//------------------------------// // 7: Climactic Clarification Cleanses the Conscious // Story: Too Much of a Good Thing // by Jatheus //------------------------------// “Twilight!” Pinkie Pie shrieked so loudly that her hair nearly went straight. Without waiting for a response, she charged into the Castle of Friendship for the second time that day. Though nearly frantic, she took just enough care to not run into anything, having again learned that lesson just hours before. Even coming around a corner and finding herself face to face with Spike, she managed to deftly leap over him with all the hardened skill one would only expect to see in a rodeo horse. He went stiff as a board, teetering like a bowling pin and nearly falling over as the mare spun around and steadied him. “Have you seen Twilight?” she panted. Spike lifted a claw and pointed, a look of shock on his face. “Thanks! And sorry!” Pinkie Pie yelled over her shoulder as she galloped away in the direction he had indicated. Bursting into the library, Pinkie Pie quickly spotted the lavender Alicorn sitting at a table with a stack of books. Several of them were opened, and she used her magic to hold a quill with which she was making notes on a scroll. Hooves thundered against the hard crystalline floor as Pinkie Pie closed the distance. The Princess of Friendship looked up and gasped, dropping her quill. “What in the wide world of Equestria are you wearing?” “Twilight! You’ve got to help me!” “What’s wrong?” “It’s Cheese Sandwich! Every time I’ve tried to get his attention today, it falls flatter than cupcakes with no leavening! The baby making has stopped! What can I do!” “Take a breath,” Twilight Sparkle said as she took her friend by the shoulders and demonstrated. “In and out. Slow down.” Spike poked his head into the opened door, staring with cautious curiosity. Shaking her head, Pinkie Pie continued, “There’s no time for that! This is a sexual emergency!” The young dragon’s eyes widened, and he silently backed away, closing the door. Twilight Sparkle regarded her frantic friend for a moment. “I conclude you took Rainbow Dash’s advice to be aggressive, and it did not yield the results you were wanting.” “Like a party where the guest of honor never shows up. You’ve got to help me!” “What do you want me to do about it?” Twilight’s nose wrinkled. “Advice! I know you must have read a book about this.” “Oh, I’ve read dozens.” Pinkie Pie shuddered, trying to not yell at her friend, but she was desperate for information. She had to find a way to get Cheese Sandwich to cooperate. “There’s hundreds of ways to approach a potential mate or initiate intercourse with your spouse. Are you sure that’s really the problem?” “What do you mean?” “Have you ever had a problem like this before?” Pinkie Pie stopped, removing her kepis to scratch her mane in thought, “No, not really. I mean, we’ve kind of usually been on board when the other wants to party.” “Okay, now keeping that in mind for a minute, who did Cheese Sandwich marry?” “Me, duh! That was an easy one.” “So you know that you and Cheese Sandwich love each other, and that normally you are both happy to... party. There is a magic to your relationship that is unique to you. It’s not a gimmick or new approach that you need.” A flash of memory bolted through Pinkie Pie, “You’re right! Magic is what I need!” “No, I mean to say that-“ “How did I forget about that? Thanks, Twilight!” Pinkie Pie turned and galloped to the door, throwing it open and fleeing even faster than she’d come, not listening as the Princess of Friendship called after her. Twilight Sparkle stared at the open door, unsure whether to interfere with whatever course on which Pinkie Pie had just set herself. Spike warily entered the room, “You know, now might be a good time for a vacation.” Twilight smiled sadly, “I... I just wish I’d been able to steer her a little better.” “Come on, Twilight. It’s Pinkie Pie. You know how hard it is to change her mind when she’s fixated on something. There’s not anything else you could have done.” “I suppose you’re right about that,” she let her head drop to the table with a soft thud. “Why does nobody ever listen to me?” ... Starlight Glimmer’s kite soared into the air. The weather was perfect. It was sunny with just enough wind to really enjoy the hobby properly. She never even heard Pinkie Pie coming. “Starlight! You’ve got to help me!” So startled was the unicorn by the sudden arrival that she nearly fell over, losing her telekinetic grip on her kite. “Pinkie Pie! What are you wearing?” As soon as she realized it was just Pinkie Pie, she quickly ignited her magic to gently snatch the kite out of the air, bringing it to the ground so she could secure it. As for the pink party pony, she was catching her breath and did not reply to the initial query. “What can I do for you?” “So… you were telling me before about some magic that can help a couple get their groove on. I need it!” “Are you sure? Once a spell like that gets going-“ “Yes! Come with me! I’ll explain on the way.” Pinkie Pie turned and began galloping away, catching Starlight Glimmer a little off guard. The unicorn quickly wrapped up her kite and lifted it with magic and pursued her frantic, oddly dressed companion. “Pinkie Pie!” Starlight called as she caught up, “What is that crazy outfit?” “I was trying a different approach to get Cheese Sandwich to cooperate, but it didn’t work. I’m going to have a word with Rainbow Dash when this is all over.” Not sure whether she wanted to know more, the unicorn decided to put that line of questioning aside for a moment and follow up on more pressing matters. “So, why do you want me to use the Ebullient Coitus on you and Cheese Sandwich?” “Starlight, I have tried everything I can think of, but he just keeps doing chores around the house. We are working overtime to make a foals, and we haven’t made marital congress all day!” “Are you sure he