The Open Road

by Krickis

6 – The Past

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The whole experience was surreal in more ways than one. First off, there was the fact that they were at a sold-out show for a band that Sunset had seen form. It had been four years since Sunset had last seen Bitchette, and back then they were just some local band that no one knew about.

Even stranger was that she was watching Rainbow Dash. She wondered what Rainbow would think if she knew Sunset was in the audience. It had been four years, more than enough time to bury the hatchet, but it was still a worrying thought. Of course, Rainbow didn’t know she was there, and she played an energetic show for the enthusiastic audience.

But the most surreal part of the experience was knowing that Fluttershy was backstage. Her ex-girlfriend, the woman she was going to marry and raise a child with, the life that could’ve been. It wasn’t that Sunset still wanted to make things work with her – and even if she did, it wasn’t like there was any chance of that happening. But there was always that lingering feeling of regret that things turned out the way they did.

Well, it was almost time to try to make up for that. The band was already performing their encore, so any minute now they’d be finished and those with backstage passes could go back to meet with them.

“Thanks for coming out!” Rainbow announced. “We have one more for you tonight. Anyone got a request?”

The crowd started cheering out song titles, with one in particular ringing louder than all the others. ‘Your Impatience’, a song Sunset remembered from their early days which the video at the wax museum had said was their breakthrough song.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Rainbow said with a cocky grin. She played the opening chords of the song on her guitar, and the crowd cheered wildly.

Sunset felt a hand find hers and turned to see Fluttershy. No doubt she knew what was on Sunset’s mind, so Sunset showed her a smile to try and portray a confidence she didn’t feel. It was too loud to talk over the music, so Sunset just stepped closer to her wife.

The song wasn’t a long one, but it felt like it went on forever. The whole time, Sunset’s mind raced with the different ways this meeting could go. It was going to be awkward, there was no doubt there. But it could be a good kind of awkward where neither of them knew exactly what to say, but where they both wanted to start over.

That was the thought Sunset held onto. Starting over wouldn’t be easy, but as long as they both wanted to, they could make it work.

They could make it work. Sunset just had to keep that in mind. Things weren’t so far gone that they couldn’t work out their problems and make up for their past.

The song ended with an explosion of sound as all the band members gave it their all. Sunset was pretty sure this was a new ending over the more toned down ending that the song had once had, possibly something they did since they used it as their show closer. The audience loved it, cheering loudly as the song came to its conclusion.

“Let’s get over to the stage,” Twilight said once the final notes stopped. Sunset nodded and led the way, keeping hold of Fluttershy’s hand so they wouldn’t get separated. Fluttershy did the same with Twilight, who had hold of Spike’s leash. They made their way through the crowd in a chain, keeping together.

It was hard to move through the crowd to get to the stage, but they eventually made it. There was a line of people with backstage passes going in, being checked off by a bouncer as they made it to the door. The group got in place in the line and kept their passes ready.

When they reached the bouncer, he gave Spike an uncertain look. Spike was wearing his service dog vest as well as a pair of dog ear muffs to protect his ears from the loud noises, and he was pressing tightly against Twilight’s legs, taking up as little space as possible just like he was told to do. In the end, the bouncer just checked their passes and let them through without any issues.

Once they were backstage, they immediately looked around for anyone they recognized. All they saw were fans mingling at first, then Sunset noticed there was one place the fans seemed to be congregating. “The band must be over there.”

“Do you want to go up and see them?” Twilight asked.

“I… I don’t know,” Sunset admitted. She was here to see Fluttershy, and while the band could point her in the right direction, there was also a chance that seeing them would go poorly.

“It’ll be okay,” Fluttershy said. “Remember we’re here for you.”

Sunset nodded. “Yeah. Suppose there’s no way around it, let’s see if we can see the band.”

Before they could take a step, however, they heard a voice calling after them. “Twilight! I didn’t know you were coming!”

They turned to see Lemon Zest making her way over towards them, but she stopped short when she saw Sunset. “Wait… aren’t you…?” She furrowed her brow when she saw Fluttershy. “And Shy, your hair… what’s going on here?”

