goddammit, I fucked up!” You yelled as you sat on the end of a slide at a nearby playground. “How the fuck did I fall for such a cheap trick?!” “Yes, it is rather concerning. I could nip that in the bud for you if you like. But then again, Fluttershy so wishes to be a great aunt.” Discord said as he paced back and forth in front of a pair of swings. You just look up at him with a grumpy frown. Even after all that, he still wants to be an ass? “And here I was about to feel bad that we didn’t get the interview you wanted.” “I need no tears for that failed venture, Anon.” Discord said with a sigh as he looked down, chin being held by his hand, as he looked down to the ground with a serious glare. “No, it seems there will be no celebration at all. It just wasn’t in the cards. I’m afraid we’ll have to abandon our quest for something much more important.” Wut? “Wha, huh? You’re just giving up? That isn’t like you. Unless that something more important is capturing them for Twilight or something.” “Ah, a very effective replacement of an idea, Anon. But, no, that isn’t it.” Discord then looks back through the hollows of the trees. “Do you not see how they live? One thousand years of… what? This? They’ve been abandoned, and much like someone great, they gave one last attempt to reclaim their glory and failed. But unlike said person, they have no one else but themselves.” …Wut? “Uhhh, Discord? You alright?” Discord looked at his glove hand, and clenched it as he sighed. “I’m perfectly alright, I feel at peace with myself, but troubled with what I have witnessed. Perhaps, if that other me had not done what he did, they would have had a better life.” ………Wut? “Discord. Do you feel, like, sorry for them?” Discord looked back at you with tears in his eyes. “Yes.” ……………….Wut? “Do you, like, want to help them… Or something?” Discord’s eyes shimmered. “Yes.” …………………………………..Wut? “Discord, are you literally feeling humanity course through you? Like, the figurative definition of it?” Discord fell to his knees and cried pathetically. “Yes!” Oh god, he wasn’t used to being human in a pony-adjacent universe. Especially with Christmas going on. You sighed and walked up to him, patting his back. “Okay, buddy, I know how it is to want to redeem others so badly. I got your ba-” Suddenly, a loud snap and smashing sound comes from behind your head as half a bat flies forward past you. You look back with a blank expression to see Sonata holding a broken bat.  “Uhhh, aren’t you supposed to be knocked out?” Sonata asked as she held the broken bat towards you. “No. And don’t ask, it’s a thing about my he-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SNEAKING UP ON US WITH A BAT!?” You yelled out at her as the gravity of the situation dawned on you. “Eep! Stay back!” Sonata said, holding the handle like a sword. “I still have the other half!” You were about to call the whole thing off when you noticed something. It was JUST Sonata here, the other two weren’t with her. That’s odd. “Whatever. Look, why are you here? What, to take my wand?” Sonata nodded quickly, still holding the bat handle towards you. “Okay, that’s not gonna happen. Seriously, Sonata, do you think I’m just going to give it to you after you smacked my head with a bat? You know what? Fuck it, do you really think I’d let you conquer the multiverse just like that?” You said, angrily at her. She just nodded again. Okay then… “Well, no, that’s not happening. So just go back, leave us alone, and wallow in your own shit!” Sonata recoiled at that, as tears began to fill her eyes. “Please, don’t! I need that wand, honest!” This crap again? “You won’t get me this time. You could offer to give me a handy and I’d still say no.” Sonata shook her head. “I-I don’t know what that is, but I would, anything. I need the wand, really! If you don’t, ngh…” She suddenly dropped the handle of the bat as she drooped forward. “Then Aria and Adagio are going to split. They haven’t stopped arguing since you both ran away. I’ve never seen them argue this bad, and I got really scared. Please, we’ve never been apart, and this is the only way to stop it from happening!” “You’d give me a…” Wait, no. Huh? Woah woah… “You mean, if