wants to?” “Don’t be ridiculous! He wants to hold those cutesy wootsy little ones as much as I do! This isn’t love play, it’s serious business!” ... Cheese Sandwich returned to the house cautiously. So far as he could tell, Pinkie Pie had gone after he’d left. The only evidence of the bizarre encounter they’d had was the riding crop, which was on the floor as if it had been carelessly discarded. The way things had escalated throughout the day could not be so easily ignored. Pinkie Pie had set herself into a feedback loop, and there was only one way Cheese Sandwich knew to break it. He would have to sit down with her and talk it out, no matter if it got her feelings hurt in the short term. She would have to meet him half way and understand that he did want foals, as much as she did, but his body needed rest before they went back to work on it. The front door bursting open and slamming against the inner wall made Cheese Sandwich jump with fright. He was in the living room and decided to stand his ground and wait. A mere moment later, Pinkie Pie thundered into the room, skidding to a halt so abruptly that Stalight Glimmer nearly ran into her backside. “Cheese!” Pinkie Pie managed to get out before she collapsed in a heap on the floor, sucking in breath like it were cotton candy. In a bit of confusion, the stallion looked up to the unicorn, “Hello, Starlight.” “It’s good to see you again.” They stood silently a moment as Pinkie Pie heaved for air. “One sec… just need… catch my breath…” “So…” Starlight began awkwardly, “Pinkie Pie tells me you might be interested in trying some magic.” Cheese Sandwich could only guess what his wife had asked for. Although, if there were a magical way to recover his stamina, that could have been a solution to his entire day. Still, a body needs to rest sometimes, and Pinkie Pie certainly didn’t need to be encouraged to continue with her antics, which were still quite out of hoof. “Well, I don’t know about all that. What did you have in mind?” Starlight Glimmer cheeks flushed, “Pinkie, I can’t cast this spell on somepony who doesn’t know what they’re agreeing to. Twilight would banish me to Tartarus!” “I’ll explain it,” Pinkie Pie said as she stood. “Cheese, I know you’ve been really busy working on the house today, but we have skipped our duty. Starlight has a spell, the Embellished Conjunction, and it’s going to help get us ready to take care of business.” Pinkie Pie began stripping off her ridiculous black outfit. “It’s the Ebullient Coitus,” Starlight corrected. The stallion attempted reason, “I don’t think we need any magic to help us-“ “But, Cheese!” Pinkie Pie dropped to her knees in front of him, her hindquarters still draped by black vinyl, “I have literally been throwing myself at you all day with nothing to show for it!” “Pinkie Pie…” he braced himself for the potential atomic detonation of his mate’s disappointment. “I love you, and I’m completely committed to growing our family. But the truth is that you have just worn me out over the last few days. My body needs some time to rest. A day, maybe two at the most and I’ll be ready to get back to work. Our pace has been exhausting, and I just can’t keep it up.” The room fell silent as the pleading in Pinkie’s eyes melted. She processed the new information silently for a moment before standing. “So, that’s why you’ve been ignoring my advances all day?” “Yes.” “Well why didn’t you just say so, silly!” The mare’s stomach growled loudly, “I’m going to make us a snack. I’m sure you’re hungry from all the chores you’ve been doing. La, la la…” She sang to herself as she left the others standing there. Soon she was rummaging around in the kitchen. “So…” Starlight said uncertainly, “I guess I’ll let myself out then…” “Not so fast…” Cheese Sandwich said as he brushed past the unicorn, pursuing Pinkie Pie into the kitchen. Starlight Glimmer, not sure what to do, followed him. The pair found Pinkie Pie rummaging through the cupboards for some bread and fresh fruit. “Do you mean to tell me that you’ve been after me like sprinkles on a cupcake all day, and now you’re fine?” “Of course!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully over her shoulder. “Huh…” She turned to him, “Do you want me to keep chasing you while you’re tired?” Cheese Sandwich made to reply, but realized that he had no response and closed his mouth. “What is it?” Pinkie Pie asked. Cheese Sandwich shrugged, “I guess I’m just a little amazed. Sometimes you can get a little out of control when things get complicated.” “I know exactly what you mean!” Starlight added. “I’d thought you would be really upset by me needing to rest, that’s why I made excuses all day.” “Oh Cheese! You’re always overreacting!” Pinkie Pie giggled. Starlight Glimmer couldn’t help but smile, “I’ll bet Twilight is banging her head on a desk about now asking why nobody ever listens to her. I guess in this case, it was the not knowing that caused all of Pinkie’s stress. So, Cheese, all of your efforts literally caused the problem you were trying to avoid. That’s irony.” Cheese Sandwich chortled in amusement, “I guess it is. Before you go, what was that magic you had wanted to use for us?” … Pinkie Pie grinned at her mate from where she lay. In the cold and darkened room, a nurse pressed an instrument against her abdomen, watching ghostly images appear on a screen. Cheese Sandwich smiled back at her, the fruits of their labor growing daily. The nurse suddenly dropped her jaw in surprise. "Triplets!” Both Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie Pie gasped at the declaration. “What did you two do, mate twice a day for a week?" “But the… how did… it doesn’t…” Cheese Sandwich couldn’t formulate a cohesive thought. He was becoming light headed, possibly on the verge of passing out. He grabbed the table to steady himself. The nurse grinned, "Gotcha!” The mates were too stunned to even laugh. “It's a girl!” … THE END