Sunset took a deep breath. “Hey, Lemon Zest. We’re… well, I’m here to see Fluttershy. I wanted to apologize.”

“You’re… you’re not Twilight and Fluttershy are you?” she said to the others. “Or not the ones from this world, anyway.”

“What’s going on?” someone else asked, walking up to them. Sunset didn’t recognize her as anyone other than Bitchette’s bassist, but she was a tall woman with an intimidating aura. “Wait, what the hell? Shy, did you completely change your clothes? And get a wig or something?”

“This isn’t the same Fluttershy, Gilda,” Lemon Zest explained. “This is the one from Equestria.”

Gilda huffed. “Great, we’re back on that.”

“I’m serious.” Lemon Zest nodded towards Sunset. “And this is Sunset Shimmer.”

“What the fuck, like Fluttershy’s ex?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. Look, what the hell are you doing here?”

It made sense that they were skeptical of her. Sunset would just have to impress on them that she had good intentions. “I’m here to see Fluttershy. I want to make up for the past, start over as friends. Mainly I just want to tell her I’m sorry.”

Gilda’s eyes turned towards Fluttershy, no doubt still trying to piece together that this wasn’t the Fluttershy she knew. She frowned and turned away from them. “Oi, Dash, get over here.”

“What’s up, G?” Rainbow called from somewhere else.

“Just get your ass over here!”

Twilight took a step forward. “My name’s Twilight Sparkle. You might have met my double before, she used to go to school with Lemon Zest?”

Gilda arched an eyebrow and didn’t answer.

“Well anyway, what I wanted to say is that we aren’t trying to cause any trouble. But it’s been four years since your world’s Fluttershy and Sunset broke up, and we thought it would be good for them to talk things over and help each other get a little bit of closure.”

“You couldn’t have, I don’t know, called?” Lemon Zest asked. “Maybe sent an email or some shit?”

“I did think of that, I know Applejack or Pinkie could’ve called her for me.” Sunset scratched at the back of her head. “But… I was afraid she would turn it down without a second thought, and I really think it would be better for both of us to finally get the chance to talk.”

 “Because you always know what’s right for her, don’t you?” Rainbow asked as she walked up. She folded her arms and glared at Sunset. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t have security come kick you out right fucking now.”

“Because… I’m sorry. That’s what I’m here to say, I want to apologize for forcing her to choose between me and her dreams.”

Rainbow shrugged. “Great, I’ll pass along your message and if she wants to see you, she can reach out to you next time we’re in Everton.”

Sunset frowned, unsure of what to say. Thankfully, Twilight stepped in. “But can’t you pass the message along now and that way if she wants to see Sunset she can without having to wait? If she says she doesn’t want to see us, we’ll go.”

“You’re right, Sunset shouldn’t have assumed she knew what was right for her,” Fluttershy said. “But you can’t assume you know what’s right for her either. I know that’s something the Rainbow Dash in my world used to struggle with when I first started dating Twilight, and it only ever caused problems.”

Rainbow glared at them. They never found out what her answer would’ve been, because they were seen by the only person whose opinion on the subject really mattered.

“Sunny?”

Sunset’s whole body went slack as she saw Fluttershy standing before her, looking as different as possible from the Fluttershy beside her. Her once long beautiful hair was cut short and ragged, and she wore ripped jeans and a black tank top that showed off the tattoos that now covered her arms. One had a sleeve of butterflies going up her arm and surrounding the Bitchette band logo at the top, the other had a sun on her shoulder that represented Sunset and the love they had once shared.

“Shy…” Sunset realized her mouth was hanging open, so she closed it. She scratched at the back of her head, but she couldn’t take her eyes off her ex-girlfriend. “So, uh… long time no see?”

“What…” Fluttershy shook her head. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Despite the swear, Fluttershy’s voice wasn’t angry. Just surprised. That was okay, good even. Surprise was expected, and that was something they could move on from. “I came to see you. I… wanted to say I’m sorry. Is it okay if… can we talk?”