you don’t get the wand, you’re all just going to split up?” Sonata nodded, tears in her eyes. “Y-yes… Adagio is blaming Aria for not holding you down when she had your wand. And Aria is blaming Adagio for being so petty in the first place. Everything you offered disappeared, and it really set Aria off. I tried to calm them down, but it didn’t work. So I took Aria’s bat and tried to, well, knock you out and take your wand. S-sorry, I just…” Sonata fell to her knees, crying again as she held her hands to her eyes. “I’m scared, I don’t want to be alone. And I don’t want them to be alone either. We’ve always been together. Always.” Was she being genuine? You suddenly felt pretty bad for her. But even then, you couldn’t give up the wand, as it still sounds like it’d cause a multiversal meltdown. ”Sonata, even if you’re telling the truth, I can’t give you the wand.” Sonata sniffed and sobbed. “I-I know, but I… I wanted to try to get it anyway.” She slowly stood up, and waved pathetically at you as she turned to walk off. “I-I’m just going to go. S-sorry, really. M-maybe I can convince them to still stay the night in the van… Maybe they’ll decide to stick around anyway.” She then let out a little whine. “I can just never have a Christmas where everyone is just happy for once…” “Hm…” Discord suddenly rose up, and looked to Sonata as he gently called out to her. “My dear Sonata, how I sympathize with your pain. While we cannot give you the wand, perhaps we can assist you with this problem you have found yourself in.” “H-hm?” Sonata looked back at Discord, her face flushed and tears running. “W-what do you mean?” “Believe it or not. Anon and I have a great amount of experience with issues such as this. Redemption and all that. Did you know that I even managed to redeem the queen of the changelings?” Discord said with a large grin. “Ugh…” You groaned as you brought your hand to your face. “You literally shot a poison dart into me, jackass.” “Hey, whatever works.” Discord said with a shrug.  “Redemption? You mean, becoming good guys?” Sonata asked. “It isn’t as bad as you think. You have the attention of those who care about you, you can have tea time, you’re invited to so many events, and you can still annoy those who deserve it and then hide behind your friends should it backfire. Trust me, it has its perks.” Discord said. “I’d like that, actually. If it means we stick together, then I’m willing to try anything! B-besides, it sounds like it means we’d actually be able to celebrate Christmas. You know… If we had… Friends?” Sonata said with an unsure gulp. “Ah, there it is, the magic word. Because, as we all know…” Discord’s fancy suit suddenly began to shimmer in gold as a golden top hat appeared on his head. “...Friendship is Magic!” You groaned at that, but you also could barely hide a smile.  “Wow!” Sonata’s eyes began to shimmer as she brought her hands together in amazement. “That’s amazing! Thank you!” “Ah, don’t thank us yet. We still need to come up with a plan, of course. Now…” Discord began to rub his hand under his chin. “What can we do to make this work?” Hm, you actually felt inspired by Discord. You were ready to abandon this world and say fuck it, but whether this was genuine or the Christmas Spirit, you really felt the urge to help. “Hold on, Discord, I got this.” You wave your wand a bit, then hold it towards Sonata. “Here, take it.” Sonata was suddenly surprised. “R-really? But, wouldn’t this just make me a bad guy then?” “It’s alright, trust me. Take it back, and it should make everything better.” You tell her with a gentle smile. “I… I dunno…” Sonata said as she looked away, unsure. But after a moment, she reluctantly took it. “But, if it means not splitting up, then I’ll take it. I-I’ll try to convince them not to do anything bad with it, okay?” You just nodded, feeling sure of yourself. “It’s fine, just make sure they don’t end up splitting up, alright?” Sonata nodded, and hugged you. “Thank you so so so so much! You can trust me, I promise I won’t mess up! Ohhh, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever!” Sonata jumped up with glee as she immediately made her way back towards the other two Dazzlings. Discord