Fluttershy frowned, the first indication of how she felt. “Come on. The dressing room is over here, the two of us can talk there.”

The two of them – Fluttershy wanted to speak with Sunset alone. She turned to her wives, unsure of what to say.

She found them both smiling at her. “Go on, we’ll be fine,” Twilight said.

Fluttershy nodded. “This is what we were hoping for. Go talk to her.”

Sunset swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded, then took a step away from her wives. Gilda and Lemon Zest let her pass, but Rainbow put a hand on her shoulder when she went to walk past her. She didn’t say anything, but she held Sunset’s eyes for a moment and wordlessly made her point clear. ‘Don’t screw this up.’

Rainbow let go of Sunset, who followed after Fluttershy. She led them into a small room, which was empty of any prying eyes or ears, then she turned to Sunset. “Okay, so what the hell do you want?”

Okay, now Fluttershy sounded angry. Sunset shifted nervously in place. While this wasn’t the reaction she wanted, it wasn’t a surprise. “Like I said, I wanted to say I’m sorry. I… wasn’t always fair to you when we were together.”

“You think? You tried to get me to give up on the one thing I managed to do all by myself!”

“I know.” Sunset held up her hands. “And I was wrong, and I’m glad you stuck with it.”

“Of fucking course you’re glad!” Fluttershy threw out her hands. “You got to go off to a magical land where you’re rich and famous and have two supportive wives. Your life turned out fucking perfect once I wasn’t in it anymore!”

“Whoa, hold on.” Sunset shook her head. “It’s not like that! And things aren’t perfect for us. Yeah I know we’re lucky in a lot of ways, but it’s not like it’s been easy.”

“Oh really?” Fluttershy took a step forward and raised her voice some more. “Tell me, Sunny. Tell me all about how difficult it’s been for you, because you wouldn’t fucking believe what my life has turned into since you left me!”

Sunset gritted her teeth, trying not to get angry, but finding that to be impossible. “Okay, I was wrong about a lot of things, but you left first. I offered to stick around and wait for you, and you told me not to because you were already seeing someone.”

“I lied, okay!?” Fluttershy turned and took a step away. “I lied about seeing someone because I wanted you to move on. So yeah, I got exactly what I fucking wanted. Yay me.”

“How was I supposed to know that!?” Sunset stepped forward, reclaiming the distance Fluttershy put between them. “I’m so sorry for believing you!”

“Do you want to know what my life has been like since you left?” Fluttershy turned back towards Sunset and pointed at her hair. “Because this? This is nothing compared to the other ways I’ve changed without you.”

Sunset folded her arms. “I’m listening.”

“I sleep with a different girl pretty much every night because if I don’t, I don’t sleep at all. I’m up for days at a time, I drink nonstop, the only thing stopping me from trying to kill myself again is the pills I have to take every god damn day!”

All of that washed over Sunset, but one word in particular stuck out. “Again?”

Fluttershy laughed. “Yeah, that’s right, Sunny! I tried to kill myself because that’s how much my life just fucking sucks! And half the time even with the antidepressants, I still think back on that day and wish I hadn’t thrown up those damn pills.”

“And it’s all my fault?” Sunset asked, half hoping for a real answer one way or the other. ‘Tell me this isn’t my fault, tell me I don’t have to have this on my conscience. Or tell me it is, let me make it up to you.’

“I don’t know, but you sure as hell aren’t making it better by showing up unannounced like this! For fuck’s sake, Sunset, what did you expect? I’d just fall into your arms and you could have two of me?”

“No!” Sunset shook her head. What did she expect? “I just wanted to try things over again. Not us, not like being together, just you know, as friends this time. Because I still love –”

They both stood in silence as Sunset’s unexpected declaration hung in the air between them.

“You still love me?” Fluttershy asked doubtfully.

“Well… yes,” Sunset admitted. “Look, it’s not like, you know, a burning love like when I thought we’d spend our lives together. But yes, I still love you. I probably always will.”

“I hate you, Sunset.” Fluttershy folded her arms, covering the sun tattoo as she did. “You were once the best thing that ever happened to me, and now the rest of my life has to struggle to live up to that without you. I hate you so much.”

“Shy, it doesn’t have to be like that. I want us to be friends again, I want to be part of your life again.”

Sunset reached out for Fluttershy’s shoulder, but Fluttershy slapped her hand away. “Did you fucking hear me? I said I hate you! I don’t want you back in my life Sunny, I never want to see your stupid face again! If you really love me, you’ll stay in Equestria. Far far away from me.”

“Shy…”

“Don’t fucking ‘Shy’ me! I’m not yours anymore, and I don’t have to put up with what you want! Just go back to your perfect little pony life. You’ve already got a better version of me waiting out there to cheer you up from the bitch I am in this world anyway.”

“It’s not like –”

“Just go!”

Sunset stood and stared for a minute, then she turned and ran. She left the room, then ran straight for the door. She wasn’t thinking of the others, she just had to get out of there.

“Sunset?” Twilight reached out for her as she ran past, but Sunset couldn’t stop to talk to them right now. Not after everything Fluttershy had said to her.

The venue had emptied out a lot, so she was able to run straight through it, out into the night time air. She stopped once she was out of the venue, some distant part of her reminding her not to run into traffic.

Instead, she placed her face in her hands and she screamed. She walked over to their car and sat down in front of it, and although she willed herself to hold it together, she cried.

Was all that stuff really Sunset’s fault? Had she done that to Fluttershy, the woman she had once loved so dearly? Did Sunset really make things so bad without ever even knowing about it?

And what was she supposed to do now? Fluttershy had been pretty clear that she never wanted to see Sunset again, and that showing up had just made everything so much worse. There was no way she could fix this, so what was she supposed to do?

The questions circled her head with no answers. She wiped at the tears that came unbidden, and asked herself one more question: What the hell was she doing out here alone?

Just as she was asking herself that, she felt someone come up from behind her and lean against her back. Judging by the paws on her shoulders, it was pretty easy to tell who it was.

“I really fucked up, Spike.”

Spike leaned his head on Sunset’s shoulders. “What happened?”

“I… I did a lot more damage to Fluttershy than I ever realized.”

“Well… you can make it better, can’t you?”

Sunset shook her head. “No, I don’t think I can.”

“Oh…” Spike didn’t say anything, but he stayed by Sunset’s side while she dried her eyes.

It didn’t take long for Twilight and Fluttershy to catch up with her as well. When they saw Sunset and Spike, they both kneeled on either side of Sunset. Neither of them asked what happened, they just stayed by her side to support her through it.

It took a few minutes for anyone to speak. “She…” Sunset shook her head. “She said she tried to kill herself…”

“Oh no,” Fluttershy frowned. “Did she say why?”

“It sounded like it was because of me…”

Twilight hugged Sunset tightly. “That was uncalled for. You didn’t do anything to make her do something like that…”

Sunset took a deep, shaky breath, then she let out a small laugh. “I guess I should’ve just called after all. I’m so fucking stupid…”

“You’re not,” Spike said. “You’re really great, Sunset.”

“Yeah, no one thinks you’re stupid,” Twilight said.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Fluttershy asked.

Sunset shook her head and stood up. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Everyone’s eyes were on her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Sunset smiled at them all. “I’m sure I will be. Let’s… let’s find a restaurant that’s open late or something. We’re still on vacation, right?”

Twilight looked uncertain. “If you’re sure…”

“I think it’s a great idea,” Fluttershy said. “And it’s what Sunset wants to do.”

Sunset opened the car door and got in, and everyone followed. She paused before starting the engine, looking at everyone around her. Things had gone disastrously bad, but at least she had her loved ones close. And inside the building, she could imagine Fluttershy was surrounded with the band, who were no doubt there to support her like they always had been.

Both of them still had their families to help them through hard times, and that was why they’d both make it through this. This was the end of Sunset and Fluttershy’s story once and for all, but it was just a chapter in each of their lives.

Sunset started the engine, backed out of the parking spot, then drove out into the open road.