just walked up next to you, and sighed. “She’s going to explode in front of them, isn’t she?” “Yep.” You said nonchalantly. “Don’t you think the whole ‘fake death’ thing is overplayed? Really, Anon, I expect more from you.” Discord said as he looked at you with fatherly disappointment. You just shrugged. “Hey, to paraphrase you, ‘as long as it works’ “ “Touche” Discord lamented. “Ah well, let’s go see them grovel to have her back and repent for their trivial squabbles.” Discord, with his magic seemingly working again now that he’s given in to whatever he’s feeling, snaps his fingers, teleporting you both behind a nearby tree. You both could hear Aria and Adagio arguing still. “He was a shrimp, Aria! How many times do I have to make it clear?! We were this close! This is why I always have to babysit you two! You both always screw things up!” Adagio shouted. “Sonata almost got us the wand, you bonehead! And besides! How did you go down to a punch from a ‘shrimp’?! Oh wait, maybe if we had just accepted the kid’s offer, we’d be eating shrimp in a jacuzzi right now!” Aria fired back. “And what, accept… This? All this? Getting tricked by Discord, defeated by Starswirl, then defeated again by Sunset and her dumb friends?! You so don’t get the point! This is why we’re over! And since the van is mine, you can go sleep in a motel or a trash can for all I care!” Adagio growled back at her. “Fine! But I’m taking Sonata with me, you want to bash your head thinking about the past? Great! Super! But you can do it alone!” Aria said as she stomped and pointed at Adagio. “Welp, okay, I can see why Sonata was upset enough to try to smash my head in with a bat.” You said, observing the two’s argument. “Eh, I expected worse. Twilight could have this cleaned up in, I think, twenty two minutes or so?” Discord nonchalantly guessed. “Yeah, well, we’re about to get this cleaned up right now. Sonata is coming. Just follow my lead.” Oh yeah, time to be a real prick. Discord just yawned, but allowed you to lead on. “Yes, yes. Do your thing.” “Girls, girls! Look!” Sonata yelled out as she ran towards the arguing pair. “Sonata, will you be quiet! I’m trying to put Aria in her… Wait, what?” Adagio looked on over as she saw Sonata running down with the wand, held up high for them to see. “Well, well… Still wanna go, Aria?” “Ngh, Shut up.” Aria said in a defeated tone as she too noticed Sonata running over. “How did she…?” Aria put her hand over her eyes to try to look closer. “That does look like the wand. Crazy, I never knew she was that good at taking stuff.” “Look!” Sonata said as she jumped up excitingly, a small distance from the pair, pointing at the wand. “Now can you stop fighting?! I’ll make us a super taco supreme if you dooooo!” Adagio actually smirked, impressed as she put her hand to her hip. “I guess I’m down for that. Oh and, Aria? You can stick around if you want. But from now on, it’s my way or the highway. We’re about to take this world by storm, and I don’t need you holding me back.” “Wow, seriously?” Aria said with a snarl. “Sonata was the one who got the wand back, Adagio. Maybe she should be the one in charge for once, at least she got things done.” “I’M IN CHARGE, ME!” Adagio suddenly snapped at her, pointing towards herself. “We’re the Dazzlings, as in, Adagio Dazzling. ME! I’ve waited too long for this, we all have! But if you want to change course? Fine! Go! But Sonata stays with me! You can go do whatever you want to do, solo!” “Shut up, already! You, you, you, you! Your ideas stink, they always stunk! How about I take the wand, and show you how it’s really done!” Aria barked back. “No! No! You’re not supposed to be arguing! Look, I have the wand! Didn’t you see it?! We’re supposed to be the best of forever friends! Stop talking like you’re not! If you want to take over everything, fine! But we gotta do it together! W-why…” Her words were falling on deaf ears as they continued to argue towards each other. “Ngh! Why?! What’s going to get you two to stop and make up! What?! Do I have to blow u-” And before she could even finish her sentence, she exploded violently as blood and guts sprayed across the snow. The wand flew upwards from the blast, with a flicker of light. It was enough to catch the two off guard as the spray of gore flew around. Both of them looked shocked, horrified even. Aria was silent for a moment, before reaching towards where Sonata stood. “S-Sonata? Sonata? No, what happened?! She didn’t just blow up, right?! T-that didn’t happen, right?” As the wand flew down, you appeared out of nowhere to catch it, just as planned. The perfect spell. “There we go, that’s what she gets for taking things that aren’t hers.” “Y-you!” Aria pointed angrily, tears running down her face. “You didn’t! You couldn’t have!” “But I did. What do you care? She was just an annoying taco girl, right? Besides, it didn’t look like you guys were really friends anyway with the way you treated her.” You say, looking at the wand as you gave them an arrogant smirk. “N-ngh, S-... Ngh…” Aria fell to her knees, she couldn’t process what was happening as she looked down at the chunks of Sonata. “Sonata, I… I… This has to be a dream, right?” You laughed evilly. “It’s no dream. Should have taken my offer. Ah well, I’ll leave you two to it then. Me and Dad are gonna get out of here now, I don’t want to deal with your pathetic tears.” Adagio just seemed to be in silent shock, and Aria was both livid and in excruciating agony at the ‘loss’ of Sonata. “Sonata…” Aria couldn’t even muster her anger, she didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t process that someone she knew for so long died in front of her. “Sonata, I… Ngh, I didn’t even… I’m… Sorry.” Okay, maybe you really did overdo it this time. Aria just seemed utterly broken while Adagio… Wait, what was she doing? “Adagio, what’s up? Got something to say? Anything?” Adagio took a moment, then reached down to pick up a ball of snow that had some of Sonata’s blood on it. She then took a lick, almost confidently. “...Cherry.” C-cherry? “Adagio! What’s wrong with you?! How can you think of cherries when he… Ngh!” Aria held on to herself, feeling a flash of cold and dread around her. “Ugh, Aria, you’re such a baby. Sonata didn’t explode, it’s a trick. Discord isn’t one to eliminate anyone, he doesn’t find it fun. I highly doubt he’d let his pathetic worm of a son do anything this extreme.” Adagio then looked at you with a confident smirk. “Am I right, Anon? That was your name, right? Gotta hand it to you, you almost got me. But if Discord got tamed by a bunch of pathetic ponies, then I really doubt you’d be much better than he is. Awww, look at you, it’s so adorable when someone else’s plan just falls apart. What? Did you want me to feel bad or something?” Shit… “U-uhhh…” When you looked towards Discord, who was still hiding behind a tree, he was just mockingly clapping. Fuck, for once, you probably should have listened to him. You weren’t expecting Adagio to figure you out. Adagio rolled her eyes at you. “Puh-leeeeaze, you’re so pathetic. I don’t feel bad over anything, ever. I could hear Sonata whining about us splitting up or whatever, because she just doesn’t put that much thought into thinking. It’s why you managed to trick her so easily. We don’t split up, ever. If they want to leave, that’s their 'choice'. But this right here? This is why I’m the leader, this is why they follow ME! Because I’m literally the only one who puts any thought into anything.” Adagio then looks at Aria with a dominating snarl. “And that’s exactly what I was talking about. You let this twerp trick you again! It’s like I said, if you had just held him down, we’d already be taking things over.” Aria just sat on her knees, tear-filled, defeated. “Right…” “Yeah, exactly, I’m right.” Adagio said with a self satisfied smirk. “So, why don’t you bring her back, and get out of our faces. I’m tired of you two jokers.” D-dammit… You didn’t know what to do this time. It wasn’t like anything was at stake, but to just lose, and leave things as they are? It didn’t feel good at all. You didn’t know how to follow up such a colossal failure. You actually wished Twilight was here, she’d know what to do. But then, you felt the gentle warmth of a hand touching the back of your shoulder. It was Discord, and he seemed ready to back you up. But, with what? What was his plan?